I was sent to Japan for two weeks, because everyone else was too busy, to shoot some Japanese footage to make the Windows 95 TV commercials look more relevant to the Japanese. It was brought to our attention that they really don’t like to see a lot of white people running around telling them what to buy. They probably find Japanese people doing the same thing only slightly less offensive. Anyway, the most important thing you should know about me and my trip is, I wasn’t roughing it. All my expenses were paid, we got to stay in a nice hotel, we had interpreters when ever we had to meet with people who didn’t speak English, we got to see the Japan the easy way. Also, I saw more than just Tokyo, I spent two weekends in Osaka, Kyoto and Kobe. So I got a little more flavor of the country than others. Some of my impressions my be tainted by the fact that I was only supposed to stay two weeks and I ended up gone almost three, the last week I changed my reservations day by day.
David Baugnon and Rachel Evans - went to Japan the hard way. They packed up all the stuff they could get into a couple of bags each (it was a lot of stuff, I saw them off at the LA airport on their layover) and took off for the land of the rising sun. When they got there they didn’t know anyone, didn’t speak the language, didn’t have enough money, etc. The started out in Kobe, one of the most beautiful parts of Japan, which also makes it one of the most expensive. They had to put up thousands of dollars in “key money” to secure an apartment that was very small, and in the big earthquake fell on top of them. So they packed up everything they could and rode their bikes to Osaka, where they both worked, to find new apartments, which were suddenly a lot more expensive considering they were standing and not a pile of rubble. David has written an amazing account on their experience which I can forward to anyone interested. In conclusion, these two were starting to pack up and prepare to come home after four years when I caught up with them. Also, David will be my brother-in-law in a few weeks.
Homestay - in case your wondering is easy way to go to move to Japan, if you don’t have a company paying for it. Basically you stay with a Japanes family, they give you a bed, food, etc. and you pay rent. The only draw backs can be things like curfews.
Steve Sandoz - is the Creative Director that I accompanied to Japan, it is his vision we were bringing to life. He turned out to be the master of diplomacy, and great at getting things to happen (our way) in Japan. I am extremely lucky to have gotten to go with him, because not only is he an interesting person to spend time with, but he turned out to be really good at playing the Japanese business game. This is a skill that I wouldn’t have thought most Wieden & Kennedy people had, we have a reputation as being argumentative, but we made a few concessions, reached consensus and did the best job we could. In my humble opinion I think what we did turned out pretty good.
Fujita-san - he is the Account Executive at McCann Erickson who works on Microsoft, my counterpart if you will. He is one tired puppy, the Microsoft client here has a penchant for midnight meetings. He is the same age as me and his wife is pregnant. He is the worker in the little hive they have up on the 23rd floor of McCann, his bosses just sit there and smoke. His foot size is 25.5 cm and I am going to send him a pair of Nike’s.
Young Kim - is the art director Wieden & Kennedy sent over from Portland to work in our Tokyo office. Of course he is not Japanese, but the most hated of peoples here in Japan: Korean. One other big problem, he has lots of tattoos, which is totally unacceptable here - only the Mafia have them. However, he seems to like it here and is really trying to learn the language and be as much of a rebel as possible. I have heard that all the girls love him because he seems dangerous. He’s not interested, a Japanese girlfriend is the worst way to learn the language he says. Young is very busy now trying to find the best S&M clubs in town, and is very sad that I don’t have the budget to take him to a topless restaurant he’s heard about - it’s $300 a person.
Production People - there were also a Director and some production people with us, who came from the U.S. They all made life pretty easy for us, even thought the Japanese producer they hired was quite a character.
Expensive - I had heard that this place would be expensive but this is ridiculous. I heard tales of $400 cab rides from the airport and $1,000 dinners, and now here I am to see it all come true. Luckily we were picked up at the airport so we got to forego the aforementioned cab ride, however our time would come. The first night I stopped into the hotel bar and ordered a vodka tonic - $10, plus tax. From then on I experienced the $27 club sandwich, the $100 sushi lunch, the $300 bullet train ride from Tokyo to Osaka - about $100 an hour, and finally the $1,000 dinner. Granted there were seven of us, but it wasn’t that great. Of course not everything is completely outrageous, just most things. Things that are reasonable include, the subway - which is only $1.60 for most trips, McDonalds - which is about the same as in the US price wise, cab rides - they aren’t so expensive its just that there’s a lot of traffic so it takes a long time to get anywhere and ends up costing you a lot, the telephone is also pretty cheap, it costs a dime for a local call. But if you spend any time at all here you will soon end up saying things like, “wow a beer is only $5 here.”
Vending machines - are everywhere and they dispense all kinds of things. You can get cigarettes, cold drinks, hot drinks (basically hot cans), beer, food, flowers, pantyhose, underwear, and a host of other things. Even nightclubs sold beer through vending machines. If you were so inclined you could live almost entirely without human contact, buying everything you need from a machine.
Drinking age - I did see the bouncer carding people in one of the night clubs I went to but all the Japanese look so young it is hard to say, which leads to a social commentary on vending machines. This should shock any good Baptist, if you can reach high enough to put the coin in the beer vending machine, you are old enough to drink. So in Japan you don’t reach drinking age you reach drinking height.
Taxis - are very clean, they all have these lacy white sheet like covers on the seats. Oh, and the coolest thing is the doors open for you automatically. The uncoolest thing is that they don’t know their way around the city. I thought it would be easy to show a Japanese business card and have them take me where I needed to go, but unlike London, they can’t. We met an interesting cabbie in Osaka, he said he was from Kobe and was living in a tent since his house fell down in an earthquake. The funniest part about our trip with him was that Rachel was giving him shit in Japanese the whole trip, and we almost missed our turn off. Because of all the conversation we had mistakenly assumed Rachel knew what she was doing. Another cool cab story I heard: Young left his keys in a cab, he had kept the receipt so he called them with the cab number and when he’d lost them. They returned his keys, after two tries and apologized profusely for him leaving his keys in their cab.
Taglines - If you don’t work in advertising you may not understand this one, but here goes anyway. Microsoft’s tagline is “Where do you want to go today.” I am not here to critique it or suggest its the next “Just do it” but it’s their line. So what this story is about is trying to get a Japanese version of this that everyone (and that’s a lot of people) can live with. We’ve heard some pretty unusual attempts including my personal favorite, “Interesting, but nothing special.” Of course this is what’s called a back-translation, English translated into Japanese and then back into English. In other words pretty weird. Anyway, the real problem is it has been over a year and we still don’t have a translation that works better than the literal translation, which everyone thinks is a travel agency tagline. So we are now responsible for hundreds or maybe thousands of Japanese people seeing our commercial on their TV and saying I’d like Microsoft to take me to Hawaii to play golf.
Weather - It was and has been a lot hotter and stickier (our Texas euphemism for humidity) than I thought it would be. Overall, we should be very happy. It has been sunny and beautiful the whole time I was in Japan. There hasn’t been any rain to speak of, although I have heard that it can get quite cold in the winter. So far everyone has said this is the best time of year to be here.
Food - The $1,000 dinner. Two guys were kneeling in front of a bar-be-cue with lots of raw food in front of them, I mean raw, the prawn squirmed when the skewer was put through it. You picked out the food you wanted and they qued it up for you. Once it was done they put it on a plate and passed it to you on a big paddle. They also passed us a lot of beer on the paddle, but Young’s sake came in a box that was filled to overflowing every time he raised his hand. McDonalds - although I only ate it once and it wasn’t as good. At least the burger wasn’t, it tasted like it had been around a while. The fries were of course wonderful. The best hamburger in Japan is Mossburger, the name may sound gross, but it tastes great. I recommend the jalapano chili cheeseburger. Izikias, place by David’s, Shabu-shabu, Benihanna, sushi, Yaki-tori, curry.
Bad English - most signs, notes, etc. that are written in English are of a strange and wonderful nature. In fact, you may find yourself reading things just for the entertainment value. The Mossburger (a winner on name alone) is one of the best in the weird English department. On all their napkins and cups they have the following phrase, “I like burgers, of course Mossburger.” From what I have heard this is a scaled down version of what it used to say, something about eating a burger and being in love. Which makes me want to open a new fast food place with the happy burger, the joy cheeseburger, the double love burger and blues busting fries When I sent my clothes to the laundry, I got a note back that said they were very sorry they could not get the stain out but that they had scrubbed the shirt as hard as possible, and were worried that if they continued to scrub they may damage the shirt. In other words, a three paragraphs letter of Bad English to tell me, they were sorry about my stain. You also start speaking in “Bad English.” Keeping sentence short. Make simple point. Understand. Yes? Thank you. If you lived here for too long, you’d have to relearn all words over three syllables. All Japanese people take six years of English in high school, but that doesn’t mean they learn any. In fact that’s what keeps people like David and Rachel in business. One word of caution though, for all the time you spend speaking bad English to people, the one time you get frustrated and say something you shouldn’t have the person next to you will fully understand it. So they know less English than they are supposed to, but they understand more than they will let you know.
Smoking - the national pastime. I read somewhere that 66% of Japanese men in their 30’s smoke, and that smoking is increasing rapidly in women. All I can think is they’ve gotten the last two holdouts to convert. People smoke everywhere, in the office, in meetings, in meetings in very small conference rooms in the office, on the bus, in restaurants, you get the picture. I have observed an interesting habit that a lot of people seem to have here, they only smoke their cigarette half way down then put it out. Someone told me the first half is the good part. Needless to say people who smoke and drink coffee all day don’t smell very good, and because many meetings are held in very small conference rooms in the office, you get to smell them up close.
Sleeping - Japanese people do it everywhere except in bed at night. In fact, Fujita-san is asleep right next to me now in the recording studio. Oh, his boss just yelled to him and he sounds surprisingly coherent as he explains something to them. People sleep on the train, the subway, in meetings (especially when Gijing speak) and in restaurants after they have had too much to drink.
Travel - the trains and subways are on time, you can set your watch by them. They don’t wait around and you have to be ready to get off when they stop. The bullet train stops makes “brief” stops, so brief that you should have your bags at the door ready to throw off when it pulls into the station. Also, you have to be ready to get on when they arrive. At rush hour you’ll have no choice about getting on, they have people on the subway to push you in. Stuffers, they’re all former sardine packing employees. They have a new invention here on the trains, the non-smoking car, or the breathing car as I call it. They also have people who push around food carts and really comfortable chairs that go back really far. The train platforms have small smoking areas, where a hundred smokers puff away in a space big enough for 10. People don’t really talk very much on the train or subway, they sleep.
Shoes - are not to be worn in the house, or many other places that aren’t houses but follow the house shoe rule. Often you don’t find out they are following the house shoe rule until your feet, and the real offender your shoes, have defiled their carpet. If you are sensitive to offending your hosts (not all Americans are) here’s a hint about the shoe rule. If you walk into a place and they have a shoe rack with a lot of slippers by the door, you need to take yours off. Feel free to use the slippers offered and also some places have special slippers they want you to use if your using the bathroom. This should be taken as a hint of the bathroom floors condition. Removing shoes is a serious business, my hotel room even had slippers by the door, don’t ignore it.
Industrial Complex - As I said in the opening I traveled around a little, unfortunately the part of the country I saw is the most built up, industrial part of the country. Something like 65% of the population live between Tokyo and Osaka, and the whole train trip is factories and built up area. I never got to see any rural areas. I wanted to see some farm land or country side, but it is hard to get there and harder still to find your way around. There’s no one that speaks English in those parts.
Soccer - we went to a soccer game the last night that I was in Japan. The fans are pretty fanatical, but the players aren’t very good. You can’t have more than three gijin on any one team at any given time, and there isn’t enough home grown talent yet to fill out a whole team. One of the teams we saw, Verde, has been the champion for the last two years and looked like they were on their way to a third time as they won 4-1. Their best player is a Japanese guy who lived in Brazil for a long time, and one of the things he learned over there is how to perform after he scores a goal. After the two goals he scored in the game I saw, he ran around in a very un-Japanese way, pumping his fists and kissing his fellow players who looked like eight year old boys being attacked by an aggressive nine year old girl.
Salary Men - are the guys that go out there every day and make a living. They had to decide what they wanted to do in high school and are stuck with it the rest of their lives. They get their first and last job on the same day and then slowly begin to get the life sucked out of them. They are promoted on time on the job not on performance, so basically you just have to stick around long enough and you’ll be the one with the corner cubicle, smoking and barking out orders to the fresh walking dead. Something like 60% of the salary comes from overtime. The Salary man gets to work by 9:30 AM and doesn’t leave until midnight. Often part of that is entertaining which is not a luxury, but part of the job. So every morning in the wee hours the Salary Man drags himself home and gets the maximum five hours sleep, before he has to begin his average one hour trip back to work (see sleeping). I heard a very interesting thing about the salary man. It seems they all have a private obsession, whether it be the garden, a train set, whatever, that eventually takes over their life. This is their refuge.
Office Ladies (OL’s) - are the women that go out there and slog it out everyday in the white collar world. The required tools are a Louis Vitton bag and a Rolex watch. Often OL’s retire once impregnated.
Marriage - is not the joining of two people that love each other, but the coming together of two families. Everyone has to pay for the wedding, including the people getting married and they’re not cheap. If you are invited to a wedding you are expected to give a cash gift of around $300 to help the couple pay off the debt. You never see the couple smiling in Japanese wedding photos. Often the man only pays attention to the women long enough to get the two kids he wants out of her, then buys twin beds and gets a mistress. I hear the women usually has no objection to this as this is when she begins to develop an interest in younger men. It is very easy to tell if a couple is dating, married without children and the final relationship ending stage: married with children.
Halloween - on Halloween I went down to Osaka and David and I and about 100 or so other Americans, British and Australians (basically white people) got on the Osaka loop line, the train that endlessly circles the city, and drank and performed Chinese fire drills every time the train stopped at a station. This amused, disgusted and otherwise confirmed to the Japanese that all foreigners are idiots.
Business Cards - are very important, if you are going to visit Japan get lots of business cards printed up in Japanese. They are considered your source of introduction. Once you have exchanged cards its like you’ve slept together except in reverse, now you can call that person and approach them directly without another introduction. Also, the way you present and accept a card it important. Present with one hand and take with two, read the card and keep it out on the desk for the rest of the time that person is there. I’ve heard that writing on the card is the equivalent of writing on the persons forehead, and taking the card and yamming it in your back pocket is like sitting on their… well you get the picture, don’t deface the card. If you want to get anything done you should feel free to enhance your title a little, the word director is usually well received.
Kids - are an enigma, at first they seem to be revered, because it’s important to have kids. But then they proceed to beat the individuality out of them. This of course is the singular opinion of a person who values individual thought more than anything else on earth and sees no individuality in the Japanese. They all wear the same school uniforms that are eerily like military uniforms and they don’t smile or play very much in public.
Temple’s and Zen Gardens - are beautiful and you should take a trip to Kyoto to see them. There is one that is made almost entirely of gold and another of silver. They are usually pretty crowded so try to go during the week if you can. The pamphlets are usually pretty interesting, basically every temple or shrine is charted by the number of times it has burned down.
Trash Islands - one really weird thing I heard is that the Japanese are dumping all their trash into the ocean, trying to build new islands and expand the land mass. And their calling these islands things like Fantasy Island and Happy Island. This is land fill Japanese style.
Litter - is virtually unseen, there is no graffiti or other unsightly stuff, but if you look closely you’ll see millions of cigarette buts everywhere. There just isn’t enough astrays in Japan for all the smoking that goes on.
Aggressive males - were one of the most unexpected sights I saw. In Osaka at the “pick-up bridge” there are these guys in bizarre clothes, everything from zoot suits to spandex and leather, that literally run up to girls and pin them against the wall as they ask them for a date or whatever. The females seem to try to avoid them at first, but persistence often paid off (for the guy).
Grocery Stores - are pretty meager and expensive. Department stores often have grocery stores on the lower floors that are pretty good.
Saying No - is something the Japanese don’t do very often. They have lots of ways of getting around saying it, like “I’ll get back to you on that” or “let me confirm that.” Also, don’t think they are agreeing with you if you’re talking and they’re shaking their head, that just means they hear you. And they never tell you no in a meeting, so you leave the meeting thinking that everything is O.K., then two hours later you get a three page fax full of changes and disagreements.