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Courses!
People
have often asked us why we offer so few majors. We don't like
to think of it that way at BundeSchwager University. We like
to think of it as offering you, the future BundeSchwager University
alumni we'll be hitting up for donations well after your death,
an opportunity to follow your dreams, aspirations, and personal
sleep schedule.
Sure,
we offer you, the up-to-date with payment student, various curricula
which our world class professor (and don't think she's not busy!)
designed to give a broad liberal education with a specialization
in some particular area.
But
what would you get out of that?
That's
right! The exact same education as everyone else spending hours
studying in those lesser universities, colleges, and prison
classrooms throughout the world.
And
that's not why you came to BundeSchwager University, is it?
You came to BundeSchwager University to spread your wings; expand
your mind; figure out how to be hammered and take notes legibly
enough to be deciphered when sober!
So
that's what we do here at ole BundeSchwager University. We let
you tailor your education to a higher authority: YOU!
So
take the classes you want or don't! Why do you think they call
it YOUR future?
Once
you've spent what you feel is the allotted time to complete
your course of study (and don't cheat because you'll only be
hurting our bottom line) let
us know and we'll send you your very own doctorate degree!
What's
that? Doctorate? What about all the other degrees?
Let's
be honest, pursuing your educational dreams might be right for
those chalk caked 'eggheads' but what do they really remember
from all those classes they've taken? All those hours they've
spent squinting into books? All those dissertations they've
slaved over that no one's ever read?
That's right, less than you at this moment in
your life!
So why not capitalize on it? You're younger, faster,
not as beaten down by the man, so why shouldn't you just pass
the BS and go directly to Doctor?
Again, you're right (see how much you've learned!
We should have charged you more!) there is no reason. So, get
on the fast track and impress everyone when you correct them
and say,
"That's DOCTOR to you, officer. And these
cuffs are a little tight?"
So get to studying! Your doctorate is closer than
you think at BundeSchwager University!
When you contact
us to receive your diploma, make sure you include your course
of study (that's what your degree is in) and your name (what
at least more than one person has called you)! Once we receive
your request our cracked administration will begin the review
process to make sure you have fulfilled the requirements (requirement
review: send
an email) necessary. Once that arduous task is completed,
we will send you a diploma from BundeSchwager University suitable
for framing!
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