Student Body Profile
Student Population -
1,684
(1,685 if you count
Fred our 67 semester
Freshman)
Male - 52%
Female - 46%
Undecided - 2%
States of Confusion
- 21
Foreign Substances
- 84
On Campus - 70%
Commute - 20%
Shacking Up With
Teaching Assistant
- 10%
Average Age - 20
Average Age Act
Like - 16
Average GPA -
Negotiable (see Fred)

Welcome To BundeSchwager University!

A Semiprivate, Semi-Educational Liberal Farts University
Founded In 2003
Affiliation - We got some friends we'd rather not mention
Location - Perth, Australia
Campus Size - 1,000,006 hecadecacres
Degrees - 98.6 (may vary during cold and flu season)
Areas Of Study - 16 (but none are very quiet)
Faculty - 194 Full-Time, 2 Part-Time,
876 No-Show Due To Tenure
Graduation Ratio - 106%
(highest in the world! We're mathletes!)
Advanced Degrees - .99%
(we're mathletes not magicians)
Terminal Disease - 100%
Student/Faculty 'Fraternization' Ratio - 1:2
Average Class Size - 20' x 15'

Financial Information
Tuition -
More than you can afford BUT we're worth it!
Fees -
Announced during orientation so bring a clean credit card.
Room and Board -
Free (with indentured servitude)
$15,253 per month (without)
Bail And Blackmail Trusts -
$23,375 per quarter (resident)
$17,650 per quarter (commuter)
(trusts are non-refundable)
Students Receiving Financial Aid
From Their Parents - 96%
Student Stealing From Students
Receiving Financial Aid From Their Parents - 4%

Athletic Information
Member Of The Western Territories Sports Association
Division VIISMLXXXL
Crikey Valley Conference
Teams With Open Tryout Policies:
(not all teams have openings so check your desired
sport to see what you'll be playing instead):
Curling, Air Hockey, Table Tennis, Dodgeball, Basketball, Soccer, Tennis, Volleyball, Baseball, Football, Softball, Rugby, Dirtnapping, Extreme Croquet, Nude Swimming, Blindfolded High-Diving, Drunk Boxing, Skiing On Glass.