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Hail, and greetings of the seazon
To Ed Sullivan and Jackie Gleazon.
Hail Red Skelton, he's a swell star.
Look, Three Wise Men-there goes Telstar!
Greetings, Garry, greetings, Perry,
May your Christmases be merry!
Greetings, two new stars from Starland-
Danny Kaye and Judy Garland.
Total greetings (more than partial)
To Defenders' E. G. Marshall.
Let the kindly candle kindle
Warm and mellow thoughts of Grindl.
Leave us start this second stanza
With our greetings to Bonanza.
As we clean each Christmas dish up,
Let us think of Joey Bishop.
Then let's light some Christmas tapers
For the NBC White Papers.
Hail, oh Greatest Show on Earth
(May thy title guide thy worth).
Greetings, good shows; greetings, rotten,
Shows just born and shows forgotten.
Hail to Lucy, Danny Thomas,
East Side/West Side (that shows promise);
To Elizabeth Taylor, who gave her view
Of when in London, what else to do;
To Leonard Bernstein, who at a whim
Will explain anything-but who'll explain him?
To Carol Burnett and Project Twenty
And frantic meetings, of which there'll be plenty.
Hail, oh Flinstones! Fare well, Bullwinkle!
Hail Andy Williams and producer Bob Finkel!
Jingle bells to vou, oh Hazel,
May your voice become less nazel.
May the ratings never wurray
Donna Reed or Fred MacMurray.
Season's greetings to you, Jack Paar,
And Bob Hope, delightful staar.
Hail Bill Dana, and after him, it's
Greetings to The Outer Limits.
Hail Twilight Zone, each spook and creature,
Hail Mr. Novak, high school teacher.
Hail Martin Milner and Glenn Corbett,
May Route Six-Six remain in orbit.
Hail to Hitchcock's type of terror.
Hail Chuck Connors and Ben Gazerror>,
Scrooge (whose name was Ebenezer)
Would have loved you, Sidney Caesar:
He'd have loved you, yes indeedy
(Also, he'd have cherished Edie).
Greeting, to Eleventh Hour,
May thy paranoids flower,
Hail to thee, oh Petticoat Junction,
May you not need extreme unction.
Hail Kildare and hall Ben Casey!
And Perry Mason, prima facie.
Greetings Ozzie, greetings Harriet-
Zounds! Are you two on the air yet?
Season's greetings to The Virginian,
To Lawrence Spivak, and his opinion.
Merry Christmas, Marshal Dillon,
May thy hero kill thy villain.
Hail McHale, and hail his Navy,
And Richard Boone, whose hair is wavy.
Is our world not somewhat better
Thanks to Art and Jack Linkletter?
To Lawrence Welk, in his world of bubbles-
What does he know from human troubles?
Hail Andy Griffith and Dick Van Dyke
And Make That Square (why not a strike?).
Joy and gladness to Walt Disney,
He's a charming fellow, isney?
Greetings, members of each panel
(Notwithstanding time or channel):
Play a carol on the organ
For Kilgallen, Cullen, Morgan:
Send a telegram to Paley-
"Thanks for Palmer, Francis, Daly,
Bess and Bennett and, forsooth,
Everyone on To Tell the Trooth."
The Du Pont Show of the weak'ere long
Become the Du Pont Show of the Strong.
And here's to Lassie, see how she runs,
May she litter us with reruns.
Jingle bells to Camera, Candid,
May its contract be expanded.
Raise the cup and drink a gallon-
Toast John Carson and Steve Allen,
Shows we've loved and shows we've hated,
Live and filmed and syndicated,
Shows with Brinkley and/or Huntley,
Shows on daily, weekly, muntley.
Season's jollies and a gay time
To the shows that haunt the daytime:
Gaily fill the festive board
For Mr. Wizard and Ernie Ford,
The soaps which fill life with sweet sorrow,
Like Edge of Night and Search for Tomorrow;
And what could be more nice and warm
Than a Guiding Light for your Secret Storm?
And long may housewives have good sport
Enjoying the misery on Day in Court.
But Marry Christmas, most of all
To those who head this siren's call,
To TV viewers, that's who I mean,
Poor souls who watch this strange machine.
All hail to those who sit wide-eyed,
Clutching their copy of TV Guide,
For the gift they give is a gift sublime:
They give themselves and their precious time,
As they gaze at the box in constant hope
That somewhere between the ads for soap
There'll be something good to see and hear,
Something to make it a better year,
Something to cherish, something to feel,
Something that's beautiful, something that's real.
If we could get this from watching TV,
What a wonderful New Year this would be,
And like Tiny Tim, we could say with delight.
"Merry Christmas to all, for each night's a good night."
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