|
------- ------- ALL YOU CAN EAT ------- ------- “Park as close to the door as you can,” Harry said. “There’s a lot of ice.” ------- “I could let you out here,” William offered. ------- “No,” Harry said, “we’d better stick together.” ------- The six men had ridden down in William’s Cadillac. It was Harry’s idea to have lunch at the Old Timers Buffet. Morris hadn’t wanted to go, but he didn’t want to disappoint his friends. ------- “All You Can Eat for seven bucks!” Harry said. “It’s a good deal.” ------- “I guess it depends on the eats,” Morris said. ------- They found a table and draped their coats over the back of their chairs. Morris saw that his flannel shirt had been the right choice. They looked like an over-the-hill bowling team. He took a plate and wandered among the steam tables. -------An Hispanic kid wearing an Old Timers jacket set down a huge tray of meatloaf. ------- “Thanks,” Morris said. The boy gave him a contemptuous look. So screw you, Morris thought. He took a slice of meatloaf and ladled gravy over it, and he piled his plate with spare ribs, barbecued chicken, roast potatoes, and Brussels sprouts. ------- “You can go back as often as you want, you know.” Harry said. ------- “So, I’m greedy,” Morris said. “Those chicken livers will kill you, Harry.” ------- “They’ll have to get in line. Try some, Morrie. They’re good.” ------- “Next time,” Morris said. ------- “Great food, huh?” George said. ------- “Not bad,” Morris agreed. It was better than he’d expected, but there was too much. Great for big eaters. He saw a three-hundred pound workman shoveling it in and a mom with half a dozen overweight kids. Kids got in cheap. Most of the customers looked normal. -------An older couple went by, plates mounded with fried chicken. -------“How can they eat all that?” Morris asked. -------“It’s their supper, too,” Harry said. “I once saw a guy fill his plate three times in five minutes. He left with it under his coat.” -------“Pathetic,” William said. -------“You haven’t missed many meals, William,” Harry told him, poking his stomach. ------- A vivacious young woman whisked away Harry’s empty plate and was reaching for his coffee cup when he clapped a hand over it. -------“Thanks, Annie,” he said. “Not yet.” -------“Hey, Annie,” William said. -------“Hola, William.” Annie patted William on the shoulder. ------- “They don’t want you taking your used plate to the buffet,” William explained to Morris. “Germs. They’re nice kids. Columbians. That’s Manuel, the head waiter. He’s at Harvard.” ------- “Columbians, huh,” Morris said. ------- “Manuel’s pretty sharp,” William said. ------- “I’ll bet he is,” Morris said. ------- George came back from the Men’s Room. ------- “I’ve never seen a urinal that high.” ------- “Separates the men from the boys,” Harry said. ------- “No kidding! You’d have to be over six feet!” ------- “Or have a long one,” Harry said. ------- “The Columbians are all short,” George said. ------- Morris went back to the steam table. He took more meatloaf and some chicken livers and scalloped potatoes. He saw the meatloaf kid again. Their eyes met. ------- “I know you, man?” Manuel asked. ------- “No,” Morris said. “All you guys in school?” ------- “Yeah,” Manuel said. “Habla Español, hombre?” ------- “No.” Morris said. He spoke good Spanish. Why did the kid want to know? ------- Morris went back for a brownie and ice cream. They talked for another hour, poking at their desserts and drinking coffee. ------- “You hear the one about this guy who takes a bite of his sandwich and calls the waitress over?” George asked. “He says to her, ‘S, O, B.’ And the waitress says, ‘What do you mean?’ And the guy says, ‘Soggy on the bottom.’ So she says to him, ‘S, H, I, T.’ And he says, “What do you mean by that?’ And she says, “Shoulda had it toasted.’” ------- “Funny,” Morris said. “Got to make a pit stop before we go.” -------The urinal was high, but Morris was a big man. He was standing with his back to the door when someone came in.” ------- “That’s him,” Manuel said in rapid Spanish. -------“El judio? Mean looking bastard. What’s the matter with him?” -------“I dunno. I just didn’t like the way he looked at me.” -------“Think he’s a cop?” ------- “Nah.” ------- “So?” ------- “Get Annie to take his picture. Publicity or something. Get names and addresses, say we’ll send ‘em copies.” ------- Morris washed his hands and walked out. ------- “Manuel’s going to take a picture of us,” he told Harry. ------- “I’ll handle it,” Harry said. ------- Annie came to the table with a camera and a big grin. Harry stood and motioned her to the side. He tried to hand her a bill, but she shook her head. He flipped open his wallet and showed her something, and she left. ------- “What was that about?” Morris asked, as they were walking back to the car. ------- Harry took out his wallet and showed Morris an ID card. ------- “National Security Administration! Shouldn’t you have turned that thing in?” ------- “It’s fake,” Harry said. “NSA. No Such Agency. Why’d they want our pictures?” -------“My picture. They think I’m a competitor. -------“What, in the fat-food business?” -------“No, Harry, in the funny business. What’s Manuel studying?” -------”William says chemisty. Business and chemical engineering. Pretty impressive.” -------“Drugs,” Morris said. -------“You think so?” -------“I know so,” Morris said. -------“Morrie, you stay out of it!” ------- “Not me, Harry. There’s another way.” ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- |