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------- ------- ------- ------- ------- I love working at the Boblar Library Reference Desk. You know everything, and there are no dumb questions. Here comes Wally Ghoof to prove it. ------- “Morning, Mr. Ghoof. What can I do for you? The book’s not on the shelf? Let’s take a look.” Ghoof’s about five two and looks like he’s been stuffed in a juice glass. He’s all complaints. ------- “Here it is, sir. You have to look around a little. The kids put ‘em back in the wrong place. Um hmm, I know.” ------- Ghoof’s been working on his Ph.D. since ‘65. The University loves the foreign students. They make us look like Harvard, and they pay full tuition. The Library has to hold their hands, and they don’t appreciate us either. In some countries, librarians are untrained and way down the social order, practically servants. ------- “I’ll get the phone. Hello, Boblar Library Reference. Hey there, mister door guard. Yeah, I’ll talk to her. Hello. Uh huh. No, I’m sorry, miss. You really do have to have your ID. I’m sure you are a student here. That’s not the point. We have to be firm, or access control won’t work. Um hmm.” And fuck you too, sweetie. ------- The place is really busy this morning. Here’s the Sheik and his crew. The Sheik never asks questions. He’s been here for years, living off daddy’s oil wells. He and his buddies spend the day in the Reference room smoking Gauloises and talking in Arabic. The other day I heard them say, “Elm Street Friends.” That’s a ritzy private school. I wonder what they’re up to. ------- “Yes, miss? A paper on crime and education in the Woodhaven School district? That’s an interesting topic. There’s quite a bit of city and census data. Let me give you a guide for finding statistics on the region. I’ll be off the desk in a few minutes, and then we can spend as much time as you need. Sure. You’ll be over at that table?” ------- The Chinese girls are smart and polite, and they ask good questions. You never see and Chinese guys. They must all be in the army. Now with the Koreans it’s just men, and they’re demanding. They’ll stand there until they get everything they need. That’s the way to do it, though. ------- “Can I help you? Illegal abortions among Southern Baptists? I can show you how to look for articles. There won’t be any published statistics. Why not? Because the Census Bureau hasn’t asked about religion since 1937, and illegal abortions aren’t reported. Sure, I’ll show you.” What an airhead! ------- A lot of the Asian students want to stay in the U.S. So do the Africans, and who can blame them? I just wish they weren’t so clannish. They all live together and eat ethnic foods. People used to want to become Americans. Our dentist can barely speak English, and he sends his money to Taiwan. He knows how to make it too. He’s ripping off the insurance companies, and we’ll end up paying. ------- There’s the phone again. “Boblar Library Reference.” ------- “I can look up three titles for you. Go ahead. Could you spell that, please. Uh huh. Right. I think that’s your fourth. No, but you can call back for the rest. I know it seems silly, but it gives the other callers a chance. Yes ma’am, just call again. Goodbye.” Creep. ------- There’s that Vietnamese guy. Ky or something. I think he’s visiting faculty. I wonder how he feels about our getting kicked out of Vietnam. He looks zonked. Just wandering around. I guess he can’t go back now. Oh shit, he’s coming to the desk. ------- “Yes sir, may I help you? You have a question I might not be able to answer? Well, I’ll do my best, sir.” The condescending prick. ------- “What do the South Vietnamese do now? Oh. No sir. No, I guess I can’t answer that. I wish I could.” ------- Boy, I walked into that one. It’s not even a dumb question. ------- ------- 7 August 07 |