City of Angels Investigations, Lost or Stolen Property our specialtyYou dropped it, we'll spot it
He cheats, we'll peek
Little dog gone? We'll find him before dawn
No job is too big, no job is too small
We're here to please one and all
The time has come to go
To pack our bags and blow
To hit the streets
'Til next we meet
Until then it's on with the show
Blue Moon Detective Agency
We'll help you solve your case, we'll help you find your mate
If it's answers you need, we're eager to please
From stuff that's been took, to people who rook
We're an agency with class, we really move our......
Gunfight at the So-So Coral
Blue Moon Detective Agency
We're detectives with a heart, we really do our part
In your moment of need, we'll be there indeed
So please don't be shy, just give us a try
We're cooperative and discreet, we really can't be beat
And if I may be so bold, I'd like to put you on hold
Read the Mind....See the Movie
Blue Moon Detective Agency
We're here to unravel events that might baffle
We'll figure it out and leave you no doubt
So tell us what's wrong, it won't take us long
We do our work well, there's no reason to yell
Next Stop Murder
My luck is on the rise, I listen as fate cries
The time is here to give a cheer, DiPesto won a prize!
(Rodney)
You must be JB's guest
His murder train's the best
Rodney's the name
Solving mystery's my game
Even if they're only in jest
My prints are on the knife, it's going to cost my life
I'm gonna fry, I want to cry
Oh why, Oh why, Oh why
The Murder's in the Mail
Blue Moon Detective Agency
If persons are missing, if objects are lost
we'll find them for you at reasonable cost
Your runaway husband that non-paying louse
We'll find and bring him back to the house
Lost a prize winning dog? Lost a prize winning cat?
We'll find them both for you in just no time flat
So tell us your problem, it'll all work out fine
Just tell me your problem, it's why I'm on the line
David: We're looking for a man with a mole on his nose.
Security Guy: A mole on his nose?
Maddie: A mole on his nose.
Security Guy: What kind of clothes?
Maddie: What kind of clothes?
David: What kind of clothes do you suppose?
Security Guy: What kind of clothes do I suppose would be worn by a man with a mole on his nose?
Who knows?
David: Did I happen to mention, did I bother to disclose, this man that we're seeking with a mole on his nose
I'm not sure of his clothes or anything else, except he's Chinese, a big clue by itself.
Security Guy: I'm sorry to say, I'm sad to report I haven't seen anyone at all of that sort.
Not a man who's Chinese with a mole on his nose, in some kind of clothes that you can't suppose.
So get away from this door and get out of this place, or I'll have to hurt you, put my foot in your face.
David: Oh.
Maddie: Time to go.
David: Time to go.
My Fair David
(David)
Through the lips
Over the gums
Watch out kidnappers
Here it comes
Blue Moon Detective Agency
Domestic entanglements are our forte
If he's playin' around, we'll track him down
We'll catch him with his fling, take shots of the whole thing
Black and white and color too
Big ones, little ones, we'll (David interrupts)
Atlas Belched
Blue Moon Investigations
Get in some trouble? We're there on the double
Wife a philanderer? Don't worry we'll handle her
Need someone tailed? We've never failed
We break every case, we meet every goal
and what's more aqui se habla espanol
T'was the Episode Before Christmas
Santa's Hotline Ho Ho Ho
We're here to listen so so so
tell me what you want, tell me what you'd like
a new baby doll or a shiny new bike
just tell me what it is, I'll tell you-know-who
and if you've been good, he'll bring it to you
(Agnes' grocery list)
Get us some lettuce, grab us some steak
Remember the cheese please and a box of Frosted Flakes
The Bride of Tupperman
Blue Moon Detective Agency
Getting strange calls in the middle of the night?
Strange notes in your mailbox by dawn's early light?
Tell us about it, let us get involved
We'll find the perv and your problems will be solved
Blue Moon Detective Agency
Running a beauty pageant and need to know
if any of the girls posed for pictures that show
more than a swimsuit competition would allow?
Just give us a call and we'll find out now
We've got sources at all the major men's magazines
and we'll use them to keep your beauty pageant clean
North by North DiPesto
Blue Moon Detective Agency
If you're in trouble, if you're in a jam
don't tell me, I don't give a damn
Blue Moon Detective Agency
Say your pooch hasn't yet come home?
Called his name and bought him a new bone?
Just give us a shot, I bet we'll find spot
Sleep Talkin' Guy
Blue Moon Investigations
Thank you for calling the only agency
that offers a double your crime back guarantee
unusual cases are our special today
finding the real you is our forte
We'll locate your name, where you reside
and throw in a gala welcome home party besides
Funeral for a Doornail
Blue Moon Investigations
Are you being watched? Are you being bugged?
Just give us a call we'll find the thug
Whoever is your peeping Tom, Dick or John
We won't quit until he is gone
Camille
Blue Moon Investigations
If you're in trouble, if you're in a fix
We're the people to turn to, we'll make things right quick
We're effective because we listen, listen to all you say
We listen, listen, listen, and send help on the way
Blue Moon Investigations
If you're in trouble, if you're in a fix
We're the people to turn to, we'll make things right quick
We're effective because we listen, listen to all you say
We hear your problem and send help on the way
The Son Also Rises
(On the answering machine)
Blue Moon Detective Agency
Have things gone awry? Is it solutions you seek?
We're eager to help, but we're closed a few weeks
So if you're despondent and your life's out of whack
We hope you're still troubled when we all get back(Landlord's reply)
I am not amused by your trip out of state
This is your landlord, your rent's two weeks late
Your toilet's backed up, the place smells like heck
If you want me to fix it, then send me a check
It's a Wonderful Job
Blue Moon Detective Agency
If your stocking gets stolen and your tree can't be found
You may as well call us 'cause we'll be around
We have to work Christmas, so if you're in a pinch
Just give Blue Moon a jingle and ask for the grinch
(Dream sequence fake Agnes)
Thank you for calling Rhymes for the Times
The greeting card company with wit so sublime
Be it birthdays, Bar Mitzvah's, weddings, good luck's
We've got the card if you've got the bucks
(Rhymes for the Times Employees)
I need this artwork right away
I've got a meeting with her today
You've got to be kidding, I don't have the time
You do your work, I've already got mine
I'm gonna say this one last time
you owe me money, what's mine is mine
Go ahead and make my day
No more cards until you pay
Wendy get in here right away
It's time you did some work today
Bring Stacy, Sean and Julie too
I've had it to here with all of you!
You call this a rhyme?
I've heard better mime
This means your job's precarious
Next time I want hilarious
Don't just stand there, open the door
Come on in and pull up some floor
What is it you have to say?
Hurry up, I don't have all day
(On the answering machine)
Blue Moon Detective Agency
Have things gone awry? Is it solutions you seek?
We're eager to help, but we're gone a few weeks
Poltergeist III- DiPesto Nothing
Blue Moon Detective Agency
If your spouse is a louse or your kid's been napped
You've misplaced your fortune, your phones being tapped
We'll solve any problem (Herbert interrupts)
Sam and Dave
Blue Moon Detective Agency
Has your dog jumped the fence? Did fido get lost?
Put us on his scent at our low dog finder cost
We'll hit the ground running, get to the pound fast
and retrieve your loved one, before he gets gassed
Maddie's Turn to Cry
(Bert)
If you want a rhyme
Call another time
A Trip to the Moon
Blue Moon Detective Agency
We've been here three years, taking care of your woes
Finding lost persons, tailing unfaithful beaus
In honor of our birthday, we're offering a deal
Let us solve your murder, we'll buy you a meal
A night on the town, just a little gift from us
When there's murder in your life, give us your business
Tale of Two Cities
You have reached the machine of Agnes DiPesto
Please wait for the beep, then state your manifesto
Father Knows Last
Blue Moon Detective Agency
Gotta problem?Gotta worry?
Want us to help? Better hurry!
Los Dos DiPestos
(Agnes' Mom)
Youv'e reached Blue Moon, we're delighted you called
if you're in dire straits, we're completely enthralled
but you'll have to call back, please don't be opposed
Check your calendar blockhead, it's Saturday, we're closed
Fetal Attraction
Blue Moon Detective Agency
Your cook's been embezzling? Your favorite cat's left?
Your puppy's been seeing a blonde or brunette?
Mysteriously left out of granny's estate?
Laid down a bad bet? Stood up by a date?
Your tiara is missing? No one to trust?
Come to Blue Moon, we promise a bust
You could be a madman who just stabbed his wife
Or even the woman if you're under the knife
I hate to sound heartless, ruthless or cold
but we're really busy, I have to put you on hold
Eek! A Spouse!
Blue Moon Detective Agency
Your best gal friday's got a hang in the tail
that faithful bookeeper's been giving you swill
Call Blue Moon pronto, we'll sniff out that cheat
and get your business back on it's feet
Our fee ain't cheap but we'll bust our chops
'Cause our teams back together and everything's.....sort of OK
Here's Living with You Kid
(On Bert's answering machine)
Been working the late shift, doing your job
But long weeks without you could make a girl sob
Don't worry about me though, my upper lips stiff
but a sweet night with you dear would be some precious gift
So when the stakeout is over I'll still be waiting
To pick up again with some serious dating
In the meantime, remember, you hunk of a man
That Agnes DiPesto is your biggest fan
A Womb With a View
Blue Moon Detective Agency
Some lowdown no good Nick make off with your dough?
We can't solve your case 'cause we don't have a show
We went off the air at the end of last season
'Cause management wouldn't listen to reason
Blue Moon's still here, though there's one thing we're sans
our millions of loyal, intelligent fans
But hang in there mister, it'll just be a bit
And you won't have to deal with this rerun shi....
Between a Yuk and a Hard Place
You've reached Blue Moon
She'll be with you soon
That check's in the mail
Your husband's in jail?
One moment please, excuse the reprise
Blue Moon Detective Agency
Good Morning to you it's a wonderful day
Everything's great we're happy to say
The world's full of cheer, there's reason for glee
Thanks to quick work by MacGiliuddy and me
The Color of Maddie
(Bert)
Hello...uh
Blue Moon Agency of Private Detection
We yearn to guide you in a virtuous direction
from the dawn of fair youth to hoary convalescence
to fight the good fight is our goal and our essence
(MacGilicuddy)
Obnoxious toady spewing gobblygook
pretentious a put on, take a mirror and look
You make me vomit you fuzz coated yutz
Whoever sired you was totally nuts
(Agnes)
Thank you for holding, we regret the delay
We're eager to hear what you have to say
Shirts and Skins
Blue Moon Investigations
Are you the target of somebody's ire?
About to kidnapped?Divorced?Set on fire?
Why wait 'til your honey's cashed out and fled?
The ransom note's read or maybe you're dead?
Our pre-mayhem check up is perfect for you
Just a few bucks and we'll sniff every clue
We'll pester your friends, dig high and dig low
If your number's up, don't you want to know?
Perfetc
Blue Moon Detective Agency
Sorry for not answering on the first ring
We're cleaning and dusting, preparing for spring
getting rid of the old to make room for the new
So we give every client his or her due
Sorry operator we cannot accept
An out of state call that is collect
In 'n Outlaws
(Agnes and Bert's doormat)
Agnes and Bert
Please wipe your dirt
