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NEW UPDATE!I have not posted here in years as I have not had the passion to do so. Now I have had an epiphany and want to post it on the front page. This update also includes a site name change: It is now "I am NOT Schizophrenic ... I was just tired" I don't have the program that made the graphic banners, anymore though, so they will remain for the time being. OK, Here is the update: It has occurred to me that I may be able to overcome a majority of my "mental health problems" with one course of action. I have long known that many symptoms of the major mental illnesses can manifest themselves in people with severe sleep deprivation. There have been numerous major scientific studies which have concluded this. I have also seen clear (albeit anecdotal) evidence of this in my own life. But I have not always associated lack of sleep with my symptoms. Rather, I normally think of my lack of sleep as a separate issue. I say, "I am stressed out and have trouble sleeping." -and- "I am having symptoms." Instead of "I am not sleeping well because of high stress and it is manifesting as symptoms of mental illness." My normal line of reasoning presumes that there is something deeply and permanently wrong with me, and that the sleep aggravates it. The second way of thinking would presume that the only thing wrong with me is that I am not getting enough sleep, and a good night's rest would cure what ails me, and help me deal with the stressors that are keeping me up at night. I am a firm believer that we create more of our realities than most people are willing to admit. Even those who say "Life is what you make it" typically don't believe that our perceptions shape our individual universes (realities, paradigms) as much as I believe they do. Having made several of these paradigms of my own in the past, I can say this with certainty (though again, only anecdotally). With this line of reasoning, it becomes less important that we believe what is actually truth, or scientifically provable. So long as what we believe works for us, mentally (that it makes sense in our heads). And that it benefits ourselves and those around us. Personally I give more weight to those things which are scientifically provable, because that is my current paradigm. But science is open to a lot of interpretation. Science does not know everything. There are many topics where different scientists can show seemingly contradictory proofs and both camps will remain credible. So to some extent, I can still pick and choose which science works best for my perception of the universe. Going with the studies that say sleep deprivation causes many symptoms
of mental illness. And with the fact that mental illnesses are merely
presumed to be neurological in many or most cases (a diagnosis is given
by observation of persistence of symptoms, rather than brain scans and
whatnot by qualified neurologists). Adding to these the observation
that my symptoms have been mild most of the time, and only appear to
worsen when I am not sleeping well, I believe I can reach the conclusion
that my "persistent symptoms" were the result of persistent sleep
deprivation... (Persistent sleep deprivation has indeed been a recurring
thing for most of my life.)
I am comforted by this new paradigm and plan to make it a part of my daily life. I'm excited by the prospects of it. Excited enough to want to update my web page. I'll let you know how it works out. I hope this wasn't over your head. Did I make sense? Do you think what I am saying is possible? Probable? Do you have any questions? I will gladly try to clarify anything that was not 100% clear in this post. Feel free to email me! 2007/11/03++Kenneth
IntroductionThis is no longer a Cyndi Lauper fan page. I believe that if I am going to add something to the Internet, it should be the only page of it's kind, or it should cover a topic better than any other page on the 'net. There are some wonderful Cyndi sites out there that I could never compete with. There may be other sites similar to this one, now, but I consider this to be substantially unique on the Internet because it contains my story, and my personal views on Schizophrenia and the mental health organizations. My story is the primary reason I put this site online. I have shared it with friends, family, and people I have met online, in Cyndi Lauper mailing lists. They have generally agreed I should share my story. Well, they mostly figured I should publish it and sell it, but that method would not serve my goals. I was labeled schizophrenic, and I feel there is an unnecessary stigma associated with this label. People labeled schizophrenic are distrusted, discriminated against, unreasonably feared, and generally misunderstood. I have learned to overcome this stigma by denying the label, and dealing with my symptoms individually. I control some symptoms, tolerate others, and enjoy the rest. I believe we should label people as people. For example, my diagnosis is Kenneth. I believe I am not schizophrenic, though I may experience enough of the symptoms listed in the DSM-IV to classify me as such. I believe I am a person with symptoms. I deal with those symptoms in a unique way. I refuse to accept the stigma of schizophrenia, and I live my life to the fullest. I am typically anti-medication, but I believe each person should make their own informed choices. I do believe the research on anti-psychotic, and anti-depressant drugs can ultimately lead to some very good things in the future. But, the current generation of drugs are far from being wholly beneficial, and I am personally not going to participate in the experiments that could lead to the better drugs. I believe there are enough success stories out there to show that medication is not the only answer, and that even the people who have the worst and most pervasive symptoms can make a full recovery without the use of modern medication. I also believe in safe withdrawal from medications. There are numerous resources for help on how to stop taking medication if you decide to do so. Email me if you cannot find any. I want to make this a positive site, despite my many rants. I am keeping the negative statements on my site because I feel that these things need to be said, and I feel justified anger is not negative. Hopefully, this anger can be used as a catalyst to promote change. In order to make this a more positive site, I am working on a list of things I have done to cope with my own symptoms. This will soon be included in the Resources section.
My MissionI wish to encourage others who have been labeled as schizophrenic to consider what their symptoms mean, and what purpose they serve. There are some that truly need to be controlled, but there are others which can be quite useful. I believe information is the key to success. I also understand the symptoms people experience makes it difficult to process this information. However, I believe each person should be able to make their own choices about what is best, regardless of what their mental capacity is. We are Americans, after all. I believe Involuntary Treatment should be abolished on all levels. The primary reason I will never seek treatment is the fact that when I do so, I give up my freedom. So long as involuntary treatment laws remain, I would always need to seek the approval of a doctor in order to live my life. I would rather die. (This is not an indication of potential harm to self, it a statement of the strength of my belief - he says with biting sarcasm). Involuntary treatment laws violate our constitutional rights, and I have personally seen this power abused "to err on the side of caution" too many times. I do not consider anti-psychotic medications to be an option for me. I believe it is still experimental, and the policies in place for the method prescribing them are very bad. I believe the money involved skews prescription decisions, and that is never good for the patient's health. Furthermore, the side-effects are far too serious to be taken lightly. I believe others should make their own choices regarding medication and treatment. I believe they should make *informed* decisions. That does not mean "*Informed* by the psychiatrist, or the drug website". They never tell you the whole story. It means "*Informed* by multiple sources with opposing interests." Know the potential risks and rewards of each form of treatment. I will try to present my beliefs the best I can without compromising, but I am naturally able to see both sides, so it may appear as though I am waffling when I am considering the truths presented by those who oppose my views. Each side has some truth, or the argument would not last.
DisclaimerIMPORTANT!!! Please read I Am Not Schizophrenic before you label me!!! I use the terms Schizophrenic, and Schizophrenia lightly because no other terms come any closer to describing my symptoms. I do not take the issue of being labeled as Schizophrenic lightly. I have laid out extensive plans to prevent my becoming involved in the mental health system regarding my symptoms. I have also laid out extensive plans to retaliate (within the bounds of the law) against anyone who attempts to officially label me with any mental illness, condition, or personality. I will also retaliate (within the bounds of the law) against anyone who reports me to a mental health agency as being mentally unstable in any way, or to be considered a threat to myself or others. I feel so strongly about this matter, I would disown loved ones in order to respond to such attacks on my person.
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