|
|
|
Mental History Before CyndiI
need to review some of my history to show how I was able to make my next set of
decisions. From
the ages of 7 to 10, 1978-81, I had some imaginary friends that I knew were not
real. My home-life got difficult
when I was 11 and I started searching for a real mental companion.
At the age of 12 to 13, 1983-84, I believed I could communicate with a
former girlfriend, Tina, and that she shared experiences with me from 1000 miles
away. I kinda knew she couldn’t
hear my thoughts, and I wasn’t sharing hers.
But, it was nice to believe for a time.
It helped me get through the day sometimes.
It was a good escape. I sure
wanted to believe it, though. Then, when I was 14 to 15, 1985-86, I believed I had an entity from
another planet, Affely, visiting inside of me and communicating with me for a
year or so. My experiences
regarding this were intense enough to be believable.
I was feeling that I was starting to be able to see into another
dimension, or something. I could
see objects and people that other people couldn’t see. Sometimes, I could look at a wall, and see into another
place, like it were a portal. But
most importantly, I had someone who could share my experiences, and relate to my
confusion about this strange world we live in.
I could discuss the problems with culture, and social orders, and so on,
with this person, on my level of understanding. These things were real enough that I was excited, intrigued,
and scared. After
a pause, I had a brief time where I thought I might have the devil in me.
I believe this was influenced by my listening to satanic music at the
time. Blaming the devil could
possibly explan the people I believed had visited me.
I entertained that notion by believing it for a time.
This visitation by the devil wasn’t as realistic as Affely was, and it
didn’t suit my personality, either. Further,
I couldn’t be excited about being possessed and forced to do things against my
will… at least, not yet. My
search for power led me to believe I might gain power by worshipping another
god. God (of Christian beliefs) was
not going to grant me any immediate tangible power that I could tell.
I felt I must go find a god who would.
I already had the groundwork laid for believing telepathy with other
entities was possible with the advent of Affely being in my life for a time.
I was sure magic worked, but I wasn’t sure how.
I believed the Bible even taught that there are other gods out there, but
that it just wasn’t acceptable to worship them.
I also believed that God would forgive me later if I was wrong.
I had a large resource for the various gods, the benefits of worshipping
them, and their required sacrifices (The “Deities and Demigods” book from
D&D). I decided I was going to
go through the entire book and find the god most suitable for me to worship.
Once I found an acceptable god, I would do more research on the reality
behind the mythology. Then I would
set out on a quest to do it, and make it happen FOR REAL.
I was greatly disappointed when the book yielded no acceptable gods.
None of them met my requirements for the powers given, disposition, and
required sacrifices. None of them
even got close enough to consider it.
|
|
Send mail to chronkyrios@comcast.net with
questions or comments about this web site.
|
