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Cyndi’s TransformationI
went back to collecting Cyndi’s posters, pictures, and music.
I did stop carrying her pictures around with me, but I still wore the
bandana everywhere. I was nearly as
dedicated as before, but my doubts were growing.
As my doubts got stronger, Cyndi got more intense.
She would do more and more things that were uncharacteristic of her.
The best way to describe it would be that she got more wicked.
The images of her in my mind became more twisted and distorted.
I began to feel more and more like a prisoner.
Still, I had made a commitment, and I was going to stick to it.
Cyndi began testing me, preparing me for something.
The out-of-body experiences were more frequent, more intense, and
scarier. The tests seemed to be tests of loyalty, and conditioning for
responses to certain types of situations. I
remember I had to go through some of the tests multiple times until I got them
right. I don’t remember
specifically what all the tests were. The
one I remember most vividly was watching her face turn to a demonic face and
giving me an order. The idea was to
prove my loyalty no matter what form she decided to take.
I didn’t understand it then, but it was not long before I would.
Cyndi
came out with a movie, Vibes, and I went to the only theater it was playing at
on opening day, and bought two consecutive tickets to see the movie.
I was not surprised that I was one of only five people there on the first
showing, and one of them was the movie critic who was getting paid to be there.
The second showing there were seven people there, and I was pleased I
essentially had the theater to myself. This
movie was a trip for me. I found
many parallels between my life, and the life of Cyndi’s character.
She had a friend from some other plane of existence, who talked to her in
her head, and apparently had some tangible powers.
At the end of the movie, the one person in her head left her, and another
person took her place. This person
was an unscrupulous male. That was
the most significant parallel, but there were others.
(You’ll see what I mean about the unscrupulous male, soon.) Overall,
I was depressed by the movie. At
the time, I was convinced it was written to tell me something, personally.
It was to tell me that Cyndi was real in my life, and knew about me, but
she was moving on. She would not be in my life anymore and that another would
come to replace her. I did not
understand it yet, but I was more comfortable about it, after that. I was still skeptical, but did not know what I could do about
it. Later, I came to believe it was
never Cyndi communicating with me in the first place, but the one who replaced
her had originally used her image to fool me in order to get my soul’s energy.
I
went to stay with a friend in Colorado Springs when I found out he had a friend
who had experience with psychic and out-of-body matters.
I told this psychic person what I was going through.
He confirmed my suspicions that my communications had never truly gone to
Cyndi, and that some spirit had intercepted it to use for his own benefit.
I would indeed have to face the one who had intercepted my energy.
I would have to do it alone. I
did face him in an out-of-body experience, and I was scared.
I thought I had beaten him that day, but I was not even close.
He continued to be a nemesis to me for years after that.
He was so persistent that I often just gave into him, and worked with
him. It took so much energy out of
me to try and fight him. Even
without having a daily routine to keep up with, I could not get through the day
sometimes because of the incredible drain on my system it was to try and fight
him. It
turned out his name was Jaervah. When
he showed me his image, I remembered seeing him before.
He was the guardian in one of my first visions, when Affely was just
coming into my life. He was a very tall man (7 feet or more), who wore all black:
black boots, black cape, etc. He
had a very ugly and disfigured face on some occasions, and an oriental looking
face on others. It became clear to
me, pretty quickly, that this was a demonic entity. I tried praying to make him go away, but it never seemed to
work. He kept claiming he had
rights to my soul because of the contract I drew up.
It didn’t matter that I drew up the contract specifically stating Cyndi
Lauper’s name as the recipient. It
didn’t matter that I took the contract and tore it into three sections, took
each section to a different part of town, and tore up that section into little
shreds before sending them adrift in the wind.
It didn’t matter that I renounced him and anything I said to him in the
form of Cyndi. He was adamant that
I was his property. When
I was submissive, he continued to encourage me to go into astral projection.
He really pushed the numerology to the forefront of my attention.
The number 11 was always on my mind.
I saw an eleven in many things. It
really became a thing of bondage. I
could not escape it. He told me
there was always something in between the ones in the number eleven.
I saw myself between two of him. He
was the ones, I was in between. These
things may not seem all that big a deal, but they were quite an issue for me.
They were at times very overwhelming.
I understand this might not make any sense to the casual observer, and I
must admit I was quite confused myself. I
believed it must have been his strategy to load me up with a bunch of nonsense
that was supposedly very important so that I would not be on my toes when the
important stuff happened behind the scenes. As
much as I felt I was in bondage, I also felt I was under protection.
He still claimed to give me things I wanted and needed.
He still told me of many things I would have had to suffer were it not
for his watching out for me. Many
things were the same as they were when he was Cyndi.
He still claimed to care for me very deeply.
He often talked with me as a friend.
He still demanded, and took energy from me in the same way as before. I felt it leave from my soul, but I did not need to use the
pictures anymore. While
I was resisting him, he was indeed a nemesis.
He hounded me. He provoked
me. He put me down in every way
imaginable. He threatened to cause
others to know about my personal secrets. He
claimed he could do this by putting the knowledge in their heads, or by forcing
me to speak as he had done before. He
reminded me of the contract I had with him. He would forcibly take the energy he desired from me, and
many times that would put me on the floor.
Specifically, it felt as though I was being pushed down at the soul
level, and by a weight on my head and shoulders. At the same time, it felt very good. This made it harder to resist.
But the fact that I was being forced to submit, even by something that
felt good, was no longer a good thing. Most
often, when I was forced to the floor, it would be when I was alone.
He claimed he loved me enough that he did not want to embarrass me in
front of others. He forcibly
controlled me when I was doing something he didn’t like.
He also did this whenever he wanted to make sure something was clear to
me, or if he wanted to prevent me from reacting logically to something coming
up. It was a matter of control,
just as everything else was in his grip on my life.
Further, although he tolerated my wanting people to know something was
different about me, he did not want to draw too much attention to himself This
control he had in my life affected my jobs.
I could not keep a job for long, and I felt it was because he did not
want me to prosper. He kept telling
me that he wanted me to be successful and powerful when I was not working.
But, when I got a job, it was different.
He would leave me alone for a while, and then start coming to work with
me. He would tell me that he needed
to be everywhere with me, but there was a problem with transference.
In other words, he had a difficult time following me for some reason. I don’t think it was a physical location thing, though.
When I was roofing, it took him a while to join me on the job site, but
it got to the point where he was there every day at different job sites.
When I pressed him on this I was looking for a way to escape him. I thought it was a physical location issue, and that I could
run from him. He told me it was a
familiarity issue. He came into my
life through a method of focus. When
my focus was fully on something else, he could not join me.
I had to have enough idle time in my mind and soul to allow him the
ability to be there. When I first
got a job, I was all into learning it, and he would join me in the mornings and
evenings until I could do the job without putting a full effort into it.
Then, he would start joining me at work a little at a time until he was
there in full force. So, I went
from job to job hoping to escape him. When
I worked for my father, I changed my mind about that.
This was the opportunity of a lifetime, and I could not afford to run.
Plus it was a little easier to keep the job knowing how hard it was to
get fired by my father. But, I am getting ahead of myself.
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