A Review by Phil Calabro
2002, Dimension Films, Dir. Jaume Balagueró - Starring Anna Paquin, Lena Olin, Iain Glen, Giancarlo Giannini, Fele Martínez, Stephan Enquist, Fermín Reixach, Francesc Pagés, Craig Stevenson, Paula Fernández, Gemma Lozano, Xavier Allepuz, Joseph Roberts
(*Gives off exasperated sigh*) It's movies like 'Darkness' that make me wonder what goes through some studio executives minds when they choose to produce certain films. When they're given a script, can't they realize the utter unoriginality of the plot in comparison with the classical works, or the fact that it's just way too silly? Directed and written all by Spaniards, it makes me wonder if these creators of 'Darkness' had ever seen the likenesses of 'The Shining' and 'The Brood' - because they've pretty much carbon copied all of these into one big raspberry. I counted a record 24 times that I said 'this sucks' while watching this movie, if that gives you any clue to how much I hated it. This movie was made in 2002, and for some reason Miramax decided to release it last minute of the winter season. If it's been two years already, why bother releasing it at all? How can a line like 'the darkness eats my pencils' be taken seriously in any context anyway?
In modern day Spain (Editor's Note: For taking place entirely in Spain, it's odd that no one speaks Spanish), a family has moved back to their father's childhood home, after a couple of job relocations. While living in the house, lots of straaaaange things start happening (*cue sinistering music*). Their father (Glen) starts having some weird seizure-like attacks, and goes into crazed fits where he (1) chops things really quickly and (2) yells and bangs on doors. Their teenager daughter Regina (Paquin) thinks there's something more to the situation, and her suspicion grows stronger when her little brother (Enquist) starts growing bruises across his neck. She and her male acquaintance Carlos (Martinez) begin to research as much as they can about the house they're living in. They learn it was a house of the occult, where seven children had their throats slit on the day of the eclipse, starting a horrible curse which....oh, I forget. Something about their family and the apocalypse, that's all I remember. Well, it's got to do with darkness. I'm sure about that.
Wow, doesn't it look like Anna Paquin is having a lot of fun in this role? She undoubtedly looks the most bored she ever has in a role - but who can blame her? She was second fiddle at this trashfest after Natalie Portman turned down the role of Regina, and she was given horrible lines as well. Not to forget the horrid chemistry between Regina and Carlos, the most that can be said is that they limit their love on flirting. They hug and they act all in love, but it's the worst depiction of romance I've seen this year. And then these parents, what parents! These parents are so stubborn, to the point of being completely unrealistic. When your husband has had insanity fits, your son has gigantic bruises across his face, and strange things keep appearing around the house like, oh say, dead children, how come the mother will not believe her inquisitive daughter? Lena Olin is always in the same disposition - she's tired from a 'long day of work', resting her head in her hands, not even noticing that the electricity's on the fritz and her husband is off on a murderous rampage.
Oh, now I remember what the story was about! The 'darkness', yes the dark, is a paranormal force which takes over the bodies of the house and kills them. So, Regina and her brother must stop 'the darkness'. Right. But the darkness is in the forms of little kids, and these little ghost children, they're tricky little buggers, I must say! They just love to run across the halls quickly for shock effect, stare blazingly into their victim's eyes, and drive people insane! Crazy, I say! Why is it always the stupid little kid who gets in contact with the paranormal beings first? Not only is it a terrible cliche, but it's also really unconceivable? What joy do the ghosts always get out of scaring the little ones first? Yet they never do any harm to him? It's my honest belief that every aspect of this movie, and I mean every, is either unoriginal or done completely wrong.
'Darkness' is like the little smart-aleck on the playground who just starts throwing rocks at everything in hopes of scaring his peers. It pulls every ploy in the book, but it can't escape the fact that it's stupid. It's like the lost pilot to the 'The New Outer Limits', except bad. 'Shasta McNasty' bad. 'Darkness' is better left in the dark anyway.
