A Review by Phil Calabro
2005, Columbia Pictures/Happy Madison Productions, Dir. Mike Bigelow - Starring Rob Schneider, Eddie Griffin, Hanna Verboom, Jeroen Krabbé, Til Schweiger, Kostas Sommer, Federico Dordei, Micky Hoogendijk, Vincent Martella, Miranda Raison, Fred Armisen
The question still arises: why? Why would executives from any studio want to leave their audiences in such pain from a movie like this? I saw this movie for one reason only - the fact it was free. Isn't that what Rob Schneider doesn't want to hear? He keeps getting criticism from every critic across the board, arguing his oeuvre but only producing templated trash like 'Deuce Bigalow 2'. Isn't there some role that this comedian can take that doesn't involve an interspecies change or selling himself as a manwhore? I guess there is, but that would result in having to star in another Van Damme movie, so that'd be career suicide. At 1 hour 20 minutes, this movie is way too long and overdrawn to carry a storyline. Chock full of repulsive gags and other lame sex jokes, this is like sitting next to that drunk guy in the pub who's got a book of dirty jokes and a plaid jacket. It's funny to look at, but painful to listen to.
Deuce Bigalow (Schneider) has seemingly finished his manwhoring until his friend TJ Hicks (Griffin) urges him to make a visit to Amsterdam, where Hicks has been making a good living. But recently there has been a long line of murders - solely toward the gigolos of the city, and the body count is starting to grow. When TJ is caught standing next to a dead gigolo, he is presumed to be the murderer. He forces Deuce to go back to manwhoring not to keep up business, but to find the possible killer - who Deuce spotted in the Red Light district. Of course, Bigalow is stuck with all the reject women, but he finds a friend in the niece (Verboom) of the suspicious detective Gaspar (Krabbe) who is on the hunt for TJ.
Wow, that's probably the shortest plot summary I've ever written. Could it be because of the movie has nothing to support itself on other than Schneider acting like the obligatory oblivious idiot that he plays in all his movies? I'm not afraid to say this, but Rob Schneider isn't a bad actor in the flesh - he's got a hint of vaudeville inspiration in him, but he purposely chooses horrible roles for himself anyway. 'Deuce Bigalow' wasn't in the contract - he even took the job of writing the script himself. How could somebody who toplined SNL with his wit let his career sink like this? It's a shame, but he has no else to blame but himself. Schneider does nothing to advance the character, but are expecting to analyze this like it was a respectable movie? Not really. Eddie Griffin is just downright awful to watch. He's every bad stereotype and racial joke teller combined into one. Make way for the unoriginal!
The essentials for writing a script like 'Deuce Bigalow 2' involved a pad of paper, a pencil, and a whole lot of weed - and for backup, a couple of third graders to do a proofread of it, and add a little bit of their own humor into the mix. From ejaculation to sick mutations and even to the lowest of the low - fart jokes - 'Deuce Bigalow' looks like a lost episode of 'The Tom Green Show'. The concept was original and sort of funny in 'Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo', but now it's just a big excuse to be as politically incorrect as possible. The only few laughs in the movie depend on jokes involving US-Europe relationships, and they certainly were boisterous. There's no sting or zip in any of the jokes, no perfect delivery, no proper introduction to the comedy. The movie is one big recycled joke - and Schneider ends up being the butt of it again.
'Deuce Bigalow' wasn't the most painful movie of the year, but it's close enough. There's only so much stupidity that I can take in two hours. It wasn't bad enough to walk out of, but it wasn't good enough that I'd recommend you spend six dollars to consider walking out of it. Just write a letter to Rob Schneider telling him to cut the crap and get a new agent, and you'll be doing the world a favor.
