A Review by Phil Calabro
2005, 20th Century Fox, Dir. Thomas Bezucha - Starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Diane Keaton, Claire Danes, Rachel McAdams, Dermot Mulroney, Craig T. Nelson, Luke Wilson, Tyrone Giordano, Brian J. White, Elizabeth Reaser, Paul Schneider, Savannah Stehlin
These dysfunctional family movies typically burn me up, but not as much as 'The Family Stone' did this year. There is a vile attitude covering this piece of garbage, and it not only brings down the attitudes of the audience, but rots the film's content. So nonchalant and self-assuming that it is a unique family experience to see 'Family Stone', the film chugs along at a steady pace with confidence and strut. But behind that star-studded cast and those impeccably carved looks of Dermot Mulroney, there's nothing behind 'Stone's snobbish screenplay. The film has its perks and what-not, but a majority of the film is nothing but offensive and uncomfortable filler, most of what leads to an empty cache at the bottom of this rancid barrel. 'The Family Stone', which is writer/director Tom Bezucha's sophomore effort in film, is an emotionally bankrupt and mean-spirited chunk of old fruitcake. It's something we've all seen before, but it leaves a heavy taste in your mouth and all you'll want to do is forget you've even glanced at it.
Everett Stone (Mulroney) is going home for the holidays, and he's bringing his to-be fiance along with him. Meredith Morton (Parker), his girlfirend just happens to be the polar opposite of every family member from the Stone family - she is stiff-necked, uptight, and way too sensitive for any of the cynics that exist in Everett's old abode. The Stones, run by father Kelly (Nelson) and mother Sybil (Keaton), treat this homecoming with awful regard for Meredith - constantly treating her like dirt and eventually leading her to stay at the local inn and call her sister Julie (Danes) to stay with her. But the fall downhill hasn't even started - Meredith eventually gets in a feud with the Stones over their son Thad's (Giordano) sexual orientation, leaving their Christmas Eve dinner in total shambles. The Stone's slacker son Ben (Wilson) tends to Meredith for the night, while Everett tends to her sister. Throughout that night, Everett learns that choosing Mer was probably not the best choice he could've made.
[Editor's Note: Doesn't that sound like one of the most broken storylines ever written? That's because it was.]
I can't find one performance from any of the characters, with the mild exception of Luke Wilson, that was not the least bit annoying. Being around the Stones is like being around the most uncomfortable, broken family you could possibly settle down with. Diane Keaton plays the role of Sybil with continual abhorrence - whether it's a typical sarcastic comment or some sort of antagonistic feud she's involved in. Craig T. Nelson - you can obviously see the spirit of 'Coach' has finally dissolved. Not even he can manage a friendly role in 'Family Stone', as he plays alongside the family's bitter and slacker nature. Rachel McAdams, albeit one of the year's most talented delights, didn't raise any eyebrows for me, as her character of Amy Stone exhibited the same motherly hatred that coats Diane Keaton's role. Dermot Mulroney should learn to act rather than relying on his handsome mug, Sarah Jessica Parker needs to loosen up like her character, and Luke Wilson is practically the bane of tired performances. If there's anything of worth in 'The Family Stone', it's the presence of Claire Danes, who shines a promising glimmer for the already defunct story - she lightens the mood with her calm and cute demeanor, rather than dragging it down with more sarcasm.
'The Family Stone' carries all the characteristics of a cinematic failure. 180-degree turnarounds are made in the snap of a finger, as the focal relationship (Everett and Meredith) just dissolves without any real decision or discussion made. We watch Sarah Jessica Parker snap open a brew with Luke Wilson, and watch Dermot swoon ultimately over her sister. This left me confused and distraught - more time and precision should have been taken if a switch would result. Instead, the movie is left in shambles as the audience tries to understand why Everett doesn't care about Meredith anymore. And where/why did Julie Morton come into the picture? What are her aspects that presents herself as a better mate to Everett? Nothing is answered, because Bezucha cares about one thing and one thing only: a happy ending for everyone. As long as the sardonic sniffling can take place throughout the first two-thirds of the movie, the director just wants something to tie it all together. Talk about an end to your holiday cheer.
'The Family Stone' is a depressing, damp towel to the face. The audience may receive their dandy-as-candy finale that director Bezucha wanted, but there's nothing satisfying about this piece of trash - beginning, middle, or end. As I left the cinema from 'Stone', I was reminded of the words of Thomas Wolfe, who must've also realized how truly forgettable this was: "You can't go home again."
