A Review by Phil Calabro
2005, 20th Century Fox, Dir. John Polson - Starring Robert De Niro, Dakota Fanning, Famke Janssen, Elizabeth Shue, Amy Irving, Dylan Baker, Melissa Leo, Robert John Burke, Molly Grant Kallins, David Chandler, Stewart Summers, Jake Dylan Baumer
I find it hard to believe that 'Hide and Seek' has been continuously labeled as a 'supernatural thriller'. The name in itself doesn't make sense - it's neither supernatural or the least bit thrilling. The director John Polson lets the story play off more like last year's horrendous 'Birth' in the same infinitesimal artsy way. The movie is composed of nothing more than 45-minute intervals of nothing, a rough cut of 1 or 2 good scares, and the confusing ending. There's a continuous trend with these wild twist endings that screenwriters are concocting - they're supposed to cause tremendous shock; a feeling that no viewer would have seen coming. Sure, it's a mild achievement, but it shouldn't be leaving audiences pondering each plot element afterwards to see if they left any plot holes open. In the end, 'Hide and Seek' is just another silly film that's miscast with good actors, and tarnished once the screenwriter decides to throw in the unimpressive finale. Like the children's game, it feels more like the fat kid who never got found.
David Callaway (De Niro) is a psychologist who lives in New York City with his beautiful wife Allison (Irving) and young daughter Emily (Fanning). Although he is a psychologist, David's wife suffers from depression, and he wakes up in the middle of the night one night to find her dead in the bathtub after an apparent suicide. Emily was watching the entire scene and is completely traumatized by the whole situation. It is David's idea to move out into upstate New York to help get away from the recent distress, hoping that it will be better for Emily. His friend Katherine (Janssen), who is a fellow psychologist, disapproves of the idea but allows him to do it. Once moving out to their new house, Emily becomes acquainted with a new imaginary friend - Charlie. But Charlie isn't your average imaginary friend, he's a menacing ghoul who is out to torment David about the death of his wife.
If you're wondering why I gave this movie half a star, here's the answer. As much as Robert De Niro has had a knack for picking some really terrible films recently, he adds flair to even the worst movies. I don't feel he achieved anything in 'Meet the Fockers' because his act seemed used. As David, De Niro isn't given any monumental lines or monologues - just basic screenwriting - and his execution is prime. It may come as a surprise to readers, but I did not find Dakota Fanning to be the least bit interesting or talented. If your idea of 'talent' lies within a child's role that does nothing for the running time except stare into open space and walk around like a 10-year-old zombie, than maybe Fanning will impress you. She is just another child star, who either plays the role of some cynical brat or plays a dead ringer to Samara from 'The Ring'. She is boring and downright irritating to watch.
As quoted from the official 'Hide' one-sheet handed out by 20th Century Fox, writer Ari Schlossberg says, "I wanted to write a really scary movie. I grew up in New York City, and the woods always held an element of fear for me. So of course I set my story in a rural woodsy town." Isn't that what every aspiring writer wants to do? Write a good film, and in this case, a horror? Poor Mr. Schlossberg should get a reality check sometime soon, because his dream project is as far from suspenseful as possible. There's very little explained during the first hour - we notice that some of the new neighbors to the Callaways are rather nosy, that Emily draws some terrible pictures, and David left the tea on the stove for too long. It's as monotonous as 'The Village's first half hour, and uneventful as 'Birth'. The ending feels unfinished, and bound to leave more viewers confused than shocked. It's kind of interesting of come out of a movie, and not critique it first hand, but discuss how the plot actually made sense.
'Hide and Seek' is a formulaic and silly flick that either bores or gives a short-lasting jolt to the audience. Sure, there's some violence in it, but it's so limited and crushed into the last few minutes of the movie that it ruins most of the experience. How many more of these twist-laden horror films will be produced? Easy answer - 2-one-thousand, 3-one-thousand, 4-one-thousand, 5-one-thousand...
