A Review by Phil Calabro
2005, Warner Brothers/Village Roadshow/Dark Castle, Dir. Jaume Collet-Serra - Starring Elisha Cuthbert, Chad Michael Murray, Brian Van Holt, Paris Hilton, Jared Padalecki, Jon Abrahams, Robert Ri'chard, Dragicia Debert, Thomas Adamson, Damon Herriman
Whodathunkit. The horror genre hasn't lost all its hope. It's funny to see that after a load of half-assed scary movies that have been released these past three years, that two released weeks within each other could easily salvage the whole concept of a horror movie. 'The Amityville Horror' and 'House of Wax', both remakes, have reverted to the old-fashioned method of 1980-esque slice-and-dice slashers for scares. 'Predictable' is not a word I'd use to describe 'House of Wax', because only one thing was certainly predictable to me - lots of teenagers died in the story. Sure, they camp out in the woods and a big mysterious figure watches them from a pickup truck, but other than that, I couldn't read what was going to happen. The result is a sadistic killer that uses wax as a form of torture and self-pride, with a heft amount of campy goodness packed into its 2-hour runtime. The acting is downright pathetic, the writing is weak, but the scares are genuine and powerful. With a new turn with the original 1954 story that starred the macabre master Vincent Price, 'House of Wax' is a chilling and refreshing frightfest.
(Editor's Note: This plot summary has been cut down very shortly so as not to spoil the movie. The twist is important and really cool, and I'm never one for spoilers anyway.)
A generic group of college students are taking a small road trip across the Southern coast to go see the biggest football game of the year, but considering the fact that they are weak and unaware of their surroundings, one of their cars break down. Two of these characters, Carly (Cuthbert) and her boyfriend Wade (Padalecki) hitch a ride with a hillbilly to a nearby town, Ambrose, to find a fan belt for Wade's car. The others hit the road for the football game, but end up in terrible traffic. Meanwhile, Carly and Wade come across an old wax museum, which they learn that everything - including the buildings - is made of wax. But there's something vicious beneath the layers of cakey substance - the curator (Van Holt) of the museum has rigged the entire city up to trap innocent tourists, kill them, and use their bodies as wax models. The curator has a plan to knock off all the teenagers, but they must hatch a plan quickly to end his evil ways forever.
As I said before, the acting jobs are miles away from stellar. Elisha Cuthbert, who is unbelievably attractive and slightly talented, fills the shoes of the unsuspecting teenage heroine who must resist the grasp of the villain so as to live and proceed to be beautiful. She seems the most genuine in her acting, and takes it the most seriously - if that's possible. Chad Michael Murray's character of Nick Jones, the irresponsible brother of Cuthbert's character, has been personally dulled down just so Murray could play him. He's not the most dimensional of teenage actors, but he pulls it off with some sense of heroism. Paris Hilton - well, let's just say it was fun watching her. What more can you expect from this bimbo? She's an unmistakenly horrible actress, but at least that's the novelty in it. My question is why she's already set up for two more movies after this? 'The Cat in the Hat' was enough of a credit. Brian Van Holt plays a ghastly curator, whose character can't be explained further without spoiling, but all I can say is that he's a damn good villain.
There are roughly two jolt scares throughout the entire movie, and the rest are just sadistic thrills. Director Jaume Collet-Serra, a (gasp) music video director, focuses on basic human pain for scares. Much like 'Saw', pressure points are a focus - simple snips at the body as well as beheadings and impalings are the specialty on this menu. Sometimes the campiness borders on plain insanity, and it will crawl underneath your skin. I flinched a good number of times during the movie, if that's any sign - the gore is relentless, but that's the best part. As the killer finds creepier ways to finish off these silly teenagers, you're wondering how they're going to finish off the killer. Blood flows like tap during 'House of Wax', so those who are scared during 'Boogeyman' are warned not to even consider buying a ticket.
'House of Wax' showcases some really lame performances, but I certainly enjoyed the break from the dumb scares that hog up the theaters these days. It felt so old-fashioned, with the innovative story and the senseless yet slightly methodical killings. I can't deny that there's not crap housed in this popcorn flick, but the mood is tightly packed and creepy nonetheless.
