A Review by Phil Calabro
2005, Columbia Pictures/Paramount Pictures/MTV Films, Dir. Peter Segal - Starring Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Burt Reynolds, James Cromwell, Nelly, Terry Crews, Walter Williamson, Michael Irvin, Nicholas Turturro, Dalip Singh, Bill Goldberg, Steve Austin, Bob Sapp
Sports and comedy are two genres that need to be properly combined, and when done without caution, can result in total crap. 'Caddyshack' had a heaping amount of humor that lightened the stiff nature of most country clubs, 'Bad News Bears' put a common face on the competitive ways of little league baseball. But 'Longest Yard', the revamp of the 1974 movie of the same name, is either too silly or too rough to be enjoyable. It's a weird movie of sorts, because the screenwriters seem to think the tragic death of a character can easily be patched up in a joke about drugs - it feels uneven overall. Adam Sandler, our protagonist and winner of ten million Kids Choice Awards, seems to care less about his character Paul Crewe than anybody else in the cast. It's not the fact that he can be a funny guy, he just doesn't seem to have the same amount of energy. 'The Waterboy' was a give-and-take for Sandler, but football just doesn't seem to be the name of the game in 'The Longest Yard'.
Paul "Wrecking" Crewe (Sandler) is a former pro football player, who left his career behind after a scandal erupted about whether he shaved points from a game or not. One night, he steals his socialite girlfriend's (Courtney Cox Arquette) sportscar while drunk, gets pulled over by the cops, and in the typical 'Con Air' fashion, gets jailed a few years for a petty crime. The jail, buried within the desert lands of Texas, is run by the heartless crook Warden Hazen (Cromwell), who recruits Crewe to coach a team of cons to play against his team of ruthless guards in a game of football. Hazen is running for governor of Texas, and in a ploy to land him some publicity, he gets ESPN to report on the game for business matters. Crewe, set up with a set of potentially strong and revenge-driven prisoners, sets out to battle the guards and the warden, whose lifes are set making theirs a living hell. With the help of the Caretaker (Rock) and former Heisman trophy winner Nate Scarboro (Reynolds), Crewe battles the Warden, but the threat arrives - purposely lose the game, or get stuck in jail for another 25 years.
I've never thought Adam Sandler was a particularly funny (or talented) actor, but 'Longest Yard' solidified it for me. His droll tone of voice and juvenile sense of humor does nothing but bog down the mood of the movie. He attempts to draw some sympathy out of the movie with the whole 'point shaving' dilemma, but that ends up nowhere in the end. Chris Rock has become completely unoriginal now - there is no excuse for his persistent racial humor, which even introduces his character. He must face the fact that the white-black joke died about a good seven years ago. It's a sad truth, but we all have to face it now and again. Burt Reynolds is nothing but a mere ploy for the movie - a character written into the screenplay especially for him, just to show that movie execs still want the golden oldies inhabiting the silver screen to this day. Reynolds, who commandeered the 1974 edition, does little more than throw out some inspiration during the movie as well as give a little bit of a thrill when he puts on the football uniform for the audience's novelty. Cromwell, despite looking rather grim, did nothing for me when it comes to being intimidating. Too skinny, too old.
***SPOILERS AHEAD - BEWARE***
To dwell on the serious-not serious line I mentioned earlier. For example: three-quarters of a way through the film, the character of the Caretaker dies in a horrific explosion - set up by one of the opponent inmates. This is definitely portrayed as a tragic moment, but minutes later the jokes start flying one after another. Jokes about steroids being placed by estrogen zing. There is an undeniable lack of balance in the script, as the roughhousing clashes against the slapstick nature of most Adam Sandler movies. I hate to burst the bubble of most sports fans, but this is not a good example of a funny movie. It switches moods between acts, and it's pretty unacceptable. In a movie like 'Con Air', the silly jokes told by the prisoners clashes perfectly with the revenge-driven Cameron - but the same balance isn't achieved here.
'The Longest Yard' isn't a funny movie, simply put. Even when it tries to be funny, it's unoriginally funny. Overall, it's a surreal experience. To deal with the cruel nature of some prisoner guards and then crack some sexual innuendo about male prisoners is not the most likely combination I'd deal with.
