A Review by Phil Calabro
2005, 20th Century Fox/Regency, Dir. Doug Liman – Starring Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Vince Vaughn, Kerry Washington, Adam Brody, Keith David, Chris Weitz, Rachel Huntley, Michelle Monaghan, Stephanie March, Jennifer Morrison, Theresa Barrera, Perrey Reeves, Jerry Adams
Watching this, all I could think was: "I'm the only one not laughing at anything here. What am I missing?" Personally, I don't really think I missed anything, but I guess I'm just not one for one-track movies that are labeled 'cool', ergo, they are cool. This movie, helmed by talented 'Swingers' and 'Go' director Doug Liman, has the exact same mindset that plagued last winter's 'Ocean's Twelve'. When you have two toplining A-list actors - who wear the most luxurious clothing, have scandalous relationships with their spouses and family, and contribute to charities on the sidelines – where can you go wrong? There's no need for a strong plot, they can just stand there and deliver their lines in that same old slow 'awesome' fashion that's just so 'badass' – oh hell, they don't have to talk at all and they'll still be cool! No. 'Mr. and Mrs. Smith' is a soulless, boring feature with two uninteresting and mysterious main characters who concentrate so much on their fashion that the writers somehow ignore important plot elements like, 'What exactly do their jobs entail? And why are they focusing so much on Brad Pitt's boxers?'
John Smith (Pitt) and Jane Smith (Jolie) have been married for five years (five or six years), and their undying love for one another has sizzled over that time. They feel like something's building in between them, like all of the things they don't tell one another – sort of like that completely noticeable fact that both of them are super-secret spies working for opposing organizations. Of course, over those five or six years, neither of them ever could've noticed the blood-stained shirts, or leftover ammo, or secret underground bunkers, or visited each other at work. When both of them are assigned to kill off Benjamin Ganz (Brody), a character whose role is never actually mentioned, John screws over Jane's opportunity to kill him, and so they both learn of each other's spy identity. If they were working for opposing sides, how did her name never appear on the hit list? Forget it, not important, they're really cool – just reminding myself. So John and Jane plan to kill each other, but they can't do it – so they team up to find Ganz together.
There's one positive comment to make on our hero/heroine couple. Pitt and Jolie have unremarkable chemistry, no matter how pretentious and silly they look together. For two of Hollywood's most desirable workers, they know very well their status and make the most out of it. Brad Pitt is way too solemn as John Smith, and I suppose it's the same attitude that he took with his character Rusty from 'Ocean's Twelve' – he tries way too hard to act cool, and it reaches the point when it just becomes annoying and repetitive. Putting on light aviators and wearing Oscar de la Renta doesn't improve your acting skills. Angelina Jolie is a piece of work. She's way too smug and selfish to really enjoy – her grumpy lines and role don't do much for her, and make her a very unattractive character to watch. Adam Brody, the 'funny' twerp from FOX's hit fashion show 'The OC', is there only for the fact that he's got 15 minutes of fame to waste and it may as well be in a Brad Pitt movie. Vince Vaughn, in an uncreditted role, plays Eddie – the sole point of actual humor in this movie. Vaughn's silly delivery is genius and genuine.
Despite the fact that Pitt and Jolie have great chemistry doesn't excuse the horrible writing of Simon Kinberg. Somehow, minimalism has become a huge fad for screenwriters today. The less that the cast has to speak, the 'cool factor' rises a notch. For a prime example for the film's unforgivable plotline: John and Jane learn that each other are spies, and they go on a cat-and-mouse chase through their house, blowing up the entire place and eventually crippling one another through a tough fistfight. But before they let that last blow knock 'em down, they embrace and make-out in some sort of sick comedic fashion. There is a thick line between rage and love, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't crossed. It's inexcusable, silly, and wouldn't happen in a lifetime. Plots are left gaping this entire landscape after the finale, which is nothing but an excuse to see rapid gunfire, without any reasoning behind their actual shooting. We learn nothing about their jobs, we learn nothing about their body wounds, we learn nothing. All we know is what we knew before we entered the theater – Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are married spies out to kill one another.
'Mr. and Mrs. Smith' is a stylistic, unwitty, unfunny piece of crap. It'll gross a buttload – it already has – and people will continue to flock to it because it's got 'smart humor'. But you see, there's a problem here. 'Smart humor' is not aiming a gun at your wife's head then kissing her – it's doing the same thing, but with a good explanation behind it.
