A Review by Phil Calabro
2006, Fox Atomic, Dir. John Stockwell - Starring Josh Duhamel, Melissa George, Olivia Wilde, Desmond Askew, Beau Garrett, Max Brown, Agles Steib, Miguel Lunardi, Jorge Só, Cristiani Aparecida, Lucy Ramos, Andréa Leal, Diego Santiago, Marcao, Miguelito Acosta
When my second viewing of 'Borat' was cut short by a long line, I was confronted by a publicity head who asked if I would like to screen a different film across the hall. It was called 'Turistas', and no one in line seemed to have any idea what it was about. But they were handing out free travel guides for trivia questions, so everything seemed to be just dandy for them anyway. Just as it was for me, 'Turistas' is that lousy other option when the box office is sold out. It's the first film distributed by Fox Atomic, a new subsidiary of News Corp that coincidentally foreshadows how each of its films will result in a critical bombing. Designed and marketed towards horror buffs and horndog college students, the film is their Brazilian response to Lionsgate's 'Hostel': a cut-em-up neo-exploitation feature that leaves one or two survivors for the end. If I had the energy, I'd probably go wild with this review, but it's the evening and I've had a long day of work. The dialogue is pedestrian, the acting is stupendously dry and B-list and the violence remains overhyped by its promotional material. 'Turistas' is a bad movie - unnourished and carelessly written.
So, here goes. Group of knucklehead twentysomethings are on a bus trip through Brazil, led by big brother Alex (Duhamel), little sister Bea (Wilde), sister's hot friend Amy (Garrett), attractive bilingual acquaintance Pru (George), and two stereotyped Brits - Finn (Askew) and Liam (Brown). The bus swerves because of a deus ex machina motorcycling couple, dives off a cliff, and everybody has to find another route. So the kids do some walking, walk upon some shady yet attractive beach resort, party their heads off, and wake up the next morning drugged and robbed. Uh Oh! Apparently the natives have connections with some evil doctor who lives in a jungle castle, where he cuts open people and sells their organs. Did I just ruin the violence for you? No? Ok. Brazilian native Kiko (Steib, and man, what a name that character has) is an accomplice for said Dr. Zamora (Lunardi), and secretly leads the group to the castle for safety. All hell breaks loose, every man for himself. Now it's up to you to figure out who gets killed!
Forgiving this movie, I feel Josh Duhamel does belong in the film industry. He has all the qualities of a leading man, but not in such a one-dimensional one like 'Turistas'. He's the cranky, bitter, and very suspicious brother of the group, but these aspects are more noticeable than any of the other performances. Olivia Wilde and Beau Garrett do their best running around in as little clothes possible, only to hide themselves when the going gets tough. Sometimes I wonder if horror movies are meant to make beautiful women look unattractive under scary circumstances. Askew and Brown, the two British folks, are nothing more than lousy foreign props set up by an uneducated screenwriter, and you can only expect to laugh at their little language witticisms. Miguel Lunardi, who plays the crooked Dr. Zamora, should have been on for much longer. Not only does he exhibit the strongest screen presence, but had his character's evil motives been explained, then he would have been fantastic. I give him credit regardless, but he does his show and then leaves.
What an ending 'Turistas' has. I shan't give it away, but let's just say the audience may have a good laugh at it. Critics would usually have an easy time marking it as preposterous and downright awful, but as I watched those final frames, I wondered how much of director John Stockwell's tongue was in his cheek. This is a film dedicated to some blood and lots of nudity, no doubt - but I question whether this was meant to be camp. As a horror film, it doesn't scare, and as a thriller, it never takes a grip on the audience. Predictability has become an impetus for many faithful moviegoers, and movies like 'Turistas' shouldn't be any sort of surprise experience. Visually, the film has a rustic tint to it, employing many on-location Brazilian landscapes to its benefit. There's a distinct contrast between the grisly nature of Dr. Zamora and the roaring waterfalls of the jungles. It's appreciated, but the moments are fleeting.
Is "Turistas' translated as "tourists" or "terrible"? Hard to really tell. Please, don't waste your time, your money, your mental energy. See another movie. Read a book. Take heed from the tagline on the poster for 'Turistas': go home.
