A Review by Phil Calabro
2006, Screen Gems, Dir. Len Wiseman - Starring Kate Beckinsale, Scott Speedman, Tony Curran, Derek Jacobi, Bill Nighy, Steven Mackintosh, Shane Brolly, Brian Steele, Zita Görög, Scott McElroy, John Mann, Michael Sheen, Sophia Myles, Richard Cetrone, Mike Mukatis
In December, fellow reviewer James Berardinelli commented on 'Aeon Flux' and its general dismissal by critics: "Critics are human. We have good moods and bad moods. This can color our impression of a film." (link) I can assure all those reading that I went into 'Underworld 2' with an open mind and open eyes. But after 15 minutes passed, I could see my lids closing in patterns. The story made sense to me, the characters were broadly defined at most (I'm being generous), but there's nothing in Len Wiseman's respective followup that establishes a sense of artistic unity. Just a few minutes ago, I was having a conversation with my college roommate about the film, and I think it summarizes my opinion. 'Underworld' doesn't have to be a bad movie at all, because there is potential still pumping through the monster movie genre. But why would Wiseman film for a selective audience, only to dilute the final product with cliches, ugly visuals, and bad action? 'Underworld: Evolution' remains a cheesy and chalky presentation. Who calls a werewolf a "Lycan" anyway?
The war between the Death Dealers (better known in laymen's terms: vampires) and Lycans (again, werewolves) has continued to wage on in some odd alternate universe located in the heart of Eastern Eurasia (which doesn't make much sense geographically, but I'm describing it the best I can) where there are medieval castles and monster-seeking technologies. Regardless of when it was set, Selene the vampire (Beckinsale) from the first volume is on the run with Lycan-Vampire hybrid Michael (Speedman) since he is still wanted for killing Viktor (Nighy). But here we have another villain, the elder Marcus (Curran) who is an older vampire than the former - as well as the original werewolf (Steele) who are going to fight Selene and Michael. 'Underworld: Evolution' is a story buried in exiguous details, but the execution is so simple-minded - a nerd could easily pass this one up. There are enemies, action, and surprises - but nothing that defines it within its genre.
Kate Beckinsale may look gorgeous, but her performance (and everyone else's, for that matter) is far from interesting. She's a New Wave action heroine, a soft-spoken femme with tight clothes and snappy one-liners that can't be taken seriously. Call it whatever you like - Aeon Flux, Catwoman, and the upcoming Ultra-Violet, but the character of Selene is characterized insignificantly. Nice curves and a good ass-kicking do not make for an interesting heroine these days. What motivates Selene to do what she does? If this is known, how can her actions be justified to the audience? These aren't morals I have problem with, I just can't seem to connect with her character at all. Scott Speedman is on the road to win the Annual Mark Ruffalo Award for Miscasting in Hollywood in the First Place. Where do these actors find agents willing to subject themselves to such bad acting? And then there's Tony Curran, a personification of the Pazuzu statue from 'Exorcist', whose overacting should belong on daytime television and not on the silver screen.
I was also reading a small synopsis of the story on another website earlier today, and every other word was either "jumping" or "kicking" or "killing". It's important to mention that Wiseman allows 'Underworld 2' to thrive on bloodsport and thrills. However, this only dumbs down any potential the movie had in narrative - the action is loud, fast-paced, and aching to watch. Although it will never match the 'sensory assault' that 2004's 'Van Helsing' had laid down, 'Underworld 2' is coming close to taking the cake and eating it too. I could blink an eye and a set of bodyguards could be killed - haven't jolt surprises worn out their worth in Hollywood? Regardless, director Len has created a silly yet simple vehicle for his wife Beckinsale. Instead of filling the already void storyline with more details and drama, it remains an obnoxious fairy tale chase across the lands of Transylvania or wherever it is.
'Underworld: Evolution' isn't good. It's not horrible either, but I'm tiring of this. I understand this is January, the sleeper months of cinema, but can't the studios have some mercy on us critics? I can only see tears streaming down my eyes...first vampires killing werewolves, next week: Big Momma's House? Where is the love?
