A Gold Star for Tabatha

One can only imagine what it was like the day Tabatha, one of the stylists on Shear Genius, was born in the city of Surfers Paradise, Australia. She probably developed at an unusually fast pace and hated other children her age. Poor Tabatha probably grew up hearing her mother say the same phrase day after day: “stop making the other school children cry.” It must have been hard growing up with an ego the size of neighboring New Zealand.

Tabatha eventually left Australia and ended up in . . . New Jersey? Hm, yes, that appears to be the case (according to tvbuddy.com). Anyway, Tabatha currently owns a salon and travels all over the world as a stylist for Joico International. She had it all, but Tabatha wanted more. As mentioned before, she is a stylist on Bravo’s new reality show Shear Genius.

Now, I don’t have to preach to the choir. Tabatha is a force to be reckoned with. Tyson, that silly, silly man, tried to bring her down, but he did not succeed. Tabatha laughs in the face of danger. She doesn’t seem to experience basic emotions like compassion and fear. No. She is a diva! Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to announce that Tabatha has earned a gold star and the title of “coolest Australian on American reality television.” Here at Blog by Cosmo Marius, a gold star is reserved for all that is great in this world. Congratulations, Tabatha. You deserve this recognition and more.



Before moving on, please note that Tabatha is not deformed. I repeat, she is not deformed. I inadvertently erased one of her ears. Sorry, I'm still learning how to use photoshop. Anyway, my dearest Tabatha, there’s more. Please accept the adulation from your compatriots.


Olivia Newton-John, you must bow down to the great diva. And, yes, “she’s the one that you want.”


Hugh Jackman, you, too, must bow down . . . and feel free to take off your shirt at any time. That type of behavior is encouraged here at Blog by Cosmo Marius.


Nicole Kidman, you know the routine; please bow down . . . and maybe you can learn a thing or two from Tabatha.


Paul Hogan, please take off your hat and bow down . . . Hm, I wonder what Paul Hogan is up to these days.


I want to make it clear that no creature is exempt. Even the notorious dingo must bow down . . .


All the kangaroos that roam the great Australian continent must also bow down . . .


The adorable koala must also bow down . . . Seriously, how cute are these little guys?

Ok, I think you get the picture: I want Tabatha to win! I’ll conclude this ass kissing session with a picture of Tabatha. She’s one tough cookie, and that’s why I like her.



Give ‘em hell, Tabatha.