What Would Letitia Baldrige Do?

First, I must tell you about Letitia Baldrige. She is an American author and expert in matters of taste, etiquette, and public relations. She served as public relations director for Tiffany and Co from 1956 to 1961. She then went on to serve as Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy’s social secretary while the Kennedy’s were in the White House. I know; this woman is amazing. She actually worked at Tiffany’s while Blake Edwards was filming the phenomenal film Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Letitia even met Audrey Hepburn. How wonderful is that?

I like Letitia for several reasons. To give one example, I completely agree with her that civility and good manners can make the world a better place. Oh, and anyone who worked for Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy wins a gold star from me. I could write a whole post about that and the fabulous Jacqueline Bouvier! Ok, let’s get back on track here. The one thing that bugs me about Letitia is the fact that she was born in the 1920s and raised during a time when women were expected to conform to certain societal rules—rules that were designed to keep the average American woman in a subordinate role. Now, I’m not saying that people who were born in the early 1900s should not be trusted; I’m just saying that her perspective may reflect a system of values that is no longer necessary in contemporary society. Below is a sample of her writing, taken from Letitia’s website.

Thinking Outward - Many people think manners are irrelevant today. It's just the opposite. They have never been more necessary for a peaceful, healthy society.
Manners are not elitist or foppish. They are the way in which we interact with our fellow men and women. Much of the unhappiness, sadness and failures in the world today stem from those who go through life unaware of the importance of anyone else around them. They have no time for kindness.

Good manners result from thinking about someone else. They are a question of heart. That's it. The moment you wake in the morning or the minute you go outside the door of your home, the respect you show for the people around you, equals the quality of your manners. They are an exercise of the heart, not of money...

Again, I couldn’t agree more. The practical significance of this concept is far-reaching. Making others feel comfortable and respected can do wonders for business and life! It’s surprising how many people fail to realize the importance of good manners.

My former college roommate and I had an interesting conversation while we were both undergraduates in South Carolina. He, a true Southern gentleman, was from North Carolina. And we both agreed that some women, particularly women from the Northeast, hate for a man to hold the door open for a woman. Why is that? I’m sure Ms. Baldrige would consider that quite appropriate. My roommate even encountered a woman who became annoyed by this very gesture. Let’s just say, if looks could kill, my friend would be dead.

There are, of course, other examples, and I could go on and on about this topic. But I’ll conclude by saying that times have changed. I was raised in a family that expects all of its members to adhere to certain rules of propriety. I just can’t help but wonder if these rules are no longer necessary. And my biggest concern is that these societal rules may be doing more harm than good (e.g., subordination of women).

Click here to listen to Letitia Baldrige on the popular NPR program Wait Wait . . . Don't Tell Me!