New York For Brains: The Final Stand (Top Chef 3, Episode 6)

I’ve often compared Bravo to an academic institution. Remember when I declared Sally Hershberger the Dean of her very own School—the Hershberger School of Coolness? Why would I say such a thing, you may ask. Well, because she’s one of the coolest judges in the history of Bravo reality television. Period. What! You don’t remember? Whatever; let’s move on.

Anyway, Top Chef:Miami is one of Bravo’s most successful reality programs. And I’m still trying to figure out each participant’s place within Bravo University. We all know that Tom Colicchio belongs in Hershberger’s School of Coolness. That’s an easy one. Most of the other participants—guests and cheftestants—are also quite easy to place. However, there are two men who can’t seem to fit in. So, dear readers, join me as I try to find a home for Joey and Howie within Bravo University. For your consideration, here’s what Howie had to say about this week’s quickfire challenge.

I really like that type of a challenge. I’m a little bit more of an academic in a lot of ways. I’m a thinker. I mean, I AM a thinker.

Oh, Howie. Let’s not rush into things. I would hardly use the words academic or intellectual to describe this challenge. Come on, even a dog or Hung’s monkey can learn to distinguish between different foods. And I would never call a dog an academic. Whether or not Hung’s monkey should be awarded an advanced degree is subject to debate. Primates of any kind are quite remarkable. Some are probably smarter than you.

Ok, I admit that Howie has a way with words at the judges’ table. And it helps that he's read a few Anthony Bourdain books. But it takes more than that to be considered an academic. Now, let’s hear what Joey had to say.

You have to know your clientele . . . understand what type of food they like . . . they’re not looking for something out the box.

Ah, Joey. I have no idea what you're talking about, but I love the fact that you don’t pretend to be something you’re not. You’re a stubborn Italian guy from New York who seems to suffer from temporary hearing loss. IQF, Joey! IQF!

Well, after little deliberation. I’ve decided that these knuckle heads are not academics. There is, however, an opening in the cafeteria kitchen at Bravo University. I’m sure they’ll fit right in.

I have to say, this quickfire challenge was a lot of fun. Early in the game, Dale struggled to identify one of the food items and his reaction was priceless.



He placed his huge (flinstone-like) hands on his head and made a few cute gestures. He provided the wrong answer. Oh, and check him out wearing a black muscle shirt.



He’s such a tease. Dale, I’ve already told you that I’m trying to make things work with Brian. You know how hard it is to crack a straight guy. However, I’m willing to meet with you in private to discuss other arrangements. Call me.



My beloved Brian was so close to winning, but he wasn’t able to identify eggplant. Oh well. You’ll get them next time, tiger. Ok, I’m not going to lie; I was kind of surprised that Casey ended up winning the quickfire challenge. Yeah, I totally didn’t see that one coming.



You know, it’s easy to underestimate this lovely Texan. I used to think she lacked motivation. But Casey has somehow managed to keep herself in the game. And I think she’s the strongest of the three remaining women. One great thing about Casey is her ability to charm the pants off of any living thing. She got Lia to love her, and now Dale just can’t seem to get enough of her. How does she do it? She's like a heroine--a few hits and you're addicted. However, the big question is, can Casey win this thing?

I can’t tell you how disappointed I am with the two Saras. Sara N. is slow and clueless, while Sara M. doesn’t seem to care about anything. Actually, Sara M. did snap back at Tom at the judges’ table. I guess that should count for something. I really don’t expect much from these two. And it’s so obvious that Tom wants Sara M. out.



CJ and Tre ended up winning this elimination challenge, and they deserved it. Tre is certainly one to watch. I’m not sure about CJ; however, the guy is really likable, and he has a great sense of humor. I wish him the best. Brian is another one to watch, I think. He’s been playing it safe by sticking to what he knows best—seafood. That plan may backfire on him. Yeah, he really needs to wow the judges again soon. I have a kind of love/hate relationship with Hung. I think he’s talented, but his little diva attitude is starting to get annoying. Now, I have nothing against true divas. Hung just needs to stop telling us how great his is and start showing us. As they say, actions speak louder than words. I’m already getting tired of Howie. Both he and Sara brought out the worst in each other in this episode; not a good thing at this stage in the game. And Howie’s already on Gail’s shit list. I was rooting for him at the outset, but I’m starting to reconsider my position.

So . . . that leaves us with Joey. The judges asked him to pack his knives and go. I wasn’t at all surprised. It was his time. It’s funny how Bravo seems to reinforce some stereotypes, while breaking down others. In Shear Genius, they had two Lesbian stylists. In this season of Top Chef, the women seem to be more calm and collected, while the men are emotional and unstable. In fact, Howie and Joey provided most of the emotional instability in this episode. Yep, in Top Chef:Miami, it’s the men, not the women, who cry like babies.