Congratulations, Salma

Ah, Salma Hayek. You and I have had an interesting relationship. There were times when I thought you were a brainless little tease. Women would kill to have your looks and curvaceous body. But then you did something quite unexpected. You produced and starred in the surprisingly good film Frida. It was a labor of love for you and everyone involved, and it showed. Now, you're a successful TV producer. You managed to create a hit comedy, Ugly Betty, against all odds. I mean, who knew Americans would respond so positively to a story you borrowed from a popular Latin American novela.

A few days ago, you gave birth to a lovely girl, Valentina Paloma Pinault. Congratulations! I really love your daughter's first name, and I also love the name Paloma. However, I don't think they go well together, but that's just me. Anyway, I wish you and your significant other, François-Henri Pinault, the very best. It was rumored that he had something to do with Tom Ford's decision to leave Gucci. Someone actually reported that Mr. Pinault refused to renew my beloved Tom's contract. But don't worry, Salma; let's forget about that and move on. Actually, we can discuss that later. Anyway, I've posted a little clip of you in a commercial for Campari. You are gorgeous!