Confessions Of A Bravo Whore (Chapter 2)

Dear friends, this season of Top Chef is finally over. I can't thank you all enough for reading my blog. I appreciate your interest. Actually, I suspect only a handful of you read my blog entries; most probably stopped by just to see pictures of Lucas Gil, Riyo Mori, Tara Connor, and other beautiful people. Whatever. I don't blame you. Thanks for stopping by.

Anyway, this post is all about love (i.e, kissing major ass). Let me explain. Before February (or was it March?) of this year, my blog was like a ghost town. Every once in a while, a stranger would stop by, leave a comment or two, and then rush off to other uncharted areas of the blogosophere. I was like the Yanomami of Brazil, confined to my little piece of territory on the outskirts of the known blog universe. Ah, those were the days. I was so young and naive.

Over the past few months, I became a somewhat successful Bravo blogger. And by somewhat successful I mean that I currently dwell at the bottom of the Bravo hierarchy, which is fine with me. And now, it's time to thank a group of wonderful people for their support and generosity. Laz of Lazarus West and Ms. Place of Dishin' Dat have been regulars here at Blog By Cosmo Marius. As soon as they started commenting on my blog, other bloggers followed. So . . . thanks, Laz and Ms. Place, for your support. I'd also like to thank Damselfly and Calady of Blogging Top Chef and Bravissimo for including me in their Monday Morning Mixer. Ladies, you are wonderful and kind. It was a pleasure being part of your little Top Chef family. Allison over at Reality on Bravo has always been very kind. So, thanks, Alison. Oh, and I almost had a heart attack when Miss Xaxa and Charlus added me to their blog roll on Amuse-Biatch. That was such a pleasant surprise. I can't thank them enough for their kindness. And, of course, I have to thank the following bloggers: Jinxy, CB, Eric 3000, GayProf, KillerVirgo, and Linda Merrill. All of you rock!

Yes, my friends, we've been through a lot together. We've had some good times (Shear Genius, Workout, and Flipping Out, to name a few), but we've also seen the negative side of Bravo reality television (e.g., the lack of female talent). That's life, I guess. We'll have to move on and hope that things will improve. Now that Top Chef is over, things are starting to change in Bravo Land. Bravo bloggers are getting ready for the return of the queen of all Bravo Reality Shows--Project Runway. Banners are being updated as I type this. Gay boys all across this nation are creating new blogs with hopes of being the next Tom and Lorenzo. And there's a great sense of excitement building up across the blogosphere. All is right in Bravo Land.

Meme Fun

So . . . my dearest readers, would you like to know a little bit more about me? Shall I tell you about my love/hate relationship with the Spice Girls? Or maybe I should describe the day I became fascinated with JLo. It's a wonderful story. Wait, did you just say, "Marius, we don't give a crap about your personal life. Please just post pictures of various Bravo reality stars. That's all you're really good for"?

Well, tough luck! You're going to learn more about me whether you like it or not. Yes, I was tagged by the fabulous Ms. Place. And here are my responses to the following questions.

Four jobs I have had or currently have in my life:
1. Office Clerk (I worked for a very nice attorney as an undergrad)
2. Grocery Store Cashier (My boss was such a jerk)
3. Restaurant Assistant Manager (I was mostly in charge of the wait staff)
4. Graduate Research Assistant/laboratory manager (I’m currently a graduate student, and I run a Neuroscience research lab for a senior Scientist at a major University)

Four countries I have been to:
1. Canada
2. Mexico
3. United Kingdom (Next year!)
4. Netherlands (Next year!)
Note: I’m just as bad as George W. Bush. I know; very sad.

Four places I’d rather be right now:
1. New York City
2. San Francisco
3. Paris
4. London

Four foods I like to eat:
1. Beef Stew (My grandmother makes the best beef stew)
2. Chicken Mole with Spanish Rice (there are different types of sauces; I prefer black mole)
3, Italian Food (A good friend of mine from Sicily makes a Bucatini pasta in broth dish that’s just so delicious. She refuses to share the recipe, it’s been in her family for generations)
4. New England Clam chowder

Four people that I would like to tag:
1. Adam
2. Allison
3. Jinxy
4. Frogboots

What Would Letitia Baldrige Do?

First, I must tell you about Letitia Baldrige. She is an American author and expert in matters of taste, etiquette, and public relations. She served as public relations director for Tiffany and Co from 1956 to 1961. She then went on to serve as Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy’s social secretary while the Kennedy’s were in the White House. I know; this woman is amazing. She actually worked at Tiffany’s while Blake Edwards was filming the phenomenal film Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Letitia even met Audrey Hepburn. How wonderful is that?

I like Letitia for several reasons. To give one example, I completely agree with her that civility and good manners can make the world a better place. Oh, and anyone who worked for Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy wins a gold star from me. I could write a whole post about that and the fabulous Jacqueline Bouvier! Ok, let’s get back on track here. The one thing that bugs me about Letitia is the fact that she was born in the 1920s and raised during a time when women were expected to conform to certain societal rules—rules that were designed to keep the average American woman in a subordinate role. Now, I’m not saying that people who were born in the early 1900s should not be trusted; I’m just saying that her perspective may reflect a system of values that is no longer necessary in contemporary society. Below is a sample of her writing, taken from Letitia’s website.

Thinking Outward - Many people think manners are irrelevant today. It's just the opposite. They have never been more necessary for a peaceful, healthy society.
Manners are not elitist or foppish. They are the way in which we interact with our fellow men and women. Much of the unhappiness, sadness and failures in the world today stem from those who go through life unaware of the importance of anyone else around them. They have no time for kindness.

Good manners result from thinking about someone else. They are a question of heart. That's it. The moment you wake in the morning or the minute you go outside the door of your home, the respect you show for the people around you, equals the quality of your manners. They are an exercise of the heart, not of money...

Again, I couldn’t agree more. The practical significance of this concept is far-reaching. Making others feel comfortable and respected can do wonders for business and life! It’s surprising how many people fail to realize the importance of good manners.

My former college roommate and I had an interesting conversation while we were both undergraduates in South Carolina. He, a true Southern gentleman, was from North Carolina. And we both agreed that some women, particularly women from the Northeast, hate for a man to hold the door open for a woman. Why is that? I’m sure Ms. Baldrige would consider that quite appropriate. My roommate even encountered a woman who became annoyed by this very gesture. Let’s just say, if looks could kill, my friend would be dead.

There are, of course, other examples, and I could go on and on about this topic. But I’ll conclude by saying that times have changed. I was raised in a family that expects all of its members to adhere to certain rules of propriety. I just can’t help but wonder if these rules are no longer necessary. And my biggest concern is that these societal rules may be doing more harm than good (e.g., subordination of women).

Click here to listen to Letitia Baldrige on the popular NPR program Wait Wait . . . Don't Tell Me!

Europa Europa

When I first learned of Emma’s blog-a-thon, I immediately thought of Sir Ian McKellen’s performance in the wonderful film Gods and Monsters, my favorite “gay” film of all time. Actually, it’s one of my favorite films of all time. Period. Emma had challenged us to write about a life changing performance. But, the more I thought about it, the more it became clear to me that this particular performance (and film) did not change my life in a drastic way. Let me explain. I was in my early 20s when I saw this film for the first time. And I was moved by it; it was a great cinematic experience. However, at that age and still today, it took a collection of things—movies, songs, books, and so on—to change my life in any meaningful way. A single movie just doesn’t seem to do the trick anymore.



My life wasn’t always that way. In fact, I saw a film in the early 90s that changed my life in a major way. That film was Europa Europa. This and other films (e.g., anything by Almodovar) made me fall in love with foreign cinema, and that’s why I’ve decided to write about this particular film. Thus, the performance that changed my life—my viewing habits, to be exact—was Marco Hofschneider’s portrayal of Solomon Perel (Solly) in Europa Europa.



As mentioned before, I first saw Europa Europa in the early 90s; I loved it without question. I saw it again last year, and I still enjoyed it immensely. However, the film is not perfect; of course, the flaws that seem so salient now meant little to me a decade ago. Marco Hofschneider’s Solly was born into a typical Jewish family and lived in Germany during the late 1930s and early 1940s, a tumultuous time for Europe. Solly was an adolescent when his family was forced to flee Germany after his sister’s death at the hands of an anti-Semitic mob at the outset of World War II. His family relocated to Poland.



However, Solly's stay in Poland was short lived, as Hitler’s forces invaded Poland in 1939. Solly’s parents decided to stay behind but encouraged their two sons to run far, far away. After much hesitation, Solly and his brother obeyed. During a frantic attempt to board one of several ships that could take them to a safer area, the brothers inadvertently boarded different ships and were separated. They called out to each other, but, sadly, they would not see each other again for years.

Solly ended up in a Russian orphanage and joined a youth organization that promoted communist ideals. He even became fluent in Russian. I should point out that, after seeing this film as a kid, I thought I was a communist for several months. It was a phase. Anyway, Solly was taught to reject religion and the exploitation of the lower classes. At one point he gave the following speech to his peers,

The bourgeois keep the people in ignorance . . . encourage religious superstitions, and with the help of the popes, priests, and rabbis, they smother all revolutionary instinct . . . we call religion the opium of the masses

Then, after two years in Russia, Solly’s life was again turned upside down by the Germans. He was forced to flee the orphanage with his peers and instructors. As before, he was left behind by unfortunate circumstances. He was arrested by German soldiers, but, luckily, he managed to fool them into thinking he was a German boy forced to live in a Russian orphanage. He spoke German perfectly, and he easily befriended the German soldiers



He would spend years pretending to be a German adolescent. And he was eventually sent to Germany, where he was enrolled in one of Hitler’s Youth Schools, surrounded by people who hated all Jews. Things went from bad to worse. He was unable to make love to his girlfriend Leni (Julie Delpy), out of fear of being discovered. One look at his circumcised penis and that would be the end of poor Solly. At one point in the movie, Solly even tried tying his foreskin, to prevent it from slipping back. It was a very painful experience, but his attempt was not successful. Fortunately, he was eventually able to escape. He was reunited with his brother and they made their way to Israel.

This film motivated me to see other foreign films. In fact, at one point in the 90s, I foolishly told my friends that I would only see International films from that point forward. Almodovar! Bunuel! Fellini! And others, of course! Ah, I was very impressionable at that age.

Marco Hofschneider gave a solid performance that truly moved me. The film was based on the real life of Solomon Perel. Marco’s portrayal of Solly really affected me in a way that’s very difficult to articulate. Solly was forced to pretend to be something he wasn’t. He was forced to listen to lectures and read literature that praised the Nordic phenotype and belittled Jewish people and culture—his heritage.

Although I’ve never experienced anything like what the real life Solomon Perel had to endure, I connected with Hofschneider’s Solly. As a gay person, I spent many years pretending to be something I wasn’t. Even after I came to terms with my sexuality, I remained in the closet for many years. I was silent as the people around me made hateful comments about gays.

The great thing about Solomon’s story is that he survived; he somehow managed to overcome all that hardship and psychological stress. More importantly, his experience made him stronger. He was a fighter. I think I’m a lot like Solly. I grew up in a conservative community in Texas. But, just like Solly and many gay men and women around the world, I'm a fighter.

Who Wants To Be Normal Anyway?

Inspired by GayProf, my original idea was to blog about Gay Pride and what it means to me. Well, I’ve decided to go a different direction for various reasons. First, I’m not really in a gay pride sort of mood. I live in North Florida, and there isn’t much of a gay community in the All-American city I currently call home, which means that there isn’t going to be a pride parade any time soon. There are, however, a few events at local bars and clubs, which is nice, but these events are nothing out of this world. Also, I’m not the most outgoing person on the planet; I’m actually quite reserved.

So, instead of writing about gay pride, I’d like to write about a topic that has always been on my mind since I accepted myself as a gay man: the idea of homosexuality as an abnormal condition. Before the 1970s, the American Psychiatric Association (APA) classified homosexuality as a mental disorder. Fortunately, in 1973, the APA changed its position on homosexuality, declaring that homosexuality was no longer to be considered deviant behavior.

Many scientists, writers, and activists contributed, both directly and indirectly, to this momentous event. Alfred Kinsey provided data showing the full spectrum of sexual behavior. Yep, homosexuality was alive and well in the 40s and 50s. His findings were very controversial at that moment in time, and I suspect many Americans would still be surprised today by what he reported. Psychologist Evelyn Hooker interviewed many gay men and suggested that homosexuality was not pathological. And there are many more examples.

The most compelling event, I think, took place at the APA annual meeting in Dallas, TX in 1972. A doctor by the name of John Fryer, wearing a face mask, addressed the APA membership. He discussed candidly the difficulties he faced as a gay doctor in a discipline that considered homosexuality to be a mental disorder. I’m sure many APA members were moved by Fryer’s story. And the rest, as they say, is history. As mentioned before, the APA modified its stance on homosexuality.



I had a heated discussion with a close gay friend about what this all means. My friend believes that homosexuality is a natural state and romantic love between members of the same sex is completely normal. Now, let me just say that I’ve always considered myself a very objective person. So, of course, I disagreed with him. I wasn’t sure what he meant by natural. If, by natural, he meant that homosexuality is a product of nervous system function, then I’d agree that homosexuality is natural. His use of the word normal also bothered me. Again, if normal refers to homosexuality as a product of nervous system function, then, again, I’d agree with him. However, when most people talk about homosexuality, they’re probably talking about the social aspects of behavior. And, from that perspective, homosexuality is clearly not normal behavior.

The idea that homosexuality is abnormal may sound quite unappealing, but, from a macro (societal) perspective, it’s kind of true. Heterosexuality is the norm; that’s just the way it is. Now, please know that I’m more than secure with my sexuality and identity as a homosexual. So, I’m not saying that homosexuality should be considered a mental disorder. Fortunately, the APA rejected that idea in the 70s. I’m just saying that being different (abnormal?) is a reality that most of us, gay or straight, have to live with on a daily basis. Even straight people struggle to conform to societal rules, real or imagined.

Being different is both a blessing and a curse. Rejection and contempt are always hard to deal with, but, for the most part, I feel very fortunate to be a gay man. My (abnormal) condition has allowed me to experience empathy for other human beings. My condition has enabled me to view the world from a very unique perspective that few will ever know. My condition has fueled my intellectual curiosity and passion for neuroscience and behavioral science research. And the list goes on.

Yes, I’m more than happy with being different—abnormal. I think I’ve benefited greatly from being gay. However, it should be noted that most of us, gay or straight, are different from the average person in many ways—race, ethnicity, religion, and so on. And these differences make me question the notion of normalcy. Anyway, this post focuses too much on the differences, but, of course, I have a lot in common with the average straight person, a fact that shouldn’t be neglected. Honestly, it's just hard being a human being. Period. I’ll save those comments for another post.

Time Out

Dear friends,

I need a break. I spent all morning working on a project for my boss, and I spent most of the afternoon running errands and preparing for a business trip. I even missed this episode of Top Chef. Can you believe it? Yeah, that sucks. Anyway, I have to go the airport in a few hours. I'll be attending a conference in California for about 5 days. Fortunately, I have a DVR on my home computer; I was able to record Top Chef and I'll watch it some time next week.

Ok, I need to stop typing and continue packing. I shall return next week. I look forward to reading all of your blog entries when I get back.

Happy International Weblogger’s Day

So, one of my coworkers is driving me nuts. She’s a nice person and I can tolerate her most of the time, but she’s one of the laziest individuals I’ve ever met. Seriously, this girl doesn’t know the meaning of the word motivation. It’s a miracle she shows up to work fully clothed. Yeah, I had a terrible day at work. As Jinxy would say, I need a drink!

Anyway, enough of that. It’s time to celebrate International Weblogger’s Day! Yay! Yes, I was tagged by a lovely gal named Allison who maintains an awesome blog called Reality on Bravo. Stop by her site and show some love. She deserves it. Seriously, you can always count on Allison to do the dirty work for you. She posts all kinds of stuff about Bravo (e.g., recaps, pictures, and news). She knows it all.

So, I’m supposed to list five reasons I love to blog, and they are as follows:

1. I’m addicted to Bravo reality television. Yes, it’s true. It’s both a blessing and a curse. I watch Bravo TV whenever possible. My all-time favorite Bravo reality TV episode is the Project Runway Season 1 finale. Seriously, I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve seen that sucker. Crazy! I just love sharing my thoughts about my favorite Bravo reality shows. And blogging lets me do just that.

2. I blog to keep in touch with family and friends. Actually, my mother, brothers, and some members of my extended family used to read my blog. Then, at some point, they just stopped. Ouch, that really hurts. Whatever. Apparently, they’ve got better things to do. Fortunately, I still have friends who read my blog. And, of course, I have to give credit to the person who inspired me to start blogging in the first place, and his name is Killervirgo. He’s a very good friend of mine—we met in Buffalo, NY and were college buddies back in the day (like 5 years ago?). Good times! Thanks for supporting my blog, Killervirgo. You rock! To my family, thanks for nothing. You’re so lucky I believe in unconditional love.

3. I blog because I’m a gay guy with something to say. Yeah, as a member of an often misunderstood minority group, I sometimes feel the need to share my thoughts and experiences with the world. And this blog has given me the opportunity to do that. I’ve also had the pleasure of reading other blogs that are maintained/written by gay men and women. It’s great to be in such good company.

4. I blog because it’s a great way to learn from others. Yeah, I love receiving feedback from other people. Everyone has their own unique perspective, and I try my very best to understand where people are coming from, so to speak. You’d be surprised; sometimes, one person’s comment can actually change my opinion about a topic. So, when people talk, I do listen. Well, that’s not entirely true; I usually ignore my annoying coworker, but I promise to listen to my readers and fellow bloggers.

5. I blog because it’s FUN! Yep, blogging about reality television and various aspects of pop culture is just plain fun! And that’s why I do this.

I apologize for posting this really late. Seriously, it’ll cease to be International Weblogger’s Day in less than an hour. Anyway, I’d like to thank Allison for thinking of me. So, now I have to tag five other bloggers. I know it’s too late to do this, but I’m going to do it anyway. I wish I could tag everyone one on my “It” list, but I can’t. So, I’d like to recognize the following blogs: And, You Are?, Dishin’ Dat, Damsel in Progress, Center of Gravitas, and Electronic Cerebrectomy. . . wait, I’d also like to recognize Jinxy, My New Plaid Pants, and Lazarus West (he was already tagged by Allison, but I have to recognize the great Laz). Anyway, I encourage all of my readers—all 5 or 6 of you—to visit these blogs. You can thank me later.

Childhood Memories and Great Movies

Nathaniel, I accept your blogging challenge. First, let me point out that I’m not a film critic (obviously). I do, however, enjoy good movies, particularly films that make you think. Anyway, here are a few films that I truly enjoyed as a child and adolescent.


Jaws (1975)
This Spielberg film is a masterpiece. I enjoyed every minute of it. I actually saw this film in the 80s. I had no negative comments about it at the time, which is interesting because I’m a pretty judgmental person; well, not all the time, but I have my moments. Of course, I was a young kid who hadn’t really thought much about films. That would change in the 90s.


Carrie (1976)
I was blown away. De Palma is a gifted director. It didn’t feel like a horror film, it was just a great movie that I enjoyed immensely. High school can be such a drag sometimes, and I remember empathizing with Carrie from the start. There was another thing that I got from this movie—we’re all special in some way. Carrie had telekinetic powers; unfortunately, many people were hurt in the end. As they say, payback is a bitch. Sissy Spacek was amazing.

Superman (1978)
Christopher Reeve was such a handsome man. My family and I enjoyed this film so much. Also, Margot Kidder will forever be Lois Lane in my book. She rocked! My favorite line in the movie was; “you’ve got me; who’s got you?” Oh, that really takes me back.

Dawn of the Dead (1979)
I also saw this film some time in the 80s. And for some strange reason, I fell in love with zombies. Of course, not all zombie movies are great, but the idea is quite powerful. These films feed on our basic fear of the unknown, disease, predators, blood, guts, the undead, and so on. It’s scary to think that there are zombie-like diseases in the animal kingdom. So, these films are far fetched but not beyond the realm of possibility.

Nine to Five (1980)
I think I saw this film for the first time in the late 80s. Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, and Dolly Parton! What a great cast. This was such a fun movie to watch. This film was kind of educational for me. Seriously! I remember being appalled by management’s lack of consideration. I was so happy when the girls took over the company. Corporate America can suck, but this film offered hope.


Excalibur (1981)
Yeah, I’m a bit of an anglophile. I just thought this film was enchanting and beautiful. I can’t remember how old I was when I first saw it, but I enjoyed it!

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
I loved this film. Harrison Ford was the perfect Indiana Jones. I remember feeling so excited after watching this film. I think I wanted to be an archaeologist after watching this film. Well, I didn’t become an archaeologist/adventurer, but I love how some films can inspire you to think big.


E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
Spielberg did it again. This is also a magnificent film. I just loved the fact that everyone around the world had seen it. And how cute was Drew? Anyway, I loved it. I should watch it again some time.

The Secret of NIMH (1982)
What an amazing animated film. I just loved the whole idea: lab rats escape and create an impressive community. They borrow electricity from a local farmer and lead extraordinary lives. My favorite animated feature of all time.

Tootsie (1982)
I remember my mother just loved this film. Of course, I watched the film a second time in the 90s, and just fell in love with it all over again. Jessica Lange’s performance was unforgettable. Who wouldn’t fall in love Lange’s Julie Nichols?

Karate Kid (1984)
This film made me feel like I could take on the world. I actually took karate lessons after watching it. I wasn’t a total disaster, but I’m no Daniel LaRusso. Also, this film had everyone at my school uttering the same phrase over and over again: “Wax on, wax off.” Pat Morita is the man!

Howard the Duck (1986)
This wasn’t one of my favorite movies. I thought Lea Thompson was cute, and the movie was entertaining, but that’s about it. The reason I’ve decided to include this film is because it really got under my skin. For some reason, I found it somewhat disturbing. Yeah, the thought of a big duck having sex with a human (the lovely Lea) was too much for me. It still kind of creeps me out.

The Brave Little Toaster (1987)
Yes, I loved The Brave Little Toaster. It’s true. I saw this animated film on the Disney Channel. Old, forgotten appliances venture into the unknown to find their beloved owner. It kind of made me appreciate the things I grew up with—my old teddy bear, for example. It was just great animated film.


Dirty Dancing (1987)
“Nobody puts baby in a corner.” How many times have we heard that one? Yeah, I loved this film. I remember my mother used to love the soundtrack, as did I. Patrick was so hot in this movie. Great memories!


Beetle Juice (1988)
Fun, fun, fun! Yeah, I also enjoyed every minute of this movie. Michael Keaton was hilarious. Of course, the real star was Tim Burton. He’s so talented. I love his dark imagination and sense of humor.

Heathers (1989)
Yes! Winona Ryder rocked in this film. This was a very cool movie that I enjoyed from start to finish. My favorite line was: “My son's a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son.” Acceptance is such a beautiful thing.

Ghost (1990)
I don’t believe in ghosts, but I sure did enjoy this film. It had everything: suspense, humor, sensuality, and so much more. Whoopi delivered a fine performance.

Ok, I could go on and on, but I need to stop typing at some point. So, I’ll conclude this post by summarizing my thoughts. Actually, I should first point out that not all of these were summer films. However, they all left a lasting impression on my boyish and adolescent brain. The funny thing is, as a kid, I never questioned why I liked a film. It was such a natural, uncomplicated process. Now, as an “adult,” I find myself scrutinizing almost every aspect of a film. I miss the days when I just trusted my instincts. I totally agree with Nathaniel’s statement, “it's those years as a kid that inform movie love as an adult.” Interestingly, even now, there are moments when I can’t quite articulate why I like (or dislike) a certain film. These moments can be quite refreshing because they force you trust yourself without question. It's like you're a kid all over again.

The Idea of Touch and Group Dynamics

I attended a friend’s art exhibition last night and was pleased to see many familiar faces. My friend, a young artist, greeted me at the door of the art gallery; he was visibly excited and anxious. Who wouldn’t be? After engaging in a little small talk for 20 minutes or so, I walked into the gallery to enjoy the fruits of his labor.

Large Jar
Korean Yi Dynasty (17th Century)

For most people, deciding what is beautiful or artistic happens in a matter of milliseconds after seeing some object; seriously, it’s almost an automatic response. We often find if difficult to articulate why we like or loathe something. Experiencing art is, of course, a very subjective thing. Our perception of objects (or ideas) is influenced by past experience and present motivational state.

My friend was exploring the idea of art that could stimulate (the senses and mind), without actually coming into contact with the body’s sensory structures. For example, some pieces seemed to resemble chewing gum and similar objects; I guess the observer was supposed to imagine how the object would feel in his or her mouth. Other objects were created to stimulate our touch receptors—or, the idea of touch, as we couldn’t actually physically touch the objects. His use of rich textures and familiar fabrics was very effective.

After the exhibition, a group of us wined and dined at a nice little restaurant that wasn’t too far from the gallery. It was an interesting mix of people. After dinner, we headed to an “upscale” bar. Most of us were academics, artists, musicians, and writers. Actually, there was only one writer, a young woman from California. Gay men were very well represented. As I enjoyed the company of my friends, acquaintances, and a few new people, I noticed a few things.

First, my friends and I have been through this whole routine many times before. Most of us are in our late twenties and early thirties, but there are a few people who are in their late thirties. We attend these types of events on a regular basis—various art shows, music recitals and concerts, and so on. In fact, I’m a member of a choral group. We perform about three times a year (yes, I have to wear a tux), and my friends are always there to support me and the chorus. It’s interesting that my friends and I have become very accustomed to this sort of thing. We seem to follow a similar script every time. We’ve become somewhat predictable, and the conversations are usually the same.

Thank goodness for young blood, those new individuals eager to become a part of our group. To be honest, we aren’t a perfect cohesive group. We’re more like a collection of like-minded people. Friendships seem to develop almost over night, and they die just as quickly. And there are times when I only hang out with a select few. I'm a reserved person. Some of the new people are younger. The exciting part is learning more about them and trying to establish some common ground. But there is no question that they are entering our world and must adapt to our particular rules and idiosyncrasies. Their ass kissing skills are quite impressive. It’s fun to watch them perform.

One of the newbies, a 24-year-old Latin guy, approached me at the bar. He told me about his life is Miami and a recent trip to Europe. He made a few silly comments, and I laughed when appropriate. I’m a good listener. As he talked, one thing came to mind: I wondered what it would be like to touch his body—his neck, a bicep, lips. Yes, the idea of touch can be very stimulating. The fun eventually came to an end; we hugged, exchanged numbers, and went our separate ways. God, I love Latin men.

Please Note . . .

I'm changing the look and layout of this blog, as it was in desperate need of a makeover. Links will be restored and updated within the next few days. Thanks for your interest.

What Makes a Winner?

A few weeks ago, Japanese figure skater Miki Ando won Gold at the World Figure Skating Championships. The defending world champion, American Kimmie Meissner, finished a disappointing fourth. The amazing Sasha Cohen was noticeably absent.



Expectations were high for Sasha last year at the 2006 Olympic Winter Games. She was the favorite, but she faced some tough competition from Irinia Slutskaya, a very talented Russian skater. I saw Sasha perform for the first time in 2001. She took my breath away. She skated with such elegance and maturity that seemed to belie her young age.



Throughout the years leading up to the 2006 Olympic Winter Games, Sasha blossomed into a phenomenal skater. She started 2006 with a bang by winning gold at the State Farm U.S. Figure Skating Championships.



Many, including me, thought she was unstoppable. However, she was vulnerable. Commentators kept on referring to Sasha’s inconsistent record. There were times when she just couldn’t deliver.

Sasha, like Michelle Kwan before her, left Torino without the gold medal. It’s not clear whether Sasha will compete in the next Olympic Winter Games (in 2010?). That would make me very happy, but I guess we’ll have to wait to find out.



Most of us have experienced defeat at one time or another; it’s an unavoidable part of life. Usually, a friend or relative will utter the all too common phrase “winning isn’t everything.” Those words are comforting. In our culture, receiving the top prize or a perfect score is highly desirable. And some people are driven by a need to be number one; some will do whatever it takes to achieve this, irrespective of the costs. In a perfect world, the best person comes out on top. At the outset of a competition, we often hear people say, “may the best man win.” That doesn’t always occur. Lady luck was not on Sasha’s side that day in Torino. Her athletic ability betrayed her, and that was her downfall.

Although Sasha didn’t win the gold, she did walk away with silver and a great short program skate. I remember sitting at the edge of my seat during her short program. What a spiral sequence, her signature move. What grace. She was spectacular. At the end of her performance, Dick Button was exuberant. It was such a great feeling watching her deliver a magnificent performance. She may not have won the gold medal, but she did win the respect and admiration of her peers and many viewers. Fortunately, most of us have experienced great moments of success. We may not always win some fancy trophy or pretentious title, but we often take for granted those other days—when we earn someone’s admiration, affection, or respect. And isn’t that really what winning is all about?

Six Feet Under: The Last Episode

I love watching reruns of Six Feet Under on Bravo. Last night’s episode was really depressing. Ruth and David were both dealing with Nate’s death. Ruth was particularly upset about not being able to keep Maya. Frances Conroy, who plays Ruth, does a wonderful job of bringing this character to life. Ruth is my favorite member of the Fisher family.



I think Lauren Ambrose is amazing as Claire Fisher, but I’ve always been ambivalent about the character. I admired Claire’s rebellious impulses but never quite liked how unreasonable she could be. Last night I saw a different Claire, a more mature young woman. What a great way to end a show. Watching her drive away from the Fisher house was very emotional. And as she drove down the freeway, we saw glimpses of the future—of her family members dying. Death, after all, was a major part of the show, and it reminds us that death is a reality we all have to face sooner or later. However, before that times comes, I plan to enjoy life to the fullest and love as passionately as possible, just like Claire Fisher.

Masculinity is a Beautiful Thing

I remember watching Psycho for the first time in the early 90’s. I loved it! Hitchcock really was (and still is) the master of suspense. He also knew that the camera loves certain people more than others. And he seemed to have a good eye for that sort of thing. John Gavin is a case in point. Hitchcock used to refer to Gavin as “the stiff,” apparently, Gavin wasn’t the greatest actor. He was, however, a very attractive man. As I watched him on the screen with Janet Leigh, I remember having two thoughts circling in my head—I wanted him and I wanted to be (like) him.


Janet Leigh & John Gavin

I had a similar feeling watching George Peppard in Breakfast at Tiffany's. He was a much better actor than John Gavin, and I was immediately attracted to George for more than one reason. In addition to being handsome, he was a class act. He’s the type of man you take home to mother.


George Peppard

And then there’s the Spaniard Francisco Rabal. Yes, I saved the best for last. Rabal’s performance in Luis Bunuel’s film Viridiana was powerful; he was a truly gifted actor. Rabal was tall, dark, and handsome, a very trite phrase that’s often used to describe attractive Mediterranean men. But Rabal was much more than that; he brought a level of intensity to his character that one rarely sees on screen anymore. His virility was unforgettable. Gosh, I need to take a cold shower.


Francisco Rabal

Music and gay parenting

Mondays are pretty routine for me and usually uneventful. After work, I join about 150 singers (and wannabe singers) and we spend about 2 hours singing wonderful (and not so wonderful) choral music. I’m a tenor, and, fortunately, my section is one of the best this year. Our choral director usually has two nervous breakdowns a month. His biggest challenge is getting a bunch of Southern women to lose their Southern drawl, at least temporarily. Articulation and vowel shape are important in Choral singing. I love when he says, “When you sing, I want you to pretend you’re a snooty European. Don’t sing like Dolly Parton. I repeat; don’t sing like Dolly.” It cracks me up every time.

Mathew St. Patrick & Michael C. Hall

After choir practice, I love to just relax at home, check my email (repeatedly), and watch a rerun of Six Feet Under on Bravo. I’ll just repeat what others have said about this show since the beginning. It’s phenomenal—great actors, great writing, and the list goes on. The show’s writer/creator Alan Ball has a dark sense of humor that is wonderful.

In recent episodes, Keith and David both decided they want children. They were debating whether to adopt (David’s idea) or hire a surrogate mother (Keith’s idea). This debate hits close to home because I’ve been thinking about the same thing. Honestly, I should first find a partner before I consider having kids. Let’s just say I’m looking for Mr. Right. Wish me luck. This issue raises too many questions to list here; so I’ll attempt to address a few.

Question #1: Are gay parents capable of providing adequate parental care? Well, according to one study, children of gay parents fare just as well as children of Breeders. A homosexual orientation doesn’t preclude the expression of nurturing behavior.

Question #2: Are gay men even capable of nurturing a child? It’s clear that most gay parents are lesbians. That makes sense for so many reasons. The number of gay men who are parents is probably much lower. My biggest concern is that men (gay or straight) just don’t have the neural circuitry that is needed to (properly) care for a child (or anyone for that matter). Seriously, where would we be without women? One could argue that gay men have feminized brains; sure, there is research to support that, but, in some ways, gay men are a lot like straight men. Let’s not kid ourselves boys; the average man (gay or straight) is more promiscuous than the average woman. I guess there’s no way to really answer this question. I think we should all just turn into birds. The vast majority of bird species are monogamous; well, some argue that they’re not truly monogamous, but I won’t bore you with the details.

Monogamous birds are so cute

So, I really do want to be father some day. I don’t know if I’m capable of providing the same type of parental care only a mother can provide. I know my brain is at least partially feminized—I watch Bravo and love Madonna, for crying out loud. I guess that’s a good start.

V for Virus

I spent the last few weeks recovering from a viral infection. I’m doing much better now, but the experience has certainly changed my outlook on life. I won't bore you with the all the details. Let's just say I felt powerless during the worst part of the infection. I was always tired; I couldn’t concentrate; and my body didn’t appreciate that I tried to feed it ribs and Mexican food. My doctor said that my immune system could have been compromised by stress. At first, I thought that was nonsense because I’ve never had trouble dealing with stress. However, the weeks leading up to my illness were very stressful. So, there may be some truth to what the doctor said. I’ve learned a valuable lesson: when my body needs a break, I better listen.

On the other hand, it sucks that my body doesn’t listen to me. For example, I wish my body would stop storing excess calories as fat. I’ve told my body numerous times to just let those extra calories get excreted as waste (I know that sounds gross, but I’d rather have that happen than have to run who knows how many miles to burn off excess calories). It’s not that I’m a lazy person; I just don’t have the time to be spending hours at the gym. Anyway, I guess that’s life, and I’ll just have to deal with it.

Reminder: don’t forget to watch Demitri Martin’s special on comedy central; it airs on Sunday at 10 PM.