Finally!

I can't tell you how glad I am that Tiffani won the Top Chef Holiday Special challenge. Finally, a woman wins something on Top Chef. As you know, dear friends, I have been quite vocal about the lack of female talent on Bravo reality television. Tiffani's victory has temporarily placated my uneasiness with Bravo and society at large. I'll save my bitching for another post. Now, let's celebrate Tiffani. She rocked!

Black Friday, Rachel Ray, And Anthony Bourdain

I woke up quite early on Black Friday. It was 4:30 AM or so. My brain was barely functioning, but I still managed to drive my car to various shopping areas. Best Buy was packed, so I drove to some other locations. I eventually made my way to Kohls. And, once inside the store, I rushed to the kitchen and dinning area. Of course!

I walked around, looking at various items of interest, when out of nowhere something obscene hit my poor, unsuspecting retinas. Pictures of Rachel Ray were everywhere. On cookbooks; on various products; there was no escaping this woman. It was quite annoying. Ok, I admit that I have watched her on the food network from time to time. And she’s making money and doing well in the entertainment world. Good for her. But she doesn’t deserve to be idolized as a culinary deity by the American public. Let’s reserve praise for chefs and culinary experts who deserve it.



Anyway, let’s move on. If you’re a fan of the wonderful Anthony Bourdain, then you have to listen to his discussion with the Commonwealth Club of California. Anthony never disappoints. He talked a little bit about Rachel Ray. But he mainly focused on his life, television show, and other interesting topics. Enjoy!

Bravo, Project Runway, & Crazy Women

I had an interesting conversation with a friend this morning. What did we discuss? Global warming? Trouble in the Middle East? The current mortgage crisis? The answer to all these questions is . . . no. We were talking about Project Runway. My friend was, to borrow a phrase from Michael Kors, quite underwhelmed with the first episode of PR. He was so disappointed that he suggested not watching the show on a regular basis. His words elicited a reflexive response from me—I was ready to slap the crap out of him. But I didn’t. I don’t resort to physical aggression to solve problems or resolve disputes. I’m all about peace and love and all that good stuff. Anyway, my friend is not alone. A number of people in the blogosphere found this episode a tad boring.

I understand what they’re saying, but, honestly, I think some people had unreasonable expectations. Consider the following. I dare you to approach your friendly neighborhood drug addict. Ask him or her to describe the first time they tried their favorite drug of abuse (psychostimulants are quite popular with the kids). In many cases, they’ll describe feeling immense pleasure. However, after repeated drug use, it takes even higher doses of the drug to experience the same effects, and, in many cases, the person eventually stops experiencing pleasure all together. Ok, I’m not sure that’s a good analogy. Honestly, I just wanted to use the phrase “friendly neighborhood drug addict” in this post. My point is: we’re talking about the fourth season of Project Runway, for crying out loud. Did you expect to be blown away? We’ve seen a lot of it before. The divas, the drama queens, the assholes, the nut jobs, and the list goes on. And, as the years go by, some of the designs are starting to look awfully familiar. Aren't they? Again, the novelty effect has worn off. I thought the first episode of PR4 was entertaining and predictable. But that’s ok.

Sorry, I went off on a tangent there. Ok, let’s get back to the task at hand—obsessing about Bravo reality television. Anyway, I’ve already complained about the lack of female talent on other Bravo shows; so now I’d like to say something positive about Bravo. I’ve noticed a few interesting trends in Bravo land. For starters, they sometimes select contestants who don’t conform to certain stereotypes. Exhibit A: lesbian hairdressers! Seriously, before Shear Genius, I had never thought of combing the words lesbian and hairdresser in the same sentence. Bravo managed to find two lesbians for Shear Genius 1 (my beloved Tabs and Daisy). Also, what’s with over-achieving Vietnamese Americans? Cloe (Project Runway) and Hung (Top Chef), both Vietnamese Americans, won the top prize in their respective shows. Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy for them. I really am. But the chances of two Vietnamese Americans succeeding on Bravo aren’t that high. Why not Chinese Americans, Mexican Americans, or White women? It’s just interesting. That’s all I’m saying.




Well, Bravo has done it again. They’ve managed to find another stereotype to mess with. Instead of the tired stereotypical Hispanic woman, Bravo now offers us the crazy, rebellious Hispanic woman. At first I thought Lupe was an isolated case of craziness. Of course, a handful of unstable Latinas exist in this country, but Bravo found another one. Yep, I’m talking about Elisa Jimenez. Ok, she’s not exactly like Lupe. Elisa appears capable of formulating coherent sentences; I can’t say the same for Lupe. I like Elisa. She’s the crazy, artistic type. I can dig that. However, if she’s going to play that part for the next few weeks, she’ll need to produce some great designs.



Wow, this post is getting kind of long. I know; you’ve got other things to do. So . . . I’ll stop beating around the bush. This episode wasn’t horrible. It was predictable but still entertaining. As stated in the previous post, I love Rami. Did he deserve to win? Well, that’s debatable. I think he has great taste, but his design was kind of safe and not very original. Two dresses caught my eye. The one below was designed by Chris.



I agree with Ms. Place; his dress was fierce. The man certainly has talent. Also, I noticed that a handful of gay bloggers are going crazy over Chris. Why? He seems like a nice guy, but it’s too early to tell if he’s a character to love. I’ll give him a chance. Who knows; he may win me over. Christian is turning out to be a little bitch, which isn't always a bad thing. Although I didn't like his design, I admit that he is creative and confident, but I suspect he may have trouble competing against more experienced designers. He’s a kid compared to many of the other designers.




I also liked Kit’s dress (pictured above). She may be one to watch. Of course, it really is too early to pick favorites. Now, I’m off to Pink Navy. See you there!

Let’s Talk About Hung, Women in Bravo Land, And Project Runway (Top Chef 3; Finale)

Well, it finally ended. For some, Top Chef 3 turned out to be a real bore; while others fell in love with this season’s well-behaved cast. I suspect Casey will win the fan favorite award. The lovely Texan has gained quite a following throughout the blogosphere. Now, let’s discuss the finale.



First, let me just say that I was very pleased with the finale. Bravo got it right. Rocco DiSpirito, Michelle Bernstein, and Todd English were recruited to serve as sous chefs, adding some excitement to the mix. Casey, Dale, and Hung were noticeably shocked and excited about the opportunity of working with these culinary experts. I don’t care what anyone says, I think Rocco is a cuttie.

The cheftestants were asked to create a three-course meal. The day before the actual serving, the cheftestants and their amazing sous chefs spent hours preparing for the big day. Ah, but things got interesting when Tom delivered some very bad news a few hours before show time—the chefs were asked to prepare a fourth dish. Hung didn’t seem affected by the news; he was there to win no matter what.



As the judges feasted and scrutinized each and every dish, I experienced déjà vu. Images of the Shear Genius finalists, Daisy, Ben, and Anthony, were dancing around in my mind. Like Daisy, Casey seemed unstoppable during the last few weeks of the show, but her luck ran out in the finale. What happened? Maybe soul is a finite commodity that one should use judiciously. Did Casey use it all up during the last few episodes, leading up to the finale? I have no idea. I think she just lost control of Howie and the situation. And she didn’t seem to work well under pressure. Dale once used the word miraculous to describe his team’s success during the second part of the Restaurant Wars challenge. And that word can be used to describe his impressive success on the show. He, like Ben before him, owed everything to lady luck. I acknowledge that Dale made some very impressive dishes, but his lack of consistency was, to borrow a phrase from Anthony Bourdain, his major malfunction.



When Padma called out Hung’s name, I was more than pleased. Yes, I thought to myself, Top Chef is all about the food. From the beginning, it was clear that Hung was Top Chef material. His victory just seemed fair. Of course, some Dale supporters weren’t too happy with the results, and they’d probably disagree with me. But, in all honesty, one of his dishes was a total disaster. I commend him for not holding anything back. On a positive note, he rediscovered his inner chef.



This season of Top Chef was far from perfect. With the exception of Howie and Dale, most of the cheftestants were not very entertaining. And, as we all know, that’s what drives most reality television programs. There are other issue that I won't go into here. Interestingly, Hung tried his very best to be perceived as the show’s asshole, but he failed miserably. Seriously, he was quite harmless, but he was fun to watch. I have to say that Gail and Ted were great on the show. Ted didn’t really contribute much during the finale, but I still love him. And I love Gail, too.



Ok, I know this will probably annoy the hell out of some people, but I just can’t stop thinking about the lack of female talent on this and other Bravo reality television competition shows. However, there is hope. And I’m talking about Project Runway, the greatest of all Bravo reality shows. PR’s Chloe is the only female Bravo reality show winner to date. And even though Kara and Uli didn’t win in their respective seasons, they both did a phenomenal job. So, I may bitch about the sad state of affairs for women in Bravo land, but I can’t overlook the success of female contestants on PR. And thank goodness for that. I’m really looking forward to the new season of PR.

Congratulations, Hung

Wow, the person I was rooting for actually won. That rarely happens (see Sasha Cohen). Anyway, congratulations, Hung. Your family must be so proud. And I have to say, Dale really did save the best for last. Unfortunately, Casey didn't deliver, but, as she herself pointed out, she prepared some great dishes throughout the competition and kicked ass in the last few episodes. It's a shame she couldn't deliver when it really mattered.

It's All About "Soul" (Top Chef 3; Episode 13)

Reactions to this episode of Top Chef 3 varied greatly. Some bloggers hated it, while others were ecstatic that their beloved Dale finally won his first elimination challenge and a spot in the final. More about that a little later. I found it quite funny that guest judge Eric Ripert brought up the importance of soul in this episode. In previous episodes, the chefs, particularly Dale, mentioned that Hung’s food lacked heart. I can’t help but think that the producers loved the idea and sent an email to Eric, asking him to use the word soul at least three times in this episode; and he complied. Yep, they’ve added some drama to the mix—the winner’s food has to have soul!

Now, let’s talk about everyone’s favorite swinger, Brian. At the judges’ table, when asked why they thought they should stay, Brian offered the lamest answer, the type of answer that reality television producers hate. He said,

I haven’t cooked my food, at all . . . this is our [sic] opportunity to show you what I would cook . . . I do believe my food is pretty entertaining

Actually, if his food is as entertaining and attractive as he is, then his elimination should be considered a big mistake. However, the judges didn’t buy it. Hell, I didn’t buy it. Seriously, he prepared mostly seafood dishes throughout the competition. And that’s totally his kind of food. I remember eating a rice crispy treat while watching the last few minutes of the episode, and as I chewed and enjoyed the delicious treat, I was running various scenarios in my mind. I was thinking about what it would mean to eliminate Brian, the only straight man left in the competition. Then, Padma blurted out Brian’s name without hesitation. I almost dropped my delicious treat on the floor. Why was she in such a hurry? Anyway, I like looking at Brian, but I’m not really disappointed that he was eliminated. However, this is the first time in Bravo’s history that a straight male chef will not compete in the final. I’m still not sure what to make of this realization.

It’s hard not to like Casey, the lovely gal from Texas. She made many mistakes in the beginning, but she is now one of the favorites. It could be argued that she is the one to beat. She had the following to say at the judges’ table,

I know that I’m a hard worker . . . I don’t skip a beat, and I’m a relatively young chef . . . I have so much more to show

Casey’s words were quite sober compared to Hung’s and Dale’s responses. However, unlike Brian, she wasn’t kidding when she said that she has more to show. Casey’s miraculous transformation almost seems scripted. It’s like a Cinderella story, and Casey plays the part so well. The great thing about Casey is her down-to-earth personality. She’s impressed the judges, but she always comes across as humble and surprised at her own success. Actually, I was quite surprised at her success, and I remained very suspicious of her transformation for several weeks. Now, it’s finally sinking in that Casey is a talented chef. She’s sure to win over most of the viewers, and I’m happy for her.

Of the remaining chefs, I never really took Dale seriously. Don’t get me wrong; it’s nice having him around. He has delivered some of the funniest lines this season, but he never impressed me as a chef. Well, despite what appeared to be some major obstacles, he managed to create a dish that won him the elimination challenge. Good for him. He also delivered the best response at the judges’ table. He said,

I entered this competition to find myself . . . I have been reborn. . . Now I’m a chef again

Bravo, Dale. Bravo! He is a producer’s dream reality competition contestant. I mean, come on; how do you top an unemployed gay guy who has been reborn on the set of reality television program? This is the stuff Bravo dreams are made of. Also, I love how he throws in sexual references at the judges’ table. So, it appears that I underestimated Dale. However, let’s not kid ourselves. Dale’s surprising win is due in large part to lady luck. He’s made some horrible mistakes in previous episodes, but he’s always been safe because others have sucked even more. I’m happy for Dale, but there’s no denying that he’s one lucky gay man.

Hung started off strong and has remained in the top for quite some time. Yes, he’s made some mistakes, but his talent has never been in question. He is by far my favorite chef. He had the following to say at the judges’ table,

I grew up in the kitchen . . . It’s all about soul and that’s what I talk about all day . . . I don’t see myself doing anything else in the whole world . . . it’s for the love of food

That’s interesting. I thought it was all about finesse and elegance. I guess he changed his tune after learning that the word of the day was soul. Anyway, Hung gave the producers exactly what they wanted: an easily exploitable personal story. He is an immigrant who has probably faced challenges that the other chefs could never imagine. And, now, he’s a finalist on Top Chef.

I think Dale is the weakest chef of the three remaining chefs. Casey screwed up a bit in this episode, but she was on a roll for three consecutive weeks. She has what it takes to win. Hung is the master of execution, and his dishes are usually hits—they look great and often taste just as great. However, he needs to wow the judges, they’ve already complained that his food lacks one vital ingredient—soul. Maybe he can borrow that ingredient from Casey.

Honestly, I have no idea what to expect. This season of Top Chef is just too unpredictable. Anything is possible. And I do mean anything. The one good thing about this group of chefs is their good behavior. Sure, Hung can get carried away at times, but he’s generally focused on the task at hand. Dale delivers funny lines, but that only adds color to an otherwise boring season. It’s interesting that last season we were stuck with two immature boys, Ilan and Marcel, in the final. Let’s not go there. Honestly, I’m happy for all three of the remaining chefs. This season may be less entertaining than previous seasons, but it really is all about the food. And that’s a very good thing.

Top Chef 3 - Preview Clip

The Hung and Casey Show (Top Chef 3; Episode 12)

Dear friends, for some strange reason, blogger was being a little bitch. I was unable to post anything for two days. It was horrible. Anyway, here's my TC recap.

I don’t know where to start. I could start by stating the obvious: this episode was a huge success. And thank goodness for that. Finally, the suits at Bravo got it right. Now, that doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven Bravo for taking a great idea and turning into crap (yes, I’m talking about Top Design). I’m starting to think that Bravo is just throwing reality shows at us left and right, hoping that a few will be hits. Well, Ms. Place and I have had enough. Seriously, the process seems so random. Shows about hair stylists and a psychotic house flipper turn out to be wonderful. Who knew? Oh, but then Bravo took Top Design and our beloved Tim Gunn into the realm of mediocrity. Are you even trying? Yes, you have loyal viewers, but we can only take so much.



In this episode of Top Chef, the cheftestants finally got to visit New York City, but the good times would soon be over. The quickfire challenge took place at Le Cirque. The chefs had to recreate one of the restaurant’s signature plates, a halibut dish. The owner, Sirio Maccioni, and Padma declared Hung the winner, but Sirio had other things in mind (i.e., Casey). Yes, Sirio is living proof that the elderly are not asexual beings. They want some lovin’ just like the younger members of society. Anyway, Padma and Sirio acknowledged that Casey had done an exceptional job.



The elimination challenge took place at another location—the French Culinary Institute. Seriously, when they announced that, I almost fell off my chair. I was so used to ghetto top chef. You know what I’m talking about, the lame guests (e.g.., Madonna’s brother) and boring locations. This time, Bravo relied on the best resource any foodie and restaurateur cannot do without—culinary experts and educators. The professors at the FCI have passed on their precious knowledge to generations of chefs. The participation of these fine folks lifted the show to a whole new level. Please, Bravo, we want more episodes like this. In fact, if you spend less time trying to manufacture drama and more time incorporating talented culinary experts, you may be able to save this struggling show.



For the elimination challenge, the chefs had to create a dish using three key ingredients—chicken, potatoes, and onions. Casey impressed the judges with her Coq a Vin. However, Tom pointed out that she mislabeled her dish, and he wasn’t very happy about that. Brian made a dish that didn’t look very appetizing, but it was a hit with the judges. They all agreed that it was very tasty. Ok, let’s get back to Casey. I almost gave up on the lovely Texan after several disappointing performances. Then, she turned things around by winning two elimination challenges in a row. Now, I love Casey, but I can’t explain how she could go from clueless to flawless in such a short period of time. My first hypothesis is that the producers injected poor Casey with a low does of some sort of anesthetic, causing her to act disoriented at times during the first half of the season. Alternatively, the producers could have asked Casey to deliver a sub-par performance early on and save the best for last. Seriously, her unbelievable comeback is too good to be true. I smell a rat.



Anyway, there’s no question that Hung stole the show. In fact, this felt a lot like one of the earliest elimination challenges, where Hung impressed Anthony Bourdain. I’m rooting for Hung; there’s no question he’s the chef to beat. However, I must point out that Hung’s confidence level is reaching dangerous levels. He’s like a hyper little rooster that fails to consider its own mortality. Yes, a rooster may be king of the hen house, but it can easily be slaughtered by a farmer who’s trying to make the perfect Coq a Vin.



Now, let’s talk about Dale and Sara. Both showed an inability to work well under pressure. Dale made it to the next round only because Sara was the bigger failure. It’s a shame Sara didn’t make it to the final. Her performance during the Second Helpings episode was unforgettable. I’m sure she’s moved on to bigger and better things.

Bravo And Their Sick Little Games (Top Chef 3; Episode 11)

So, they finally got rid of CJ. To be honest, I’m a little surprised he made it this far. I mean, let’s face it; he isn’t Top Chef material. However, he’s probably one of the nicest guys in the history of Bravo reality television. Yes, fans and bloggers all over the blogosphere are expressing their love for CJ. He will be missed.



I could make a comment about a certain part of his male reproductive apparatus, or lack thereof; but I won’t. I could devote an entire post to his distracting double chin, but I refuse to do that. I could chastise him for being a bitch to Brian at the judges’ table during the Restaurant Wars episode, but I shall hold my breath. No, I want to celebrate CJ, a man from California who literally towered over the competition. In a world of pompous foodies and culinary types, CJ maintained his All-American charm. And that, my friends, is why many viewers quite fancy the Jolly Green Giant.



This episode revealed another side of CJ, an X-rated side. Ok, ok, I’m totally exaggerating. Anyway, in this episode, we learned that CJ has a thing for ethnic beauties. When Padma nudged the sleeping giant, she was careful not to get too close. There’s no telling what a man of such size is capable of doing in a heightened state of sexual arousal. She probably feared for her life. CJ didn’t cool down after that sexually charged encounter. A few minutes later, when the chefs were given their tickets to some mysterious destination, CJ immediately thought of Japan. He must have been fantasizing about geishas and other lovely Japanese women. But, instead, the chefs were sent to Newark Liberty International Airport. Poor CJ; he must have been so disappointed.



Hung started off the show strong. He won the quickfire challenge by preparing steak, eggs, and a shake. He also made a very wise decision by going with Chilean sea bass for the elimination challenge. He didn’t win, but he certainly impressed the judges. I have to say, Hung is officially my favorite cheftestant. Of all the chefs, he’s the most versatile. He’s very knowledgeable and can prepare dishes that are safe beats, but he’s also not afraid to take risks. He is the man to beat.



However, the win went to Casey, the Texan who has more lives than a cat. I’m not going to lie, I like Casey. But there’s no denying she’s a real mess. There's no telling what she'll do this week. Seriously, if she gets eliminated, I won't be surprised. I can’t believe she’s managed to win two elimination challenges in a row. How did she do it? It appears that the women are saving the best for last, and that’s certainly something to celebrate. Sara didn’t do so well this time, but her performance a few weeks ago was phenomenal. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, she kicked some major ass.



This raises an interesting question. Why has it taken this long for us to discover that . . . surprise, surprise . . . the women can actually cook? I remember reading Andrea Strong’s blog. She mentioned that every chef is followed by a camera man. Everything they say and do is recorded. Bravo has hours and hours of footage, but most of it will probably never see the light of day. And this very fact annoys the hell out of me. The producers and editors try very hard to create a story line. Each show has to have a villain, an underdog, and various other characters. There’s a lot of information that is kept from the viewer. There are other bloggers who can see right through Bravo’s sick little games, but I’m the sucker who seems to fall for it every time. When will I ever learn?

Thank Goodness For Hung and His Smurf Village (Top Chef 3; Episode 10)

For your consideration, I present to you Hung’s Quickfire dish.

That’s some crazy shit.

Yes, Michael Schwartz, that was some crazy shit! I had a really hard time understanding this episode. I had predicted that Casey would crash and burn, but then she kicked me in the ass by winning the elimination challenge. However, I refuse to apologize. I praised Sara for her phenomenal performance the previous week, but I’m still not sold when it comes to Casey. She’s just all over the place. At times, she appears to have the culinary skills of a 5-year-old child; while at other times, she manages to impress the judges (and herself) by cooking up something surprisingly good. I can’t take it anymore.




I can see why some people get annoyed by Brian. But I enjoy watching this man light up the screen. Yes, I want to have sex with Brian. Sorry, I have the terrible habit of falling for straight guys; that really needs to stop. Anyway, let’s move on. Brian won the quickfire challenge by creating a successful dish using SPAM. Interestingly, Brian mentioned Tom Colicchio’s major complaint—that Brian never steps outside of his comfort zone. It’s going to take more than seafood to win Top Chef. And I’m glad he kind of acknowledged that.



I can’t quite explain Casey’s win, but, I have to admit that it put a big smile on my face. Finally, the women ended the night victorious. With the exception of CJ, the men seemed disoriented and uninspired. In previous episodes, my beloved Gail pointed out Howie’s time management problems. The guy does not work well under pressure. Sure, he’s a good chef, but cheffing is not for the faint of heart. Stress comes with the territory, a fact that most chefs should be aware of.



To his credit, Howie has made some successful dishes, but he’s also failed miserably on a number of occasions. He also seems to lack that creative drive that many great chefs possess in abundance. It’s kind of a shame to see him go because he gave us bloggers a lot of material to work with. For example, Howie had the following to say about fashion,

Do I look like I care about fashion? This is from Target. This is all I have.

Hung offered the following,

I love fashion! I like to wear, like, clothes that fit me, not clothes that look like a box.

Hm, I think I know what’s he’s trying to say. And he’s right. Some adult men in this country are still wearing baggy jeans and shirts that should only be worn by severely obese individuals. Oh, and I found it kind of funny that no one bothered to ask Dale what he thought about fashion. I mean, he’s the (out) gay man on the show; he should have something to say about fashion. Right?

Casey, of course, won the elimination challenge, but, as I mentioned before, it’s going to take a lot more to win me over. Now, I think it’s safe to say that many bloggers had issues with this episode. For starters, the judges seemed quite unreasonable. One can only do so much with a $350 budget. There are other complaints about various aspects of the show. I’ve complained about the lack of female talent; others think this season is boring compared to other seasons; and the list goes on.

I actually think these criticisms are not limited to Top Chef; they reflect a greater problem with Bravo reality television. For example, Bravo’s newest offering, Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style, got less than stellar reviews. And I can see why. To be honest, I enjoyed watching Tim Gunn do his thing; yes, I consider myself a fan. But the show failed to capture my full attention. It actually looked like a makeover show that one usually finds on some other cable networks like the TV Guide Channel or A& E. And I find that very problematic. We’re talking about Bravo, the home of Queer Eye and Project Runway!

On a positive note, this episode of Top Chef offered hope. And it presented itself in the form of a slightly crazed bisexual named Hung. During the quickfire challenge, Hung worked passionately to create a dish that defied explanation. At this stage in the game, it would seem wise to stick to what’s been done before. But Hung dared to think outside the box. And the other chefs rightfully applauded his bizarre display of self-expression. He has earned my support. Yes, I hope Hung makes it to the final.

So, I agree with most that this episode was a bit disappointing, and I think Bravo needs to start injecting some creativity and innovation into its reality television programs. Seriously, they could have done so much with Top Design but failed to deliver. You know, I was so close to giving up on Bravo, but Hung’s quickfire masterpiece made me reconsider my position. Thank goodness for Hung and his defiant Smurf Village.

Reality Star Life Cycle: From Birth To The Supernova (Top Chef 3; Episode 9)

After last week’s disaster, the producers had a huge hurdle to overcome. Whether or not they succeeded is subject to debate. Now, I enjoyed this episode for various reasons. For starters, the quickfire challenge was great—a real competition. And the restaurants looked much better and the service was also quite improved compared to what we saw last week.

This episode offered two extremes. We witnessed the highs of success and those almost miraculous moments when things just come together perfectly. But we also got to see abject failure. Sara M’s performance in this episode was phenomenal. Not only did she kick Casey’s slow ass, but she also kicked my ass and made me eat my words. I will never call her lazy again. She rocked!

Interestingly, this episode kind of made me think of the life cycle of a star, those magnificent entities that live in solar systems near and far. I know, the strangest things pop into my head as I watch these reality programs. Anyway, Sara M’s success represents the birth of a star—a reality star.



She came out of nowhere, diced onions like there was no tomorrow, and proved more than effective as the executive chef of Quatre. Her star shone brighter than any other. Tre, on the other hand, represents the other end of the spectrum. He started off strong; easily one of the most promising of all the chefs.



Yes, he was once a bright star, wowing the judges with his well executed and beautiful dishes. Everyone expected him to make it to the final. However, he was unable to pull his team together. His unfortunate fall from grace was kind of like a stellar event—an explosion or supernova, one of the final stages of a star’s life cycle.



This episode offered quite a few pleasant surprises. We got to see a very loquacious Steven, showing off his sommelier skills. I actually like Steven.



There were other familiar faces—Joey, Sara N., Camille, and Lia. Oh, I just have to commend Lia for looking so amazing. Well done!




I was particularly pleased to see the lovely Camille. I can’t explain it; I don’t know much about her, but she seems like the kind of person who’d be fun to hang out with. She’s my kind of girl.



I have no idea why they invited Christopher Ciccone to participate this season. I mean, there are certainly better qualified interior designers. I guess producers assumed the gays would love to see Madonna’s pompous brother. It’s becoming increasingly clear that Bravo is seriously courting gay viewers. Yeah, they want us!



Now, I’ve made it very clear that I like Dale. I think he did an excellent job at the front of the house, and he also contributed a successful dish. However, this man has the most insane mix of gay traits. Stereotypes can be a gay man’s best friend. For example, people often assume that gay men have impeccable taste. Of course, not all gay have good taste, and some gays should never be allowed to express their inner gayness. Dale, I’m afraid, is a case in point. His unfortunate fashion sense, terrible interior design skills, and penchant for scented candles could have been his undoing in the previous episode. Fortunately, Bravo gave him and the other cheftestants another chance. Well, Dale did something that I found quite bizarre. As Ted pointed out, he was not dressed appropriately for the challenge. I can’t understand how any gay man could turn down an opportunity to dress to the nines. Brian looked more presentable. It’s a sad day when one is out-gayed by a straight man with subsyndromal Adult ADD. Hold on a minute; is Brian straight?



I’ve complained about the lack of female talent this season. Fortunately, Sara M stepped up to the plate and hit a home run. Casey is another story. She was the reason her team lost the quickfire challenge. Watching her dice onions was unnerving. How can one be a chef with such poor knife skills? I guess it’s possible, but I’m sure that kind of Chef is not Top Chef material. I’m so close to giving up on Casey. Actually, she should be eliminated soon. She really doesn’t deserve to make it to the final. I love ya, Casey, but I’m just being objective here.

CJ and Brian did almost nothing. They essentially left Tre alone. CJ’s dish failed, and Brian didn’t prepare anything. And his customer service skills were far from exceptional. I was a bit surprised that they eliminated Tre. However, his inability to lead his team to victory was a major downfall. How can you be a Top Chef and have poor leadership skills. Also, at this point of the competition, he should have known better than to send out food that was less than perfect. And it’s a shame that none of the other chefs bothered to scrutinize any of the food before it left the kitchen. They all failed their executive chef and themselves. It's sad that Tre was eliminated, but the show must go on.

Not a War; Not Even A Battle (Top Chef 3, Episode 8)

This episode of Top Chef: Miami offered the much anticipated Restaurant Wars. This tradition makes sense on paper. However, it’s not easy to execute. Some chefs get to cook, while others have to work in the front end. This division of labor makes it difficult to evaluate each chef’s performance. How does one compare Howie’s risotto to Brian’s front of the house performance? Both were bad, but we’re talking about different types of bad. If you ask me, I don’t think it’s very fair. The show is called Top Chef, and eliminating a chef for having poor interior design skills makes no sense to me.

I was pleased that CJ won the quickfire challenge, which earned him an important advantage. He seems to be coming out of his shell, so to speak. Anyway, the chefs were divided into two teams of four. CJ’s advantage was getting to pick his team. He chose Tre, Casey, and Brian. They called their temporary place Restaurant April. The remaining chefs—Howie, Sara, Hung, and Dale—called their restaurant The Garage. I find it strange that none of the chefs expressed concern about such an ill conceived name.

Team Garage seemed to have the most problems—scented candles, a tacky environment, and two poorly executed and heavy dishes. Dale claimed to have the most front end experience, and it showed. I think he did an excellent job. He’s quite a character. He said the following of working as a server in the front of the house,

You’re half prostitute, half performer . . . in the front I’m smooth; in the back, I’m a raging bitch

Dale is now officially my favorite chef. Yes, I love gay men! You know, I found it interesting that he and Hung were out done by Brian and Casey. Come on; what’s the world coming to? Aren’t gay and bisexual men supposed to have better taste? It was so disappointing.



The judges weren’t too impressed with either team, although it appeared that Team April was ahead. Even Ted mentioned that he preferred them over Team Garage.



I also have to acknowledge that I’ve been too hard on Sara M. In this episode, I think she redeemed herself in my eyes. She volunteered to be the executive chef, a very risky move. And, at the judges’ table, she openly accepted full responsibility as head of the kitchen. I was impressed and so were the judges.



In the end, Dale and Brian were both in the hot seat for crimes against good taste and service. Dale committed a major sin by placing scented candles all over the restaurant. Shouldn’t most chefs know better?



I really thought the judges were going to send Brian home. He really lost it this time, and a good chef has to know how to handle pressure. You can’t just give up like Sara did in the previous challenge, but you can’t run around like a chicken with its head cut off either. I’ve made it clear that I like Brian. Actually, I like looking at him. So, I was ready to see him go.

Well, no one was eliminated; the judges decided to give both teams another chance. Some bloggers liked the idea; others . . . not so much. I hope the producers, chefs, and judges take this opportunity to iron out all the kinks. But I doubt they will.

Ah, I have to talk about the guest blogger. I loved the idea. I wish Bravo would do it more often. Click here to read guest blogger Andrea Strong’s description of this episode. She offers an outside perspective of the show. The one thing I didn’t like about this whole thing was that Andrea had to sign a confidentiality agreement. She wasn’t allowed to discuss Top Chef on her blog. Yeah, that kind of sucks. Ok, I get it. Bravo needs to ensure that no one leaks vital information about each episode before air time; but couldn’t they come up with a clever way to include bloggers in the process without the gag order?

Bravo is well aware that bloggers have added so much to their various shows. What would Project Runway be without Tom and Lorenzo? How could we enjoy Top Chef without Amuse-Biatch, Blogging Top Chef, Top Chef 2: They Cook, We Dish, Dishin' Dat, Eric Three Thousand, and Reality on Bravo? Maybe next season the producers will invite some of these wonderful Bravo bloggers to participate. How awesome would that be?

It’s A Man’s World After All (Top Chef 3, Episode 7)

This episode of Top Chef: Miami had the strangest effect on me. It forced me to reconsider an issue I had long forgotten—an issue I had placed under lock and key somewhere in my over-crowded brain. I’ll get to that a little later.

There was reason to celebrate this week. Yep, Dale won the quickfire challenge, and that made me one very happy gay man. In other news, Dale dumped Casey for Sara N. Honestly, I think switching hags like that isn’t a good idea. But that’s just me. Actually, Dale really lucked out this week. He didn’t even have to participate in the elimination challenge. His reaction to that was wonderful.



Wait, it got better; in addition to getting the night off, he had dinner with Govind Armstrong. Yeah, that was a pretty sweet deal. I’m sure the other cheftestants weren’t too happy about that.



Now, let’s discuss the bad stuff. The cheftestants were told to get ready to party because Bravo was going to foot the bill for a night on the town. Those silly fools believed it, and their hopes soared higher than Hung’s ego. Oh, reality can be such a bitch. The cheftestants were all dressed up when Padma and Govind broke the news that they were not going to some awesome Miami club. Instead, the cheftestants were going to cook some food for party-goers as part of their elimination challenge. The women were pissed. The guys weren’t happy, but they eventually got over it. In fact, Brian was having a blast the whole time. And Tre was a little too eager to show off his big guns.



The women never quite got over the deception. Well, I should point out that Sara M seemed perfectly fine with the whole situation. She said,

I don’t give a shit

You know, Sara M drives me nuts, and not in a good way. She’s on my and Tom’s shit list. She just seems like a really lazy person. I was not surprised that she had no issues, as a woman, with this challenge. It’s actually kind of scary. She reminds me of a terrible mother with six kids who lets themplay on the streets at 2 AM. Why? Well, because these mothers don’t give a shit. I have one question for Sara M; do you give a shit about winning the title of Top Chef? Actually, she has prepared some surprisingly good dishes in the past; she may be one to watch. But she still drives me crazy.

At the judges table, the judges seemed baffled by the women’s reaction. And that kind of irritated me. Tom was shocked when Casey and Sara voiced their concerns. Even my beloved Ted Allen was a little surprised by the women’s poor performance. He asked,

. . . you can’t cook because you don’t like your outfit?

He totally missed the point, I think. Fortunately, Ted took back his comments, and he offered a different interpretation of the whole situation. He even acknowledged that he and the producers were a little insensitive. Click here to read his blog entry.

However, I cannot blame Sara N’s elimination on the producers' and judges' insensitivity. Padma made a very good point when she said,

If you’re gearing up to do one thing, and you . . . (end up doing something else????) . . . I can appreciate that . . . you should be able to bounce back.

Yeah, I couldn’t understand what she said before the “I can appreciate” part. Anyway, Padma was absolutely right. Life isn’t always easy and predictable. You have to be able to adapt to different situations and working conditions. You may have clients that you’re not used to serving, or you may have a demanding boss who expects damn near perfection. And, if you want to keep your job, you’ve got to deliver.

So, I think the judges made the right decision. In fact, Sara N gave them every reason to send her home. My biggest problem with this episode was the clear lack of consideration for the female point of view. Ted described this in his blog entry, and I would just like to add a little more to that.

It’s kind of sad that in this day and age women (and gays, too) have to adjust to various work environments that are dominated by heterosexual males. In this episode, everyone seemed surprised that two of the women were very uncomfortable. Even other bloggers questioned Casey’s and Sara N’s behavior. To some people, it may seem strange that two women made such a big deal about this. However, one must consider how women are viewed in our culture. Women have to juggle multiple roles. They are sexual beings, of course, and it’s normal for a woman to want to look sexually attractive. But these same women have to be very careful when picking out an outfit for work or some other more conservative function. Sure, they want to dress to impress, but they also want to be taken seriously. It’s interesting that in our culture no one seems to care whether a man behaves a certain way in or out of the work place. In fact, our culture often celebrates male promiscuity and aggressive behavior. It’s a dog eat dog world, they say. It’s all justified. Well, that’s a complicated issue that I won’t go into here.

Again, I think it’s important to be able to perform effectively under any kind of pressure. Most dedicated and successful people can weather almost any storm. And there are many women who have accomplished so much in the face of adversity. I just think we should do more to support women in the work place. I once heard a supervisor complain that his employee’s pregnancy was a big inconvenience for the company. That really upset me. It pains me to say it, but there’s no question we live in a man’s world. It's kind of depressing. I think I'll keep this little bit of reality under lock and key in the most inaccessible part of my brain.

New York For Brains: The Final Stand (Top Chef 3, Episode 6)

I’ve often compared Bravo to an academic institution. Remember when I declared Sally Hershberger the Dean of her very own School—the Hershberger School of Coolness? Why would I say such a thing, you may ask. Well, because she’s one of the coolest judges in the history of Bravo reality television. Period. What! You don’t remember? Whatever; let’s move on.

Anyway, Top Chef:Miami is one of Bravo’s most successful reality programs. And I’m still trying to figure out each participant’s place within Bravo University. We all know that Tom Colicchio belongs in Hershberger’s School of Coolness. That’s an easy one. Most of the other participants—guests and cheftestants—are also quite easy to place. However, there are two men who can’t seem to fit in. So, dear readers, join me as I try to find a home for Joey and Howie within Bravo University. For your consideration, here’s what Howie had to say about this week’s quickfire challenge.

I really like that type of a challenge. I’m a little bit more of an academic in a lot of ways. I’m a thinker. I mean, I AM a thinker.

Oh, Howie. Let’s not rush into things. I would hardly use the words academic or intellectual to describe this challenge. Come on, even a dog or Hung’s monkey can learn to distinguish between different foods. And I would never call a dog an academic. Whether or not Hung’s monkey should be awarded an advanced degree is subject to debate. Primates of any kind are quite remarkable. Some are probably smarter than you.

Ok, I admit that Howie has a way with words at the judges’ table. And it helps that he's read a few Anthony Bourdain books. But it takes more than that to be considered an academic. Now, let’s hear what Joey had to say.

You have to know your clientele . . . understand what type of food they like . . . they’re not looking for something out the box.

Ah, Joey. I have no idea what you're talking about, but I love the fact that you don’t pretend to be something you’re not. You’re a stubborn Italian guy from New York who seems to suffer from temporary hearing loss. IQF, Joey! IQF!

Well, after little deliberation. I’ve decided that these knuckle heads are not academics. There is, however, an opening in the cafeteria kitchen at Bravo University. I’m sure they’ll fit right in.

I have to say, this quickfire challenge was a lot of fun. Early in the game, Dale struggled to identify one of the food items and his reaction was priceless.



He placed his huge (flinstone-like) hands on his head and made a few cute gestures. He provided the wrong answer. Oh, and check him out wearing a black muscle shirt.



He’s such a tease. Dale, I’ve already told you that I’m trying to make things work with Brian. You know how hard it is to crack a straight guy. However, I’m willing to meet with you in private to discuss other arrangements. Call me.



My beloved Brian was so close to winning, but he wasn’t able to identify eggplant. Oh well. You’ll get them next time, tiger. Ok, I’m not going to lie; I was kind of surprised that Casey ended up winning the quickfire challenge. Yeah, I totally didn’t see that one coming.



You know, it’s easy to underestimate this lovely Texan. I used to think she lacked motivation. But Casey has somehow managed to keep herself in the game. And I think she’s the strongest of the three remaining women. One great thing about Casey is her ability to charm the pants off of any living thing. She got Lia to love her, and now Dale just can’t seem to get enough of her. How does she do it? She's like a heroine--a few hits and you're addicted. However, the big question is, can Casey win this thing?

I can’t tell you how disappointed I am with the two Saras. Sara N. is slow and clueless, while Sara M. doesn’t seem to care about anything. Actually, Sara M. did snap back at Tom at the judges’ table. I guess that should count for something. I really don’t expect much from these two. And it’s so obvious that Tom wants Sara M. out.



CJ and Tre ended up winning this elimination challenge, and they deserved it. Tre is certainly one to watch. I’m not sure about CJ; however, the guy is really likable, and he has a great sense of humor. I wish him the best. Brian is another one to watch, I think. He’s been playing it safe by sticking to what he knows best—seafood. That plan may backfire on him. Yeah, he really needs to wow the judges again soon. I have a kind of love/hate relationship with Hung. I think he’s talented, but his little diva attitude is starting to get annoying. Now, I have nothing against true divas. Hung just needs to stop telling us how great his is and start showing us. As they say, actions speak louder than words. I’m already getting tired of Howie. Both he and Sara brought out the worst in each other in this episode; not a good thing at this stage in the game. And Howie’s already on Gail’s shit list. I was rooting for him at the outset, but I’m starting to reconsider my position.

So . . . that leaves us with Joey. The judges asked him to pack his knives and go. I wasn’t at all surprised. It was his time. It’s funny how Bravo seems to reinforce some stereotypes, while breaking down others. In Shear Genius, they had two Lesbian stylists. In this season of Top Chef, the women seem to be more calm and collected, while the men are emotional and unstable. In fact, Howie and Joey provided most of the emotional instability in this episode. Yep, in Top Chef:Miami, it’s the men, not the women, who cry like babies.

Never Judge A Book By Its Cover (Top Chef 3, Reunion Special)

Bravo’s Watch What Happens special aired a few hours ago. It was nothing spectacular; Andy Cohen interviewed past and present Top Chef contestants. But I enjoyed seeing some past cheftestants talk about their experiences.

Ok, now let’s get down to business. I’m sure other bloggers are going recap the entire thing; so I’m just going to focus on two aspects of the show: tolerance and the importance of not judging a book by its cover! Please let me explain.

In most societies, it’s not easy being a fabulous harlot. Women of ill repute are often shunned by others. In some cultures, even a straight-laced gal who falls from grace one time can end up wearing a scarlet letter for life. It’s not easy being a whore.

I feel for these women. I really do. Out there somewhere is a prostitute with a heart of gold. Or a stripper who dutifully performs for disabled veterans. Or a desperate housewife who pays for her young gardener’s college education. I refuse to judge these women.

Anyway, at one point during the show, Andy read a comment submitted by a Bravo viewer.

How the hell can you cook anything with that Padma parading around. Christ, I’d eat anything off of her; I’d drink her bath water.

First, I was shocked to learn that heterosexual men actually watch Bravo. Interesting. The suits at Bravo sure knew what they were doing when they hired her. Yeah, sex sells. Anyway, at first, I was concerned for our Padma. For a brief moment, it appeared that Padma’s sexuality was on trial. Here’s the evidence.











It’s undeniable; our beloved Padma is asking for trouble. However, just when I had given up hope, an angel appeared on the screen. No, he wasn’t an angel, he was more like a deity—a gay deity with impeccable taste. It was my personal hero Tim Gunn. He said of Padma,

I love Padma’s style! Padma is who she is, and if risqué is the way she wants to be, risqué is how she should be. Padma, keep it up.

Then, fellow judge Tom Colicchio added,

In Padma’s defense, she’s not cooking in that kitchen.

While all this was going on, former cheftestant Sandee was jumping up and down like a teenage boy at a Jessica Simpson concert. She must have heard the news that Padma was leaving her husband. Oh, one can only imagine the types of thoughts that were in her head at that very moment.



Sandee immediately offered the object of her affection the following words,

She’s a pleasure when she comes in the kitchen . . . she comes in and it brightens our day.

How touching. Of course, Padma was allowed to speak in her own defense. She said,

It doesn’t matter; all I have to do on the show is think, speak, and eat; and I’m dressed perfectly for those three tasks . . . people don’t know this, but Gail’s actually much more, uh . . .

I’m the real slut is what she’s trying to say.

Finally, the truth was revealed. So, it turns out that Padma may look like a slut, but she’s really just a misunderstood beauty. Seriously, if she wanted, she could dress that way in Bollywood and still play an innocent virgin who saves herself for the right man. But, instead, she’s a reality star here in the States. And I think she’s doing us a favor. You know, I’d pay to see her dancing in one of those Bollywood dance numbers. Yes, I’d love that. Anyway, now we all know who the real whore is; don’t we, Gail?

This reunion special taught me many valuable lessons. The most obvious lesson is to never judge a book by its cover. But, the most important lesson of all is that we should be tolerant of everyone. Even harlots need a little love.

El Mundo De Top Chef (Top Chef 3, Episode 5)

Don’t worry; I’m not going to bitch and complain about this episode of Top Chef: Miami. I did that last week, but the Gods of reality television didn't hear my prayers. Yep, another woman was eliminated. Surprise, surprise. Anyway, in this episode, the cheftestants had to create something tasty using frozen pie crusts for the quickfire challenge. Dale’s reaction to the news was priceless.

Fuck you!

Oh, Dale, please behave. Actually, Dale considered this a great opportunity to redeem himself after a disappointing showing last week. He was quite confident with his final dish for the quickfire challenge—a spinach and salmon dish accompanied by a strawberry tart. He even stated that those two dishes were some of the best dishes he had made in the entire competition thus far. Well, Maria Frumkin, the guest judge, wasn’t impressed. She also didn’t seem to like Hung’s and Lia’s dishes. Oh, well, you can’t win them all. She was very pleased with Joey, Sara M., and Tre. However, she was most impressed by Joey’s trio of tarts. She even suggested that he had future in tarts. I loved how Joey looked into the camera and confessed that he had some experience making pastries, which he failed to mention to Maria. I’m sure Dale was pissed.



For the elimination challenge, the cheftestants were instructed to prepare Latin dishes for the cast and crew of Dame Chocolate, a telenovela that airs on Telemundo. Joey was all smiles; he described his reaction to this particular challenge,

I get excited . . . All hot Latina women . . . I get all happy.

Yes, Joey, I know exactly what you mean. We’ll get to that later. Anyway, the cheftestants were given $125 and 30 minutes to shop for ingredients and all that other good stuff. Some of them complained, of course, but everyone managed to buy all the necessary things. They were also told that they would have 3 hours to cook. However, Padma included an important caveat—the show’s schedule is constantly being adjusted. No one seemed to listen or they heard and just didn’t care.

In the kitchen, things were going smoothly until Tom walked in and announced that the lunch had been pushed up. The chefs’ time had been cut in half to 1 ½ hours.

Oh. My. God.

Oh, calm down, Brian. You always end up making some seafood dish anyway; I’m sure you can rely on one of your many recipes. Just put some salsa on it and I’m sure they’ll love it. I just have to say, Brian is the hottest chef in the kitchen. Hm, I think I should dedicate an entire post to him. Yeah, he deserves that. Ok, sorry, let’s move on.

As usual, Howie never works well under pressure. His sweat glands were on overdrive, and Ted had something to say about that in his blog. Seriously, I’d prefer a Howie dish without sweat as the key ingredient, thank you very much. Hung giggled uncontrollably as he talked about his Dish with Tom. Then he ran around the kitchen like a mad man with a knife in hand. He almost cut poor Casey who was busy making some kind of mole sauce that no one seemed to like.

Fortunately, the cheftestants finished their dishes, packed their things, and headed to the set of Dame Chocolate. As soon as they arrived, Joey and I were on the same page, so to speak. He was looking forward to seeing hot Latin women; while I was hoping to catch a glimpse of as many hot Latin men as possible, especially one of the biggest male soap stars in Latin America and the male protagonist in Dame Chocolate. Can you say Carlos Ponce? Yes, Joey and I were like bird watchers, waiting patiently for a glimpse of the ever elusive Latin hottie.

After the chefs set up their tables, some guy announced that it was lunch time, and the cast and crew made their way to the food. First, let me just say that I suspect that most of the people there were crew members. I didn’t see many ridiculously hot Latin women or men. Thanks a lot, Bravo. Then, just when I had given up hope, a mysterious woman approached Sara N’s table. Finally! A sexy Latin vixen! This histrionic woman had to be the show’s promiscuous she-devil. You know the one I’m talking about—the whore who sleeps with every rich man in town and tries to murder anyone who gets in her way.



Oh, wait, it was just Gail.



But, then, I spotted another lovely lady. Surely, she must play the part of the indigenous girl from a rural town in Mexico who moves to Miami in search of a better life (and love), I thought to myself. Then, I spotted a man with more rico suave than Ricky Martin. Hm, that must be Carlos Ponce or his chubby older brother, I wondered.



No, I was wrong again. The lovely indigenous girl was none other than Padma, and the rico suave guy was our very own Tom Colicchio.



Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, Joey’s dream came true. He saw former Venezuelan beauty queen Natalia Streignard. Yep, this hot Latin woman is the real deal. Of course, there were other lovely ladies. And I’m sure Joey was very happy. I waited faithfully for Carlos Ponce, but he never showed up. Yeah, I was a little disappointed, but I was pleased to see some random hot Latin guy (probably a crew member); he was sitting next Gail. Muy caliente!



So, after Tom and Gail asked the cast a few questions like "who plays the bitch" and "have any of the women had sex with Carlos Ponce," everyone starts to talk about the food. They loved Sara M’s Chiles Rellenos, Howie’s Pork with Yuca Sour Orange Mojo, and Joey’s Bean Stew with Lobster. Most weren’t impressed with Hung’s Arroz con Pollo. Nope, not even Hung’s surprisingly good Spanish speaking skills could save him. Most agreed that Sara N’s Avocado Ceviche didn’t really qualify as Ceviche. Lia’s dish was also one of the least favorites, and Casey’s dish was a total miss.



Howie ended up winning the elimination challenge, and he graciously gave his prize, a bottle of Argentine wine, to his new bff Joey. That was really sweet. Of course, one of the chefs had to be eliminated. That’s the nature of the game. And the judges asked Lia to pack her knives and go.



You know, I really like Lia. It took a while, but she won me over with her professionalism and down-to-earth personality. She was never manipulative; she always spoke directly and honestly. She has earned my respect and admiration. It’s sad to see her go, but the show must go on. She offered the following words before she left,

I’m definitely going to keep on cooking. It’s what I love to do. I love being in a kitchen. I love food. I love feeding people; it’s fun!

Good luck, chef. We enjoyed watching you on the show.

Yo, I'll Tell You What I Want, What I Really, Really Want (Top Chef 3, Episode 4)

This episode of Top Chef:Miami was all about the ladies. Finally! First, for the quickfire challenge, the cheftestants had to pair an appetizer with a cocktail. Dale was very pleased because he had prior experience in mixology and food pairing. However, despite Dale’s slight advantage, Casey ended up winning and earned the highly coveted “get out of jail free” card (i.e., immunity).



Yep, I was quite happy that a woman won this challenge. I’ll explain why I was so happy later. Promise. The only problem I had with Casey’s win was that she seemed a little clueless while preparing her dish, but her hair-brain idea worked! French toast saved the day. Good for her. Oh, and Joey is such a lush. Someone please keep that guy away from the booze.



Then, for the elimination challenge, the cheftestants were divided into teams of three. Each team was instructed to create one course, with each team member contributing a dish and all three had to use the same ingredient. Casey went from clueless to careless. Seriously, she seemed to lack motivation. And I don’t think she was over-confident; she just didn’t seem to care. Of course, she had immunity, but it’s not good to leave a bad impression at the judges’ table. And that’s exactly what she did. Tom called her tuna tartare weak. What happened, Casey? You’re not an amateur. So stop acting like one.



Ah, but this episode belonged to Lia. Yes, this sweet gal impressed the judges with her olive oil poached shrimp. You know, Lia seems to lack personality; she’s not very outgoing, but she seems like a down-to-earth person. I like that, and in this episode, she proved that she has what it takes to compete with the best of ‘em.



Of course, one of the cheftestants had to be eliminated, and the judges made the right decision by asking Camille Becerra to pack her knives (and bikini) and go. I was heartbroken but have since recovered. As they say, the show must go on.

Now, let’s move on to other more important matters. Yes, a disturbing realization hit me the other day and it’s been bugging me ever since. Here, for your consideration, I’ve posted pictures of previous winners of four Bravo reality shows (Project Runway, Top Chef, Top Design, and Shear Genius).






Do you see the problem? Yep, only one of the seven winners is a woman. And I find that very problematic. What’s going on? It’s tempting to just attribute this to chance and forget about it. Well, I’m sorry, but I’m not going to let this go just yet. I’ve got my eye on you, Bravo. Ok, I’m not suggesting that we just hand the victory to an individual who happens to have two X chromosomes. This is, after all, a competition.

If I had to guess, I’d say we’re dealing with a sampling issue. That is, the group of women selected for these reality programs may not be representative of the real talent that’s out there. Could it be that the casting director and his or her people aren’t getting the best female contestants possible. Of course, the same case could be made for the male contestants. However, I wonder whether women have to overcome more obstacles than men if they want to participate in these shows. Let’s face it; married professional women who have children are probably less likely to consider participating than their male counterparts. And this season of Top Chef doesn’t look promising. Three women have already been eliminated, and the show’s just getting started.

Fortunately, there’s a powerful force that has been awakened after years of slumber. It’s a force that’s hard to explain, but we all know what it is. Of course, I’m talking about GIRL POWER!


I have to admit; I always underestimated girl power, but not anymore. This awesome force of nature is capable of turning mediocre performances into international pop superstars. Simon Fuller used this power wisely when he created the hugely successful pop group The Spice Girls. Can he do it again? I have my doubts, but we’ll see what happens.

Now, I’m optimistic that the return of The Spice Girls will serve as a catalyst for change in Bravo reality television. Maybe this awesome power will propel young Lia to realize her full potential. Maybe this amazing power will hit both Saras like a huge dose of amphetamine. Maybe this power will slap some sense into Casey, a woman who seems content with just playing it safe.

I want these women to get their acts together. Yes, that’s what I want. That’s what I really, really want!

Hasta Luego, Mi Amor

I almost cried after this episode of Top Chef:Miami. Seriously, when Padma asked Camille to pack her knives and go, I almost lost it. I just wanted to hug the hell out of that girl. Why, why, why, I kept asking myself. Why didn't we see more of you? Why didn't you blow us away with some amazing dish? Why did you switch places with Hung? He abandoned the final group when Dale declared them “Team Pastry.” That was a smart move, Hung; you bastard!



At first, I wasn’t really concerned for Camille. Dale’s idea made sense. I mean, you can’t go wrong with dessert. Right? And Camille seemed very confident. Well, she had me fooled. In fact, I was convinced that the loser had to be either Tweedle Dee or Tweedle Dumb. Bravo fooled me yet again.



Although Camille’s elimination was a sad, sad moment for me, I can’t say I didn’t see it coming. She had received little air time in previous episodes. She never really prepared any amazing dishes. She was just . . . there—right smack in the middle, an invisible woman, really. We never really got a chance to know Camille. I still can't explain how I became a fan. She just seems like a real sweetheart, and that gets me every time.



She said very little at the judges table, and the little she did say was not very impressive. I think that was her major malfunction, to borrow a word from Anthony Bourdain . She could learn a thing or two from Howie. That guy can talk his way out of anything. Sometimes, a well thought out response at the judges table can save the day, something Howie knows all to well.



I wasn’t the only one affected by Camille’s elimination. Dale was visibly upset by the judges’ decision, and he acknowledged that he felt responsible for the whole mess. Well, Dale, it wasn’t really your fault. It was an unfortunate outcome, for sure, but we shouldn’t point any fingers. Camille chose to join your group; nobody forced her. Honestly, at this stage in the game, it’s important to know one’s strengths and weaknesses. Brian is a case in point. Of all the cheftestants, he’s made decisions that have highlighted his strengths. He’s a smart cookie, but he can’t fool Tom for much longer. I’m sure this was a great learning experience for Camille, and I wish her the best in NYC.



The last few minutes were quite touching. Even Joey, the big lug, shed a few tears as he hugged Camille.



And, as she went around the room hugging and saying goodbye to her fellow cheftestants, it was very clear that everyone was fond of her. It was a pleasure to see. Camille is so full of energy; she has a great personality; she’s friendly; and, in addition to all those great personal qualities, she looks great in a bikini.



So, I guess I’ll have to come to terms with the judges’ decision. In fact, I think they made the best decision under these circumstances.



You know, The HoInMo wrote an interesting post about Jamie Lee Curtis. Apparently, Ms. Curtis thinks that most people watch reality television for all the wrong reasons. Well, I have no evidence to refute her claims. However, I do believe that there are many television viewers (like me) who watch various reality shows and support their favorite contestants for all the right reasons. Miss Xaxa had her papi chulo, and I will always have the lovely Camille. I’d like to end this post on a positive note. Camille offered the following parting words to the remaining cheftestants,

I just want to say, you guys are so brilliantly talented. And I want you to rock hard!

Thanks, Camille. And I just want to say that you rock! Hasta luego, mi amor.

Long Live Meatloaf (Top Chef 3, Episode 3)

For some strange reason, I experienced something akin to separation anxiety as I watched this episode of Top Chef 3. Where was Gail? Oh, that’s right—she and Ted Allen can never be in the same place at the same time. Interesting. Now, don’t get me wrong; nothing makes me happier than seeing Ted Allen on television. I just kind of miss having Gail around.



Anyway, the elimination challenge for this episode of Top Chef was all about updating classic American favorites into modern meals that are lower in cholesterol. Hung complained that these dishes were nothing like the family meals he grew up eating; all the classic American dishes looked disgusting to him. Well, no one really cared. In fact, with each passing episode, it’s becoming increasingly clear that most of the cheftestants aren’t too happy with Hung, the self-proclaimed CPA (certified professional asshole). However, as Eric3000 has pointed out, Hung isn’t a very successful asshole.



Actually, most of his vitriol is directed at the camera and defenseless Crustaceans. What did that crawfish ever do to him? Honestly, I suspect Hung is a big wuss. He had a chance to unleash his fury during episode 2 when Joey kept complaining that Hung had stolen one of his ideas. So, what did the self-proclaimed CPA do? Did he show Joey what a real asshole is made of? No. Instead, he danced around like a confused Ahslee Simpson and giggled like a school girl. Even CJ’s lone testicle is bigger than Hung’s pair. Actually, whether or not Hung should be considered an asshole depends on who you ask. If you ask one of the cheftestants, they’d probably say that Hung isn’t an asshole; he’s just an annoying guy. On the other hand, if you ask some random marine organism, they may agree that Hung is the biggest asshole on the planet.



So, on behalf of Pepe, the King Prawn, and all marine organisms, I’d like to say,

You’re an asshole, Hung. I’m sure that makes you very happy, you bastard.

Anyway, in this episode, Micah hit a very low note with her meatloaf, while Howie hit a home run with his perfect pork chops. Poor, Micah. Apparently, her meatloaf tasted like crap, but she also managed to get under guest judge Alfred Portale’s skin by saying, “Americans like to put ketchup on . . . [meatloaf]” Somehow, Alfred detected a little attitude in her voice. Honestly, I didn’t detect any attitude. She was just making a comment. Now, Elia’s comment about American cheese was full of attitude. But that’s in the past; let’s move on.



Maybe Micah’s biggest sin was not respecting a plate that is truly American. My beloved Ted Allen said the following of Meatloaf,

My friends, meatloaf is Elvis! Meatloaf is ingenuity and spirit, the American housewife’s answer to scarcity in times of war and poverty! Meatloaf is the culinary expression of Rosie-the-Riveter’s determination . . . Meatloaf is America! There is honor in meatloaf!

God, I love Ted. And that passage makes me miss my grandmother’s meatloaf. Oh, and his words are perfect because Independence Day is just around the corner. Long live meatloaf!

So, not surprisingly, Micah was sent home. CJ’s dish was poorly executed, whereas Hung’s dish was well executed, I think. Brian pissed off Tom. Lobster wasn’t a good idea; this guy is turning out to be a one-trick pony. Lia didn’t even try, and she was expressionless when confronted by the judges. Seriously, she was almost sent home but she didn’t even blink. Camille made tacos, of course, and she’s one spicy Latina. Love her!

Dale’s chicken and dumplings dish was very impressive—a true reinvention. At first, I thought he was a goner. He used Instant mash potatoes for his dish. Well, the guy knew what he was doing, and Bravo just loves to mess with our heads. So, great job, Dale!



However, Howie stole the show. His pork chops looked delicious and everyone loved it. Interestingly, I’d say he’s just as unpredictable as Micah. His and Micah’s dishes are usually hits or misses. And that’s not good. I’m rooting for Howie, but he needs to prove himself. This was a great start.



By the way, I’ve got my eye on Brian. How’d that happen, you must be wondering? Well, seeing him shirtless did the trick and he’s also quite charismatic. Don’t worry, Ted. I still love you more. And there’s no harm in looking. Right?

Eels, Fried Toes, and A False Testicle

Ah, Miami, so full of color, beautiful people, Latin rhythms, and all sorts of great stuff.



Yeah, I was all smiles as I sat on my sofa watching Top Chef on Wednesday. Well, the fine folks at Bravo somehow managed to change all of that. In fact, the show had a weird, negative vibe to it. Seriously, I started off with a smile on my face, but as soon as the show ended, I felt like I needed a hug (and some serious emotional support). Here are a few of things that made the show a tad weird/depressing:





The show started off with the cheftestants mingling in a room at Casa Casuarina, Gianni Versace’s former mansion. As soon as I found that out, my heart sank to the floor. Now, there’s nothing wrong with the place; it’s quite lovely. I’m talking about being reminded of Gianni’s untimely death. Yeah, what a sad story. Gianni was a great designer, and his life was cut short by some deranged killer. But, ok, we got to see clips of the mansion; so, that was nice. The Gianni thing made me a little less cheerful, but it was nothing major.


Then, we meet CJ, one of the cheftestants, and we learn a little more about him. Apparently, he’s a private chef and went that route because he was diagnosed with . . . cancer. And he has a false testicle. Fortunately, he’s in remission and seems to be doing just fine. However, things seemed to be getting more depressing by the minute. A few minutes earlier, I was reminded of Gianni Versace, and then I was reminded of a terrible disease like cancer; all of this within the first 10 minutes of the show. But I was fine, a lot less cheerful than before, but still fine.


After a less than impressive performance in the quickfire challenge, Clay, the Southern boy, talked about his father who was, according to Clay himself, a great chef. He wanted to make his father proud by winning the title of Top Chef. To be honest, I’m a sucker for that sort of thing. Then, Clay dropped the bomb—his father committed suicide. Talk about depressing, and if I had to guess, I'd say his father suffered from depression. It didn’t help that the camera kept following Clay around; I just knew this kid wasn’t going to last much longer. Ok, so the bad stuff just keeps getting worse: sad memories (Gianni’s death), cancer, suicide, and a Southern boy with an impossible dream. Could it get any worse?

Well, it didn’t get worse, but it certainly got . . . more interesting? The elimination challenge was something out of an Indiana Jones movie. Remember that one scene where a group of people are at a dinner table that’s embellished with snakes and even a monkey’s head at the center of the table. Ok, it wasn’t that bad; there wasn’t a monkey’s head in this episode of Top Chef, but I’m sure the producers thought about it. Anyway, for the elimination challenge, the cheftestants were asked to create a surf and turf entrée using proteins that most Americans would never even think of eating—snake, alligator, eel, and so on. I’ll stick with lobster and steak, thank you very much. I thought it was an interesting challenge, but that table looked like something straight out of Fear Factor. Seriously, I was expecting Joe Rogan to appear out of the blue. So, now, in addition to depressing memories, cancer, suicide, a Southern boy with an impossible dream, we add a whole table full of unappetizing raw proteins.

Ok, so maybe I was being a little too sensitive. The show wasn't that depressing. However, things in Bravo TV land have been quite depressing lately. Doug (Workout Season 2) passed away a few months ago, and that was sad. Kathy Griffin ended a bad marriage a few months ago, and we all know that her father died recently. I’m sorry, Bravo, but this is just too much. I’m not going to stop watching Bravo reality television; that was never an option, really. But I can only handle so much sadness and misery.

Fortunately, this episode of Top Chef wasn’t all sad memories and bad stuff. A lot of great and interesting stuff happened, too. And, there wasn't too much drama, which is usually a good thing. Right? It was all about the food.


Tom Colicchio never disappoints. As soon as he walked into that room at the Casa Casuarina, he summoned the cheftestants to gather around him like little school children eagerly awaiting instruction from a teacher. He reminded them that he is the head judge, which all of us know by now. Thanks for the reminder, Tom. You know, I’ve often wondered how many calories he consumes every season. Now, I love Tom; I really do. The guy is all man and he knows it. In fact, he adds some much needed masculinity to Bravo reality television. But Tom really needs to go to Los Angeles and get involved in Jackie Warner’s SkyLab project. We like our reality TV stars to be fit and trim. And standing next to Padma doesn’t make him look any better. Yeah, we’re shallow when it comes to that sort of thing.


Holy stereotypes! That’s all I can say. Clay, the Southern Boy with an impossible dream, brought his Southern charm, or whatever it is you want to call it, to the show. The best part was hearing him say, “I’m from Mississippi; pick it up and eat that son of a bitch. That’s the way I see it!” I’m sure his Southern drawl drove many Bravo viewers crazy. Some have probably never met a real, honest-to-goodness Southern boy. And, of course, what show would be complete without the stereotypical Italian-American. I must say, Joey wore his Italia shirt with pride. I suspect he doesn’t speak a word of Italian, but, hey, that’s none of my business. My favorite Joey moment was hearing him say, “I’m the biggest baddest mother fucker here, and I’m from New York. I came to kick ass.” Well said, Joey. Let’s hope you can live up to the hype.


And how lovely are the ladies this season? Ok, I left Sandee out. I’m sure she’s lovely in her own way, but she’s no match for Camille. I also like Sarah N. and Casey. Anyway, let’s hope these girls can really cook. Oh, I just noticed that I left out Lia; she’s also lovely. Sorry! However, the woman who really stood out this week was Micah. She’s one to watch. Of course, it’s too early to tell who the favorites are. But, honestly, I hope this year’s winner has two X chromosomes.


Hung! First, please get those dirty thoughts out of your head. Anyway, Hung is one confident (and obnoxious) man, almost as confident as his buddy Marcel. I can’t tell you how excited I am to have someone like Hung on the show. What would reality television be with the drama queen/instigator? Also, it appears that Hung is a pretty good chef. He certainly impressed guest judge Anthony Bourdain. It’s been suggested that Hung is this season’s gay villain. Please note that, according to Charlus, you don’t actually have to be gay to be the gay villain. And that actually makes a lot of sense.


So, the show ended with no real surprises. Tre won the elimination challenge and redeemed himself in the eyes of the judges. Hung came in a very close second. According to the judges, Tre’s dish (shown below) was very well executed, while Hung’s dish was excellent but lacked a little color.


There were some unforgettable moments. I loved Padma’s comment about how you could fry anything—even her toe—and it would taste good. Tom got a kick out of that comment. Anthony brought some fun to the table. He insulted the people of Cambodia and made a few snarky comments.

And, sadly, the Southern boy with an impossible dream was asked to pack his knives and go home. By then, I had already hit rock bottom; this just broke my heart even more. Thanks, Bravo! :( You know, clinical research has shown that depression in parents increases the risk of depression in their children. Suddenly, it seems like a bad idea to send Clay back home with a bunch of knives. We’ll miss you, Clay. Hang in there, partner!



For more Top Chef fun, please visit Blogging Top Chef.

All About Ted Allen

My heart rate increases every time I hear the name Ted Allen. Ted, as most of you should know, is a member of the Fab 5. He was the food and wine connoisseur. Before joining the institution that is Bravo Reality Television, he was a contributing editor to Esquire magazine. He’s also a successful writer and food critic. This man can do it all.



I’m not going to lie; Ted is hands down my favorite of the 5 Fab. I actually like four of them and . . . tolerate the other one. Let me explain. Kyan Douglas is the hottie of the group, and you all know how I feel about attractive men. Come on. He’s the health and beauty expert. And that raises a few interesting questions. Why wasn’t he invited to participate in Shear Genius? Why did they have to import a queer from Denmark (i.e., Rene)? Seriously, Rene struggled to deliver his lines and some have suggested that he has a speech impediment. Now, I’m not complaining. Rene was fun to look at. However, I’m sure Kyan would have saved the production team a lot of time and money. Also, to be honest, Kyan is more my type than Rene, which is totally irrelevant because Bravo doesn’t create shows specifically for me. I was just sayin’. I also find it interesting that they never invited Jonathan Antin to be a guest anything on Shear Genius. That would have made me very happy.

Do I even need to tell you all that Carson Kressley was the best thing about Queer Eye? I think that’s a given. This man is comedic gold. The show would have been so boring without him. Thom Filicia was the interior design specialist. He seems like a nice guy, but he never really wowed me in any way. He was just there doing his thing, which is cool. I like him, just not as much as I like the other three. So, now we’re down to the last man—Jai Rodriguez. Apparently, he was the “culture vulture,” a cultural expert of sorts. Whatever. I’m sure he’s a very talented actor. However, I would have preferred a more cultured individual. Seriously, they couldn’t find someone a little more qualified? Is there a shortage of cultured gay men in New York City or other major U.S. cities? How about Copenhagen? Maybe they should have just asked Ted to wear two hats on the show—culinary expert and cultural know-it-all. I’m convinced that Ted can do anything. Now, to be fair, I’m sure some people love Jai, and the producers probably saw something special in him. Why else did they even consider him in the first place? I was just never crazy about him, and I've explained why. Sorry, I’m just being honest here.

Now, let’s get back to the task at hand: praising Ted Allen. Yes, this blog is officially in love with Ted. He’s just a great representative of the modern gay man in this country—cultured, sophisticated, intelligent, and so on. That’s not to say that he’s the best (and only) representative. The gay community is very diverse, and everyone has a purpose and contributes something, but I just adore Ted Allen.




Fortunately, Ted is one of the judges on Bravo’s hit reality show Top Chef Season 3. Ted will join Tom, Padma, and Gail. And that just makes me so happy. We’ll get to see Ted every Wednesday. Thank goodness for Bravo. Also, if you’re a fan of Top Chef and/or Ted Allen, I encourage you to visit three very cool blogs: Dishin’ Dat, Blogging Top Chef, and Top Chef 2: They Cook, We Dish. These blogs will provide you with recaps, commentary, and lots of bitchery. It’s wonderful.

I guess you could consider this my first Top Chef 3 post. Yes, I’ll be blogging about this great show at least once a week. I won’t be doing full recaps, just commentary on various aspects of the show. I may dedicate a few posts to the magnificent Ted Allen. Hey, someone had to replace Tabs and Sally. And Ted is that someone!

A Message From Sam Talbot . . .

. . . for the season 3 chefs.

Whatever you do; do NOT read the blogs. I repeat; do NOT read the blogs!

Sam, your words will probably fall on deaf ears. The first thing these young, eager chefs will do is run to their computers and google Top Chef Season 3. And those kids are in for a real treat. Let the bitchery begin.

Team Biatch 1: http://bloggingtopchef.blogspot.com/index.html
Team Biatch 2: http://www.amuse-biatch.blogspot.com/