The L33t Squad!

Just in case anyone had forgotten we're losers, I have some momentous news to impart. Myself and Marc have recently attained the exalted heights of level 60 in World of Warcraft (the highest level currently attainable) and have indeed become in Paul's words, "Gaming Gods".


Marc's Character - Usna the Cow Warrior

What does all this mean? Well, absolutely fuck all to the vast majority of you but in effect it means that we can now waste our time doing exciting things that those who are not level 60, cannot.


My cool Orcish Warlock, Dorchas

Ronan - get your finger out! Join the l33ts!

I want that one

I went along to the bike show in the RDS again this year. I have not used my bike all winter as I need the car for work now but the bike show is great. I've got loads of bargains there over the years, be it gear or gadgets and there is always something to see. This year I just went along to tease myself and daydream about actually buying a new bike. As usual my fist port of call was to find the pick 'n mix sweets vendor and get me a bag of fudgey sugar lumps and then amble around looking at all the super bikes and nick knacks.

Some higlights....


The KTM. I never used to like the offroad type bikes but ever since I watched Ewan McGregor and his buddy ride mostly around the world on their show "The Long Way Round" I want one. A bike capable of taking you over to Mongolia is perfect for popping down to the newsagent to get the sunday papers. A bumpy ride this one but pant loads of fun I'd imagine.


Oh the Ducati... The most stylish bikes you will find. Everything on this bike is manicured and carefully thought out. Surely its every boys dream to have a red ducati. Nothing better for blasting around the country on a summers day. You would be guaranteed a fantastic sound from this engine too which would have you with a 12 hour grin.




Custom Bikes.

Low down dirty crusiers. I suppose American Chopper is making custom bikes more popular here but there is a long way to go. The appeal of the custom bike is the fact that its individual. You can customise it if you want or just leave all that shiny chrome as it is. These bikes also sound great and are perfect for crusing down the motorway. Not great in the cold though. I used to have a little 250 crusier starting off. To me at the time it was as good as a harley. (That lasted 3 months).
I'd love a harley now.

If I had stacks of cash what would I buy? I've have a tough choice but it would have to be a BMW GS1500gs Adventure or maybe a Ducati.

Hooray for the bike show!

Altered Reality

There's no doubt about it but that we are in the Last Days of Western Civilisation. The proof for this is simple - Reality TV. We appear to have become so jaded as a society that only the most exploitative and manipulative forms of entertainment seem to satisfy.

A case in point is The Swan. This show takes two 'ugly' women and using a combination of plastic surgery, 'life coaching' (whatever the fuck that may be), fitness training and therapy transforms them from the 'ugly ducklings' they once were into 'beautiful swans'. They are sequestered from their families for six to eight weeks and are not allowed mirrors or reflective surfaces (in fact they don't get to see a reflection of any kind during the course of their treatment). Presumably, this is to increase the shock factor when they finally see themselves 'revealed'.


A Swan contestant yesterday.

The one who has impressed the judges the most by the totality of her transformation, gets to enter The Swan Pageant, a bizarre beauty contest held as end of series finale. The hopefuls are not judged on their beauty as such (or their ability to recite stupid poems, dance a jig, save the world etc.) but rather on their 'not ugliness'.


An Ugly Duckling the day before.

It's incredibly exploitative and preys on people who's circumstances make them all the more vulnerable.

"This is Stacey. Her husband has just run off with the next door neighbour. She was recently diagnosed with chronic halitosis, has been excommunicated and lost a leg. To top it all off, she's really, really, fucking ugly."

This is usually accompanied by mournful piano music and followed by Stacey sobbing something like, 'Ahm tahrd uh been uglee. I jus wan be a Swaaan.'

Anyway, offensive as this may be it pales into nothingness when compared with the ABC network's latest foray into bad taste.

Here's the tagline -

"When a person's life is on the line and doctors insist that nothing more can be done, it's time to turn to the Miracle Workers!"

The only conditions of entry are that you must have a rare disorder, have been offered little hope by doctors and be too poor to afford 'elite medical care'.

Is this really what passes for entertainment these days? It's exploitation of an extremely vulnerable and underprivileged group in return for ratings - nothing more? The hackneyed defence that shows like these 'really help people' just doesn't wash in this case. It's cynicism pure and simple.

I'm just waiting for Naked Crippled HIV Dwarves And The Circus of Death. It's only a matter of time.

A Brush With Death

A old lady who lived opposite us on the Piazza died the other day. She was a nice person and always had time for the kids and as she was quite well known to them, we thought we'd better explain a little about death. They've asked before - where's my father, Yvonne's mother and that sort of thing - but they've never actually known anyone who's died. They seemed to grasp the concept well enough - insofar as five-year olds can anyway, and Jacob was fascinated by the whole concept.

Jacob - So, if you can't see dead people does that mean they're invisible?

Me - Well, yeah I suppose so.

Jacob - So they have powers? Like Spiderman and the Power Rangers?

Me - No, no son - not powers like that.

Jacob - How come they can go invisible then?

Isabel - If everyone dies, does that mean that you and Mammy will too?

Me - Emmmmmm... You'd better ask Mam that one.

Anyway, we attended the funeral and after mass everyone gathered on the piazza outside the church for the procession to the cemetery. As the priest left the church followed by the pall-bearers and the coffin a hush fell over the crowd. Absolute silence reigned. It was into this silence, that Jacob struck. Frustrated at not being able to see over the heads of those in front, he tugged my hand and bellowed -

"Daddy? Hey Dad? Where's the dead guy?"

We're expecting to be burned out any night now.

Down with unreliable people! And that sort of thing!

Bob & Colum out! I recoiled in shock when I saw the text on my screen. Cold. Stark. Jus'like'tha. Bob & Colum Out! "Who would say such a thing?" I thought aloud. "Who could cause such hurt to such lovely people?" I thought aloud again. "Posted by Ronan" the screen said. Surely not Ronan the layabout-good for nothing-retired early-dialatiler-sit around on my lardy hole all day doing nothing except watch my wife prepare my dinner-Ronan, I thought to myself.

But it was he.

I was hurt at first, but I got me to thinking. And I realised that he's right. I can't speak for Colum, but I suppose that I have proved to be a tad unreliable when it comes to posting, and if being unreliable is a sin then I'm guilty as charged, your Lardship. So throw me out by all means. As Karl Marx (or perhaps it was one of his comedic brothers) once quipped, to no one in particular, "I wouldn't want to be a member of any club that wanted me as a member" or words to that effect.

I would like to apologise to you all - but to Ronan in particular - for being so unreliable. I know what a pain in the arse in can be to have a friend or brother who constantly promises but rarely delivers. Mea culpa. I would have apologised to you in person, Lardy Boy, when you came to Rocca Raso for our two days skiing together, but you never turned up, did you? No apology, no word, no elaborate excuse, just silence. At least in the olden days you had the good grace to make up stories about peoples heads falling off and all that. But nowadays, just silence.

Silence.

Down with unreliable people. Down with this sort of thing! Bobby & Colum Out? Don't make me laff.