Web Home of Dave Mausner

World Barely Observes Father’s Day!

Hardly any children participate!

Dave and brother-in-law Dean mull their chances of being remembered on Father’s Day 2008. Even though they have been good fathers, none of their offspring were present at the sad, boring event. Both later died in each other’s arms.

In order to have some fun without her clinging, depressing husband, Gale (C) enjoys the companionship and conviviality of fabulous young babe-friends Shira (L) and Aviva (R), somewhere else.

Here, mothers Lita (L), Gale (C), and Debbie (R) conspire to play practical jokes on the fathers and make them feel even more discouraged. In this photo, they are planning to tell the men lunch is ready, but actually will board a plane for Vegas.

What a great finish to a pathetic Dad’s Day! Dean and Dave went out into the back yard and dynamited Lita’s washing machine. It blowed up real good.

We am So Happy to eats Beef!

New signage meets rigorous Oak Park standards!

We is glad to welcomes Wendy’s restaurant. Italian beef are our favorite for Breakfast. Nuff said.

Holiday Completely Ruined by Dumb Sign!

Memorial Day Bar-B-Que Upsets Zemel-Mausner Party!

Milwaukee was in an uproar and Memorial Day cook-outs were a shambles as families groped with the poor grammar used by Wendy’s restaurant chain. Dave’s brother-in-law Dean (C) demonstrates for his wife Debbie (L) and his Uncle Albert (R) that he has no wish to go on living in an illiterate food-service world. And how can you blame him?

Dave (R) and his wife Gale (L) and large son Max (C) seem to be moronically unaware of the deepening gloom robbing them of joy and contentment as thousands across the Midwest suffer from subject-verb disagreement.

Dave is wearing a stylish, if utterly bland, T-shirt advertisement for Bike the Drive, a 30-mile sprint to avoid high-speed road grading equipment, held that very morning.

Dave’s Dad Enjoys 70th Penn Reunion!

Dave met his mom and dad in Philadelphia for Milt’s 70th class reunion (C’38) at the University of Pennsylvania. Since that’s where Dvorit works, grandparents, father, and grand-daughter enjoyed a reunion of their own. Milt was the first and oldest alumnus in the Old Guard Parade. He admitted later that the whole day, with its perfect weather, was a blast.

Dave with his mom and dad at the Old Guard luncheon tent.

A nice close-up of Claire and Milt, at the Class of 1938 table.

Here, Milt takes his place at the front of the Old Guard Parade with his 1938 sign.
He was unable to recall if the slogan was ever actually uttered by any members of his class.

Dvorit was in charge of the tent for this year’s alums, but she popped over to
admire Poppa Milt’s cool sign, which he took home.

Dave Talks Biz Intell at NY Bankers Assoc!

Triumphant tour of Albany!

Dave led a roundtable discussion of business intelligence topics with peers at the New York Bankers Association seminar on risk and technology, at the end of April 2008. After some heapin helpins of scrambled eggs, Dave took a look around Albany.

Dave standing proudly, for no reason, in front of the State University of NY administration building. It is the most impressive structure he could find as a backdrop.

At the other end of State Street, the Capitol of New York. It is pretty impressive, too.

What’s this? A bunch of slum buildings, right across the street from the Capitol! I kid you not! This may be where Ex-Gov. Spitzer picked up gals! I hung around for awhile, but they were all “busy”.

Look Who Dropped In for Passover!

Obama clear favorite at our table!

Family and friends assembled for the 2008 annual reading of the hagaddah and its telling of the story of the Exodus from Egypt. Sam flew in from Boston, Dvorit from Philadelphia, Max took the red-eye from Forest Park. Gale was in charge of the menu, and Dave supervised the liturgy and libretto.

In his haggadic commentary, Dave reminded the assembly that Jeremiah Wright is not his pastor, mainly because he is not a Rabbi, and not even Jewish, as far as anybody knows. But he is goofy.

(L to R) Marlene, Debbie, Dean, Lita, Max, Samuel, Dave, Sam's pal Johnathan, a hidden face, Dvorit, Faye, Nathan, Sarah. Photo by Ellen.

Also attending: Susan and David Axelrod with Gale.

Earth Hour in Chicago!

View the video!

Dave and Gale camped out at the Ashland station on the CTA Green Line on March 29, in order to watch Chicago skyscrapers turn off their lights in honor of Earth Day.

While there’s nothing wrong with the concept, the participation and overall effect in the Loop was pretty anemic, as the video below demonstrates. Other Oak Parkers in attendance, rubes all, were more impressed.

Justice is Served!

Exclusive photos reveal inner workings of jury system!

Dave was jury foreman in the civil case of Walker v. Ewald, Judge Raymond Funderburk presiding in the Circuit Court of Cook County, in mid-March 2008.

Few citizens have been permitted inside the deliberations of a jury, for it is a covert society of humans selected to pass judgement on their fellows. The methods and covenants of this society are closely guarded, and none may speak of the evidence heard, nor the process of deducing the Truth. Until the judge says it’s all right. The photo mosaic below was captured using a camera embedded in Dave’s eye.

After extensive DNA testing, the twelve jurors were hidden in a secret, windowless room, misleadingly marked “JURY”. There, they were instructed by uniformed goons to choose a foreman or face certain deprival of magazines. To break the unremitting tension, Dave observed that there were only eleven coat hooks on the wall for a dozen people. What could this ominous sign portend?

Another juryman spoke, and said: Whoever is unable to hang his or her coat on a hook will be the foreman. The citizens searched the room diligently, and found that Dave had draped his coat over his chair. On this fact, they raised him upon their shoulders and declared, Whatever you will say, we shall do. And so, they found the defendant not responsible, and sent everybody home.

Photo (above) shows the wiseguy, relaxing with his hands behind his head, who came up with the coathook strategy.