A Cucumber is better than a man because...

The average cucumber is at least six inches long.
Cucumbers stay hard for a week.
A cucumber won't tell you that size doesn't count.
Cucumbers don't get too excited.
A cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety.
Cucumbers are easy to pick up.
You can fondle a cucumber in the supermarket,... and know how firm it is before you take one home.
Cucumbers can get away any weekend.
With a cucumber:,... you can get a single room and not have to check in as 'Mrs. Cucumber'.
A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.
You can go to a movie with a cucumber ... and see the movie.
At a drive-in ... you can stay in the front seat.
A cucumber can always wait until you get home.
A cucumber won't eat all the popcorn ... and send you out for Milk Duds.
A cucumber won't drag you to a John Wayne film festival.
A cucumber won't ask:,'Am I the first ?'.
Cucumbers don't care if you're a virgin.
Cucumbers won't tell other cucumbers you're a virgin.
Cucumbers won't tell other cucumbers you're not a virgin.
With cucumbers ... you don't have to be a virgin more than once.
Cucumbers won't write your name and number on the men's room wall.
Cucumbers don't have sex hang-ups.
Cucumbers won't make you wear kinky clothes or go to bed with your boots on.
Cucumbers aren't into:
	- Rope and leather
	- Talking dirty
	- Swinging with fruits and nuts.
You can have as many cucumbers as you can handle.
You only eat a cucumber when you feel like it.
With a cucumber ... you don't have to 'swallow'.
Cucumbers never need a round of applause.
Cucumbers won't ask:
	- "Am I the best ?"
	- "How was it ?"
	- "Did you come ?" 
	- "How many times ?".
Cucumbers aren't jealous of your:
	- Gynecologist
	- Ski instructor
	- Hairdresser.
A cucumber won't want to join your support group.
Cucumbers aren't into meaningful discussions.
Cucumbers won't ask about your last lover ... or speculate about your next.
A cucmber will never make a scene,... because there are other cucumbers in the refrigerator.
A cucumber won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother comes over.
No matter how old you are ... you can always get a fresh cucumber.
Cucumbers can handle rejection.
A cucumber won't pout if you have a headache.
A cucumber won't care what time of month it is.
A cucumber won't want to get it on when your nails are wet.
A cucumber won't give it up for Lent.
With a cucumber ... you never have to say you're sorry.
Cucumbers won't:
	- Leave whisker burns
	- Fall asleep on your chest
	- Drool on the pillow.
A cucumber will never give you a hickey.
Cucumbers can stay up all night,... and they won't make you sleep on the wet spot.
Afterwards a cucumber won't:
	- Want to shake hands and be friends
	- Say: "I'll call you a cab"
	- Tell you he's not the marrying kind
	- Tell you he is the marrying kind
	- Call his mother -  ex-wife -  or therapist
	- Take you to confession.
Cucumbers won't leave you wondering for a month.
A cucumber won't make you go to the drugstore.
Cucumbers won't tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for them.
A cucumber a day keeps the OB-GYN away.
A cucumber won't work your crossword puzzle with ink.
A cucumber isn't allergic to your cat.
With cucumber you don't have to play Florence Nightingale during flu season.
Cucumbers never answer your phone or borrow your car.
A cucumber won't eat all your food or drink all your liquor.
A cucumber won't use your:
	- Toothbrush
	- Roll-on
	- Hairspray.
A cucumber doesn't turn your bathroom into a library.
Cucumbers won't go through your medicine chest.
Cucumbers won't leave dirty shorts on the floor.
A cucumber never forgets to flush the toilet.
A cucumber never flushes the toilet while you're in the shower.
With a cucumber ... the toilet seat is always the way you left it.
Cucumbers don't compare you to a centerfold.
Cucumbers can't count to 'ten'.
Cucumbers won't tell you they liked you better with long hair.
A cucumber will never leave you for:
	- Another woman
	- Another man
	- Another cucumber.
A cucumber will never call and say:,"I have to work late honey" ... and then come home smelling like another cucumber.
A cucumber never:
	- Snaps your bra
	- Pinches your butt
	- Gives you a snuggy.
You always know where your cucumber has been.
A cucumber never has to call 'the wife'.
Cucumbers don't have mid-life crisis.
A cucumber won't leave you for a cheerleader or an ex-nun.
Cucumbers don't play the guitar and try to find themselves.
You won't find out later that your cucumber:
	- Is married
	- Is on penicillin
	- likes you ... but loves your brother.
A cucumber doesn't have softball practice on the day you move.
Cucumbers never tell you what they did on R & R.
A cucumber won't ask for a transfer just when you're up for a promotion.
A cucumber won't wear a leisure suit to your office Christmas party.
Cucumbers don't care if you make more money than they do.
You don't have to wait until half-time to talk to your cucumber.
A cucumber won't leave town on New Year's Eve.
A cucumber won't take you to a disco and dump you for a flashy outfit.
Cucumbers never want to take you home to mom.
A cucumber doesn't care if you always spend your holidays with your family.
A cucumber won't ask to be put through law school.
A cucumber won't tell you he's outgrown you intellectually.
Cucumbers never expect you to have little cucumbers.
Cucumbers don't say:,'Let's keep trying until we have a boy'.
A cucumber won't insist the little cukes be raised:
	- Catholic
	- Jewish
	- Orthodox Vegetarian.
Its easy yo drop a cucumber.
A cucumber will never:
	- Contest a divorce
	- Demand a property settlement
	- Seek custody of anything.
No matter how you slice it ... you can have your cuke and eat it too.