Diary of a MadVole 0815 - Huh? Whazzat? Hey! That hurts! Brett's the one who threw up in your shoes Boss, not me - go yell at the wingnut! Geez... throw an early birthday party for someone and invite all their friends and what thanks do I get? Anyway... he's the one who said that the best parties are the ones that get rousted by the cops. Um... why am I wearing a hula skirt? 0832 - Out to the Promenade for the daily exploration... 0847 - Whadda ya mean, 'replicator access denied'?? I'm not eating Purina Vole Chow again! 0856 - Ah... breakfast of champions. Three large eggs, bacon, a Tequila Sunrise, and a tourist's ankle. Boy did she scream. Damn shame she didn't drop the toast too. 0901 - Whoops, it's the fuzz... time to go. 0906 - They won't find me up here. 0922 - Call of nature... let's test our aim. Splashdown! There's one tourist who's gonna be wet behind the ears for a while. Let's find some more. 0926 - Eeiiieeeeewwww, gross! A Klingon in a pink leisure suit! Disgusting! Gawd, I gotta heav-- wait, wait, wait... he's wearing an eyepatch! Sorry Bard, I almost upchucked on you. Let's drop a creme-filled cocnut on him instead. 0927 - Splashdown! Man, I never seen a coconut splatter like that... musta hit his ridges. 0957 - Serenade Dax with the dirty version of "The Beverly Hillbillies", complete with gestures. Ooooo... she's a good kisser. 1007 - Serenade Bashir with dirty version of "The Brady Bunch", complete with ges-- why's he writing all this down? 1019 - Threaten to harass Quarks customers until he gives me a bowl of peanuts. 1023 - Trip Worf and knock him into a drunken Rigellian freighter captain. 1026 - Help Worf pull his sash out of his ears, claim it was all an accident. 1034 - Trip Worf and knock him into a drunken Bolian. 1049 - Visit Ops. Chew on a scrap cable O'Brien left laying out. 1053 - Whoops, that wasn't scrap... that was a replacement part. Sorry... 1113 - Jump up and grab Kira's ass. 1524 - Wake up from heavy phaser stun. 1545 - Threaten to harass Quarks customers until he gives me a Strawberry daiquiri. 1557 - Piss in the onion dip. 1608 - Whadda ya mean, 'endangering the life of a Newbari'? 1628 - Play tag with Brett up and down the Promenade. 1649 - The floor becomes Odo and he tosses me into the Tub O'Jello. Wish *I* could just fly away. 1652 - Fight off a horny Sebastian and half a dozen Norians. What's with the cream cheese, toots? 1703 - Fight off a horny Lola... hmmm. 1737 - Ahhh... was it good for you too? 1756 - Crawl through the vents with a secret message for the Boss from Cthulhu's Messenger Service. 1845 - Hang around the fringes of a meeting of the EchoMaquis. Phoenix reads his latest filk... not bad, needs spelling help. Is that coffee, or did somebody deep fry Worf's underwear? 1923 - Enjoy the view up the Magess' skirts. 1934 - Damn, I didn't know you could do that with a fireball! 1938 - Soak my butt in a bowl of tomato soup at Quarks. 1941 - Sorry, I didn't know that was someone's dinner. 2054 - Get a terminator to chase me into the raptor pens. 2057 - Take bets on the outcome of the fight. 2144 - The winner - me! 2217 - Visit Fluffy and GrrRrrRr [Thorne]. 2243 - Secretly replace Stevie's chemistry set with new Folger's Crystals. 2256 - Geez... I've never seen an explosion go backwards before. 2323 - Late night at the BrewPub. Buy a drink for the Librarian and he doesn't turn me into a pretzel. 2338 - Why is Cthulhu in the corner trying to get Audrey drunk? 2356 - Eeiiiieeeeeewwww... that's disgusting. Get pictures. 2419 - Send the pictures and holos to Roseanne. 2436 - Play tag with Brett up and down the Promenade. 2459 - Sisko beans me off the head with his baseball. Wish *I* could just fly away... 2512 - Soak my head in a bowl of corn chowder at the Replimat. 2520 - So why's that tourist puking in the corner? 2539 - Jump up and grab Kira's... nah, better not. 2555 - Molest a pair of Dabo girls in a maintenance corridor. 0017 - What, they've never heard the phrase 'bill me' before? 0038 - Kibbitz at the floating poker game. Morn pays me 2000 not to look over his shoulder at his cards. 0047 - Celebrate at Quarks with a bottle of his best tobasco sauce. 0123 - Might as well call it a night... new batch of tourists coming in tomorrow.