NOTICE

Due to budget constraints, the following policies are announced regarding employees on official Laboratory business.  The policies are effective immediately.

Transportation

Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transportation is strictly encouraged.  Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on Laboratory business trips. Bus transportation will be used whenever possible. Airline tickets will only be authorized for purchase in extreme circumstances and the lowest fares will be used.  If, for example, a meetng is scheduled in Seattle but a lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle.

Lodging

All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives or friends while on official business.  If weather permits, public areas such as parks and parking lots should be used for temporary lodging sites.  Bridges may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.

Meals

Expenditures for meals will be limited to the absolute minimum.  It should be noted that certain grocercy store chains such as Kroger and Piggly Wiggly stores often provide free samples of promotional items.  Entire meals can often be obtained in this manner.  Travellers should also become familiar with indigenous roots, berries, and other protein sources available at their destination.  If restaurants must be utilized, travelers should seek establishments offering "all you can eat" salad bars.  This will be especially cost effective for employees traveling together, as a single plate can be used to feed an entire group.  Employees are also encouraged to bring their own food while on Laboratory business.  Cans of tuna fish, Spam, Pork'n'Beans, and Beefaroni can be conveniently consumed at your leisure without the unnecessary bother of heating or other costly preparation.

Entertainment

Entertainment while traveling is strictly discouraged.  If such extravagances are required, others should be encouraged to "pick up the tab." Such action will save the Laboratory money and convince everyone that we are concerned about spending money on useless frivolities.  The hospitality provided to visitors to the Laboratory should be tasteful, yet cost effective.  In lieu of extravagant dinners, a picnic bench will be paces in the parking lot near the dumpster and a garden hose will be made available so that liquid refreshment can be provided for our guests.

Miscellaneous

All employees are encouraged to employ innovative techniques in our team effort to save Laboratory dollers.  One enterprising individual has already suggested that money could be raised dusing airport layover periods which could be used to defray travel costs.  In support of this idea, "red caps" will be issued to all employees prior to departure so that they may earn tips for helping other travelers with their luggage during such periods.  Small plastic roses also will be made available to employees so that sales may be made as time permits.