Austin's Story

I found your site by accident as I was researching why my wife who is the most loving person I know could have transformed into someone who hates me so much.  My wife and I are "high school sweethearts" I have actually known her from Junior High School and we have been together now for 14 years. To speak of the depth of our love for each other would take a very long time.

May 2nd we had the most beautiful little girl. We were even happier.  The beginning of August her mom came to stay with us for a month to assist in her transitioning back to work from maternity. Her mom is very high maintenance and I had noticed that we both were on our best behavior when she came.  My wife was always fussing to make sure that everything was perfect.  This brought great stress in the house.

The first week or so of her mom being there we were still very loving. But things started going down hill soon thereafter.  On Sept 08 my angel and my daughter left. Things have progressively gotten worse. I know that the person I am talking with is not my angel. She is staying with her mom in Texas at the moment she has accused me of being with another woman and in general betraying her and not showing her love.  She says she dosen't feel as though I love her any longer.

Her parents are divorced and I am very close to her father's side of the family. Her dad says she would tell him things like how could I love her when she has gotten so big. Quite honestly for someone who recently had a baby she is absolutely riveting to look at. She has told someone else that she feel scared of me, as though she believes I would hurt her. 

I have come to the bitter understanding that I will not be seeing my daughter for Thanksgiving and potentially Christmas this year, may not even get to see her for her first birthday. I am not angry with my wife, actually I never was as I always felt that she wasn't my wife when this happened. I just never knew what the problem was. Everyone who knows us believes we are the most loving couple they have ever seen. I am constantly told how much our friends wish their relationships were like ours. 

I feel so helpless as she is in Texas and I can't even get to go see her as I am in Boston. Thankfully she is a model mom to our daughter she just hates me and her closer friends and family here. She rarely speaks with her dad.  She stopped speaking with her aunts, cousins, most of her friends etc. She was closest to her sister, I have always been around her sister so we are also very close. She now acts as though she hates her own sister.

I have read about the meds that she could go on and have found mixed results. A lot of people seem to feel that it is best to give her the time and let it pass as though it was a common cold. I cry to sleep ever night how much I miss them. My mom has forced me to leave my house and stay with her. At this point I don't know what to do to help my angel.  I went to the store and got her a card. Despite all the cruel things she has said to me since this has started I find it so easy to love her.

By my estimation she has been under for approx 3-4 months now. It has been closer to 4 months since I heard the dreaded words "I feel as though I am going through changes". I don't know how I am going to make it through this.  I would appreciate any help as I have never known as much pain as I know now. My wife is the closest person in my life. She in every respect is my dearest companion.  

Since she has been gone I haven't slept in our bed and I rarely go to our house. I almost sold it but I am thinking of taking it off the market now. She used to always tell me how much she loved our house.  If she is truly depressed, and I certainly believe that to be the case I wouldn't want her to ask why I sold the house she loved so much.  I greatly need to talk with someone who understands. I have a lot of friends and family who have come to my aid but no one understands.  Many times what they say hurts more than it helps though I know there intentions are good.

One Month Later

I would be more than happy to share my story.  I am still in the struggle but things are slowly getting better with my situation.  I have noticed significant changes over the last month or so.  I have been keeping a journal which I plan to share once this is over and both my wife and I can understand what has taken place.  All I can say now for any father in this situation is that this will test what you are made out of; you will have to find your strength.  For me I imagine that I am the captain of my family and no matter how I may be battered and bruised I MUST navigate us through this.  I have personally come to terms that I am hurt but I have put that aside and decided I would deal with my own pain when my wife is better.  For me I am beginning to see the calm but I know within myself that I have to stay the course until we are truly out of the storm.  My wife and I have been getting a lot closer we are now making plans on reuniting.  As in my previous email we are not yet through the storm but at this point we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

By my estimation we are in month 8 but things are looking very good for us.  She has also promised to talk with a professional once we are physically together.  I am now researching to find a good family counselor that understands postpartum depression.