"Wind Beneath My Wings"
"Wind Beneath My Wings"
How Can I Help My Children?
Checklist for Parents
Do I think of my children as people who have a right to my
respect?
Do I make them feel stupid, inadequate or bad?
Do I humiliate them in front of others? Or do I correct them privately, allowing them to maintain their dignity?
Am I courteous to my child?
Do I habitually yell? Threaten? Nag?
How do I correct my children? Do I attack their character? Call them names? Lose my self-control? Hit them? Make sarcastic remarks? Ridicule them?
Do I jump to conclusions, expecting the worst? Or do I give them a chance to tell their side?
Do I make a big issue over small things?
Do I have the same reaction to major problems as I do to small ones?
Do I let my children know they are important? How do I treat the things they make?
Do I apologize when I am wrong?
Do I set limits on behavior and enforce them?
Do I show my children affection and tell them I love them?
--Taken from Al-Anon pamphlet "How Can I help my Children" (p-9)
A Child's Ten Commandments to Parents
My hands
are small; please don't expect perfection whenever I make a bed, draw a
picture or throw a ball. My legs are short; please slow down so that I can
keep up with you.
My eyes
have not seen the world as yours have; please let me explore safely. Don't
restrict me unnecessarily.
Housework will always be there. I'm only little for a short time, please
take time to explain things to me about this wonderful world and do so
willingly.
My
feelings are tender; please be sensitive to my needs. Don't nag me all day
long. (You wouldn't want to be nagged for your inquisitiveness). Treat me as
you would like to be treated.
I am a
special gift from God; please treasure me as God intended you to do, holding
me accountable for my actions, giving me guidelines to live by and
disciplining me in a loving manner.
I need
your encouragement to grow. Please go easy on the criticism; remember, you
can criticize the things I do without criticizing me.
Please
give me the freedom to make decisions concerning myself. Permit me to fail,
so that I can learn from my mistakes. Then someday I'll be prepared to make
the kinds of decisions that life requires of me.
Please don't do things over for me. Somehow that makes me feel that my efforts
didn't quite measure up to your expectations. I know it's hard, but please
don't try to compare me to my brother or sister.
Please don't be afraid to leave for a weekend together. Kids need vacations from
parents, just as parents need vacations from kids. Besides, it's a great way
to show us kids that your marriage is very special.
Please take me to Sunday School and church or synagogue regularly, setting a good example for me to follow. I enjoy learning more about God.
--Author Unknown
Children Learn What
They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte
Consider Children First
We who really try to use the Al-Anon program have various reasons to be grateful as we see the results. This was one member's experience, which she told her friends at a meeting.
Her greatest difficulty concerned her children. "I never knew what to do about them when my husband came home drunk and disorderly. I felt they should be shielded from violence, yet over-protection wouldn't be good for them. I didn't want to influence them against their father; I knew he loved them, and they him.
"I found all the answers in Al-Anon. I made sensible explanations about their father's illness and found them naturally compassionate. I avoided scenes by not allowing my frustrations to erupt into anger. I tried hard to be consistent and fair to them. The results have been everything I hoped for, and I am so grateful to Al-Anon for this."
Today's Reminder
Our children are a first thing to consider first. Our attitude is the key to a successful family relationship -- and their normal growing up.
"And above all, I never use the
children as pawns in any conflicts.
They respond so well to respect."
--Taken from "One Day At A Time in Al-Anon", p. 179 (June 27)
Observe Our Children
When our problems enclose us and saturate our thoughts, we find ourselves in an isolation that gives us an acute sense of loneliness. We may confide in friends, but underneath we feel nobody understands what we are going through.
Dwelling on our troubles only shuts out a world that is waiting to be enjoyed. Nothing has real power to deprive us of the delights to be found in many daily experiences -- even a routine household task, well done. For those of us who are fortunate enough to have young lives in our care, we can forget our troubles in devoting loving attention to them and their development. Observing our children is like reading a fascinating and often amusing book!
Today's Reminder
I may have big troubles but I can, if I will, make them less painful by turning my thoughts to happier things. I will not isolate myself in my problems. I will observe and enjoy what is good and pleasant in the world around me.
"Let me not deprive myself of the
many little joys that are mine
for the taking."
--Taken from "One Day At A Time in Al-Anon", p. 245 (September 1)
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