Entirely Ready
by Diane Bell
My first few years in Al-Anon were spent living the work of Steps 1 through 5 mostly. I knew how to recite Steps 6 through 12, and I earnestly strived to work them, but they were not a reality in my life. I had memorized the Steps, so that I could recite them by memory whenever I was upset about something I had no control over -- it's a great tool to help change what I'm thinking about. But I always had trouble recalling Steps 6 and 7. When I did manage to remember them, I usually combined them into one step or reversed their order or adulterated them in some other way. I laughingly began to refer to them as the esoteric steps, for there was obviously something about them that was being kept secret from me. Those two steps are:
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Short, simple, and pretty straightforward in their meaning, aren't they? That's what I thought, too! So why on earth couldn't I even memorize them correctly? I had an abundant list of defects and shortcomings ready for immediate removal -- things like being too sensitive, too kind, not tough enough, caring too much about other people, crying too often and too hard. Very specific things that should make it easy to actually begin working on these two steps. But it was all a muddle to me especially when my sponsor kept cautioning me to not throw the baby out with the bath water. Huh? Why would I want to do that? She suggested that I might want to carefully reconsider my character traits list and think about what kind of person I would become if I no longer possessed the traits I was so eager to discard.
It wasn't too hard to figure out that my wish list of unwanted character traits was designed to stop feeling pain and to desensitize my life. I was within a hair's breadth of recreating the person I had been when I started Al-Anon! That thought scared me enough that I began to work on reevaluating each trait on my list. Each one that I found to not be a defect or shortcoming, I had to embrace and accept before moving on. I made it through my entire list without finding one defect to be removed. Just when I was about to begin applauding and cheering the wonderful person I was, my sponsor suggested that perhaps I could then begin to identify what my true defects and shortcomings were. Oh, good grief! First I wasn't all bad, now I couldn't be perfect! Moderation? Middle of the road? Balance? Oh, yeah; now I remember. So off I went again in search of my true defects and shortcomings.
Months went by and I still had not discovered a single defect to put on my list. I had always had such high and noble intentions in everything I did, that I could not get past all that goodness within me. Around that time, my Higher Power orchestrated a lesson for me that was the eye opener of my life and one that I'll never forget. (Continued in More Than Entirely Ready)
© Diane Bell
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