"Dreams" "Dreams"
Higher Power, Editor-in-Chief
by Diane Bell
One of the most widely used tools in a twelve-step recovery program is the daily use of a meditation book. Being an avid reader, it was a tool I latched onto the same night as my first meeting. In fact, I read half of Al-Anon's ODAT (One Day At A Time) by midnight that night! It was far more than I could ever digest in one setting, but I was fascinated by the novel way of thinking. I had never heard anything like it before. For months it was my intellectual exercise to understand the concepts presented each day.
Gradually I began to look for guidance from my Higher Power through the words written on the pages in that book. If you are in a twelve-step recovery program and your book is anything like mine, it's heavily underlined, highlighted, and annotated in the margins. To say nothing of the tiny slips of paper with notes tucked in here and there. It is all my way of keeping track of what HP has revealed to be important for me to remember and learn.
Have you ever opened your book, turned to the day's reading, and discovered a brand new page that you have never seen before? I have. Boy, was I ever confused to find it all mark up in my familiar style even down to the scribbles in the margin that were unmistakably my handwriting! How did they get there? And why? They had no bearing on what the page was about!
I had been in the program about three years the first time this phenomenon happened to me. Being an adult child, I immediately started beating myself up by feeling stupid that I had so totally missed the point when I had read it before. I knew that I would be so much farther along in my recovery if only I had gotten it then! I painfully regretted the time I had wasted. Totally upset with myself, I took my tale of woe to my sponsor. I expected her sage advice to be something like, "Well, you should read it ten times each day and look up any words you don't understand in the dictionary."
I was really surprised when she replied, "Oh yeah. That happens to me all the time, too! HP sneaks into my room at night while I'm sleeping and edits, updates, and rearranges the pages in my book so that it's always fresh and exactly what I need for the day!" I don't know why I was surprised, her humor and cheerfulness is what attracted me to her for sponsorship in the first place! Never failing, her humor helped me realize that I was not stupid, I had merely changed. As for the if only, I already knew the answer. I have to take each step of the journey to get from there to here. It is a process of growth and development that lays the foundation I'll need for my growth and development today.
Reading my book today gives me a double message. The printed page as I presently understand it, and the remembrance of where I've been. All the stages of my growth, development, and spiritual awakening on my journey of recovery are laid out like a well used road map for me to see and appreciate how far I've come. It keeps me ever mindful that recovery is an ongoing process. My gratitude and hope are renewed and I am revitalized each day by the masterful stroke of HP's pen as He edits my ODAT, customizing it to perfectly meet my needs for this new day.
© Diane Bell
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