Betrayal - Chapter 33

 Approaching Fate

Healer Leabe was unspeakably cheerful for someone who was torturing him. He poked and prodded and nodded wisely as if he were pleased with whatever he saw in the saber wound.

Obi-Wan didn't know, didn't want to know. Instead he just wished the man would leave. This day would bring death and destruction to the Jedi or the Sith or both and he was here being tormented by a gleeful Healer who had nothing better to do than jab at him.

Oblivious to the heated glare that Obi-Wan was sending his way, Leabe resealed the bacta-soaked bandages back into place and stood over him and smiled, looking irritatingly self-satisfied. "You are healing nicely, Knight Kenobi. There are some problems with scarring on your left shoulder blade but nothing that will interfere with use of your saber arm as long as you follow the physical therapist's guidelines. And do nothing overly strenuous for several days."

Obi-Wan frowned at that. "Healer, you do know what is going to happen in a few hours, don't you?"

Smile fading, Leabe was acid and ice. "Yes, I've had words with both Master Sle'fey and  Master Xacor. You are in no condition to participate in such an action, and frankly neither is Master Jinn. He is certainly more able to defend himself if need be but you will be too vulnerable in a saber fight." He huffed a bit, saying, "This is madness."

On many levels, Obi-Wan agreed with him. It was indeed madness. But it was also important, more important than the loss of a few lives, even if among those lives lost was Obi-Wan Kenobi. It would be a fair exchange - one Sith Lord for a battered, uncertain, weary Knight.

"Master Jinn will be in more danger." Obi-Wan frowned toward his Master, looking at the Bendu with critical eyes. Although Qui-Gon appeared to be better than he had the previous night, Obi-Wan could see the lines of pain around his mouth and the way he held himself. His Master was up to his old tricks, trying to be stoic in the face of duty. "I want to know what kind of problems we can expect with his injury."

When Qui-Gon opened his mouth to protect, Obi-Wan snapped, "Master, you are hiding your pain and pretending to be fine."

"I am well enough for this, Padawan. Stop hovering like a creche master."

"Don't!" Obi-Wan sent him another frown. "It is better to know exactly what liabilities we face and plan for them than to rush headlong into danger. Ignoring it just increases the risk."

"Well said, Knight Kenobi." Leabe nodded toward Qui-Gon. "As you can see, Master Jinn is no longer on pain medication. While he is feeling some discomfort, his reaction time will not be slowed down because of the drugs." A flick of worry and the Healer walked over to Qui-Gon's bedside and looked down at him. "He will be able to fight with a saber but if he is punched or kicked in the abdomen, it might reopen the wound. Also, the muscles and surrounding scar tissue will likely tear if the fight becomes overly vigorous."

Qui-Gon sat there, looking thunderous. "I am well aware of my injuries and the potential for problems. I'm more concerned about Obi-Wan."

"Knight Kenobi is still on pain medication. Reaction time may be an issue." Shrugging, Leabe looked over his datapad, studying it for just a moment before saying, "Also, his wound was much larger than your own, Master Jinn. We've grafted bone into his shoulder and it's mostly healed but there is a weakness there that might be a problem in a fight. The scars will pull on the muscle groups across his back, making it difficult to swing his saber fully without severe pain. His saber arm is fine but it is the interconnections that will be the liability in this. With time and therapy, it should be back to acceptable levels but we don't have the time, do we?"

Obi-Wan had heard enough. "No, we don't have the time. Healer Leabe, I promise to follow your instructions...," he looked away, out toward the sunlit tower nearby, saying softly, "assuming we survive this."

The despair was still there, clinging to him like a shroud. He had tried to meditate in the last several hours, tried to accept the black corruption that Tharten's death had brought to his spirit and let it go into the Force but serenity still eluded him, hovering just out of reach. Instead, there remained only the weary submission to Jedi duty - ever duty. He would do what was necessary,  no matter the cost to himself,  but at the moment, it seemed a burden almost too heavy to bear.

Leabe must have sensed something, heard the defeat in his voice because he stopped what he was doing, and stared at Obi-Wan. "Promise me you won't do anything foolish."

Qui-Gon looked at Leabe with narrowed eyes and then turned to Obi-Wan. Frowning, thoughtful and looking very concerned, he said carefully, flatly, "I want that promise as well."

"I don't like what you are implying." All at once, Obi-Wan was furious. It was bad enough that he was going into a damn death trap with injuries that made survival remote at best but for them to think he'd deliberately let himself be killed was madness. It was true that he was still struggling with despair, but he would not take the easy way out just to try to escape the dark. He was a Jedi Knight and they should both remember that.

Thoroughly annoyed, he snapped, "I will do what I must." Then glaring at his old mentor, he said, with words distinct and pointed, "Isn't that right,  Master Jinn?"

"Of course and that was an evasion - as you well know, Obi-Wan. I want your word." Qui-Gon was apparently not to going to take no for an answer.

Obi-Wan took a deep breath and let it out slowly. It didn't really matter what he said. They were going up against a Sith Lord. Promises were irrelevant.

"I will not sacrifice myself without cause. As any Jedi Knight would do." A sharp reply and one they could not deny. "And that is all I will say."

Qui-Gon looked as if he were about to argue the point but Leabe nodded. "Of course, Knight Kenobi. Just so. You will forgive me for my concern. I find that patients who have been through significant trauma can sometimes need additional help - beyond that of bacta and bone grafts."

"Thank you, Healer Leabe but I don't think I will be needing that kind of help." Obi-Wan's anger leached away again, leaving him strangely numb. He could not fault the Healer for the suggestion of counseling but it would be better if he dealt with it himself.

Of course, Qui-Gon could not leave it alone. "Obi-Wan, you've been under a great deal of stress and perhaps a Healer...."

"Enough!" Obi-Wan rubbed at his eyes. He was tired and the day was only going to get worse. When he saw the frowns building on the two men, both of them preparing to argue with him until he gave in, he drew back, his voice durasteel. "Qui-Gon, you and Healer Leabe have said quite enough. I will handle it as I see fit. And now if you will excuse me, I want to meditate." 

"Another evasion? It does you no credit, Obi-Wan. I think...."

"You think?" he snapped, scowling at the pair of them. "Master Jinn, must I remind you once again that I'm a Jedi Knight and have been for the past ten damn years? I don't think - I know - that this conversation is at an end."

He turned away, staring up at the Jedi tower rising high just outside the window.  He didn't need to look to know that Leabe and Qui-Gon were sharing frowns again. He also didn't need to be lectured. Obi-Wan knew that he was being completely unreasonable but he didn't have the strength to argue. He just wanted to be left alone - to meditate, to prepare for what was to come, to sink into oblivion if need be.

Something in his words must have penetrated. He could hear the Healer talking softly with Qui-Gon but at least they were not hounding him at the moment. He'd had enough of lectures.

Sinking back into his pillows, ignoring the sounds of conversation, he let his mind empty. He hoped to find purity in the currents of the Force, some idea of what to do in the next few hours, a way to bring down a Sith Lord and survive. But there were only the churning streams of contamination poisoning his efforts.

Finally, he gave up and closed his eyes and tried not to think.

He must have drifted off. When he woke, the shadows on the tower had lengthened and the afternoon sky was turning a softer blue.  Blinking, he saw that Leabe had left, that Qui-Gon must had had a meal - the scatter of plates was evidence enough, and now both his Master and Atel were sitting cross-legged on Qui-Gon's bed, meditating together. 

In another lifetime, it would have given him joy to see the two of them sharing in the Jedi traditions, to see the link between generations united in the Force. As a Learner, Obi-Wan had thought that his Master would have always been there, that once he'd become a knight, Qui-Gon would have acted as a sounding board when the Council got to be overbearing, an old friend willing to tell him that he was being an idiot on occasion, and a Grandmaster spoiling Obi-Wan's apprentices with ridiculous stories of missions and intrigue. Family.

As he sat there, staring at them both, he remembered, too, the knobby-kneed girl who listened wide-eyed to him all those years ago, who had absorbed every lesson and wanted more. But that girl was gone. Now there was only a woman on the brink of Knighthood, a woman who had hurt him and he her, a woman he hardly knew.

There was so much lost, never to be regained.

While he gazed at them both, mourning the loss, Atel took a deep breath and opened her eyes. There was wariness there and it saddened him immeasurably. He'd put that into her, just as much as the fading bruises on her cheek.

Then she blinked and the distrust faded into Jedi calm - another loss that Obi-Wan could not bear to see.

As he turned away, he could hear the rustle of clothing and the soft steps toward his own bed. A gentle hand touched his sleeve and he looked up to see Atel's worried face.

She whispered, "Master, are you all right? Master Jinn and I didn't want to disturb you. You looked exhausted and the Healer thought it would be better to let you sleep."

Glancing over toward Qui-Gon who was still in meditation, Obi-Wan said, "I am well enough."

Atel reached past him and brought up a food tray but he waved it away. The idea of eating made him nauseous.  But she was like a sandpather defending her kit. "Master Obi-Wan, the Healer said that you have to eat something. You'll need your strength." She shoved a nutrient bar into his hand. "At least this."

When he started to protest again, she sent him a look that he'd used on her many times before - whenever she was being too stubborn for her own good. It was exasperation and affection and steely determination all in a single glance. In another lifetime, it would have made him smile.

Now all he did was bite into the bar and chew. It tasted like dust.

She stared down at her hands for a moment, seemed to gather courage and then looked at him again. The determination was still there in her eyes. "Master, I wanted to talk with you before we go to arrest the Supreme Chancellor."

"You shouldn't go, Atel. It's too dangerous."

Shrugging, she gave him a tentative smile. "I know but someone has to protect you. You are always getting into trouble without me around." Then she turned serious. The worry was obvious in the tone of her voice and the gentle way she touched his sleeve. "The Healer made it clear that you were vulnerable. And Master Jinn. The others will be going after the Chancellor."

He frowned, staring down at her fingertips; her small hand lay so stark against the shredded cloth of Jedi failure that it hurt to look. For a moment, silence stretched between them. Then she let go, drawing back and said, "I'll just have to make sure you don't get into trouble."

"Atel, don't." There were so many things he wanted to say to her: that going with them was a mistake, that she was the vulnerable one, that his troubles were not hers. But he also knew that she would not listen. She was as stubborn as he could be at times - when she thought she was right. 

"It wasn't the arrest I wanted to talk about but afterwards." Surprised, he looked up to see her gazing earnestly back at him. "You've said that you were leaving the Jedi. I'd like you to reconsider."

"If it's about your Knighthood...." 

"No, it's not that." Shaking her head, she gave him another tentative smile. "It's true that I would like you to be there, to stand beside me when I've passed the trials, to cut off my braid. It's been my dream from the time I was assigned to you." Atel looked almost shy when she said, "Even before that if you must know. But if you aren't there for the ceremony, I will accept it."

Obi-Wan didn't know what to say. She sounded like a Jedi, a Knight in all but name. It was almost as if she'd grown up before his eyes. The speed of it took his breath away.

He must have made some gesture of protest because she straightened, holding her head high. "Master, I will accept it. I won't be happy about it but if it's what you want, it will be enough."

"Atel, you don't have to stay here. When I leave, you could come with me. To the Bendu." He meant it.

There was a touch of sunburst joy in her eyes but then it faded back into determination. "No, I'm a Jedi, like my Master before me and his Master before him." Atel said, softly,  "It's all I've ever wanted."

It had been his dream as well, to be a Knight, to serve the Force, to bring peace and justice to all - foolish dreams that had vanished into ash.

He could not let her waste her life that way. Sharp, stinging, he said, "I'm not sure there is going to be a Jedi Order after this. If the Chancellor is killed, the Senate will likely blame the Jedi. Even if they don't, Sle'fey will have his paws full with keeping the Order from imploding into chaos. It may not be possible."

Her answer was simple. "Master Sle'fey will need your help."

For a moment, he was speechless. Then he snapped, "You must be joking. Me help that lying son of rsshak slime. I don't think so."

"He'll need someone whose hands are clean, who can see past all the political tricks and keep the Jedi and the Council from straying into the dark again."

"No," he spat out. The idea of helping that lying bastard was so far removed from reality that he was astonished she'd asked.

"Who better than you, Master?" She sounded serious; she sounded as if she meant it.

The persistance of his Padawan was astounding. To keep hounding him to help someone whom he'd obviously detested, to put aside his own feelings of betrayal at Sle'fey's hands for the sake of a dying Order that had done nothing but destroy its members for power, was beyond anything he'd expected from her. It was unacceptable.

But the furious scowl he sent her way didn't stop her from pointing out, "It was you who uncovered Master Tharten's lies, you who found out the name of the Sith Lord without regard to your own safety or health, you who refused to bow down to Zaros or Master Sle'fey or the other Councilors when it would have been easier to do so. They need you."

"They betrayed everything I believed in, used me to get what they wanted, used you as well. And Master Jinn. Why should I help them with anything?" He couldn't keep the contempt out of his voice. "It's better to abandon them and start anew."

"That is your anger talking." It was said softly but with such pain that his reply died unspoken.

It was likely she was right. The anger at the Council, the pain of what they had done to him, to his friends, to the Bendu, to Qui-Gon, was still simmering beneath his skin. Jedi Knight or not, he was still human enough to feel betrayed. But he also had to get beyond it. Otherwise, the dark would consume him utterly.

Taking a deep breath to try and cleanse the fury lurking under his heart, he let it out slowly. Carefully, distinctly, he said, "Atel, I am one lone Knight against a Council that has consistantly been shown to manipulate others for gain, to betray their own for power. They will never listen to me." Another deep breath and he shook his head. "It's impossible."

"Master, I'm not asking that you decide now. But think about it." She rested her hand on his arm again, gently, gently as she asked, "Please?"

Obi-Wan bowed his head for a moment. "Atel.... I will consider it." But it was more to placate her than anything else. Remaining a Jedi with that lying Bothan in charge was impossible. If Sle'fey won - improbable as it seemed, then it would be likely he'd start turning that devious mind of his toward control of the Jedi Order. And Obi-Wan could not be a part of that, no matter how many promises Sle'fey made.

He did not want to think about it any more. Instead he said, "If nothing else, I will try to be there for your Knighting ceremony. I'm sure the Bendu would be able to spare me for a few days."

"I would like that." She seemed to understand that now was not the time to press the point further. There was a tentative half-smile on her face as she said, "Try, Master? I thought it was 'Do or do not. There is no try'."

"Ah, that was one of Master Yoda's sayings." He was grateful for the change of subject. "His wisdom was legendary. But he could also be one of the most mischevious beings I'd ever known."

"I remember him. He used to visit the creche and I was in his lightsaber class for a time. All the younglings were sorry when he left. I wonder where he is now."

Qui-Gon's soft voice startled them both. "With the Bendu, Padawan."

Obi-Wan had been so intent on talking to his Padawan about the ridiculous notion of staying with the Jedi that he hadn't realized that Qui-Gon had been quietly listening to their conversation.

"Was he on Naboo? I would have liked to...."

But before he could say anything else, their Knight sentry, Asaf Derst, swept into the room. "Master Jinn, Knight Kenobi, Padawan Sl'etah, it's time to leave. Masters Sle'fey and Xacor and the others will be waiting for you at the shuttle. I've come to escort you there."

The endpoint in a long game of corruption, a final confrontation between Jedi and Sith and it should have brought him a kind of relief that it would soon be over. Instead, all Obi-Wan could feel was his own emotions polluting the Force. He wasn't ready to face the darkness. He needed time to find his balance again, time to let go of the anger poisoning him but there was no time left, no time at all.

With Atel hovering over him, he pulled on his belt, and grabbed his saber. Qui-Gon was up and waiting for him by the door. Already feeling the effects of a lower pain dosage and injuries still not healed, Obi-Wan said sourly, "We wouldn't want to keep the Chancellor waiting."

"Of course, Knight Kenobi. Right this way." The guard gestured with one hand, bowing slightly as if leading a tour group, making it look like they were all going for an afternoon of tea and company. It took all of Obi-Wan's strength not to snap at him.

But when he looked into Derst's eyes, he realized that the man knew what was about to happen. There was fear there but there was also determination.

They were going to try and capture a Sith Lord.

Obi-Wan had a very bad feeling about this.

To Chapter 34