Betrayal - Chapter 3

 Past Lives

The briefing, if it could be called that, lasted another grueling two hours. Aside from the cutting, snide comments of Master Jinn's unworthiness and roguish behavior from Council member Veendo and admonishments on maintaining proper 'Standards of Behavior' at all times from Master Tharten, Kenth Zaros had gone into inordinate length condemning Qui-Gon Jinn's current activities. But there was little real information about those activities. In the end, the Bothan Master, Sle'fey, carelessly tossed him a datapad with a terse command to read it. Obi-Wan was seething by the time it was done.

After the Council Chamber doors slid closed behind them, Obi-Wan and his Padawan made their slow way towards the turbolift. He may have been tired but the boiling adrenalin was coursing through his veins now and he needed to... to break something very large and very expensive, preferably something that made a great deal of noise when it shattered.

His young apprentice kept glancing at him and shaking her head in dismay. She spoke softly, "Well, that was fun." Atel gave him a shy, quirky smile and he sensed that she was trying unsuccessfully to divert him from his anger. He wasn't willing to give it up just yet.

A little furrow line marked his brow, the frown only pulling in the painful effects of the last few hours. He closed his eyes for a moment, breathing deeply, trying unsuccessfully to stave off the exhaustion. The fury, too, remained, swirling in his braincase like some hungry beast, steel claws tightening their ferocious grip. An intense headache blossomed suddenly, agony shooting across his eyes, arching around and down to the base of his skull. He moved his shoulders in a futile attempt to release the stress and tension to no avail.

It had not been a good day.

He rubbed his eyes slightly, in one last attempt to push the pain aside and then, gesturing towards the turbolifts, he told his weary Padawan. "I need to walk for a while. You go back to our quarters and get some rest. I'll be along shortly."

But Atel had other ideas. With quick, feline grace, she moved closer and touched his worn sleeve. "Master, I must respectfully disagree. The last thing you need right now is exercise." He glared at her for a long moment. "You know we're both exhausted. Come back with me. Rest." She grinned slyly. "I'll make you a nice cup of tea."

Obi-Wan snorted at that. Tea would not relieve his concerns or that blasted fury lingering behind the pain. He needed to walk - no, run as far and as fast as he was able - needed to do something to lash out at the incredible injustice of it all. But he could not, would not. That's not what a Jedi Knight would do. He smiled slightly at his concerned apprentice, her brown eyes searching his face.

"Padawan, I truly appreciate your concern but I must do this, to think about what just went on in the Council chambers. You can go back to our quarters if you wish or you can come with me. Your choice."

"My place is by your side, Master."

Her words seemed to echo forever in the darkening hallway. Another Padawan had said those very words to his Master and meant them, meant them then and meant them now. Obi-Wan blinked away sudden tears. Ten years. Ten years since I last saw Qui-Gon? How is that possible? I should have tried harder to contact him. I should have made sure he was all right. Will he understand the circumstances? Do I? Do I have enough courage to look my Master in the face after a decade with that shame? Growling, he slammed down hard on his thoughts. Now was not the time for this. When he saw Qui-Gon Jinn again, there would be moments enough for regrets and apologies.

"Come then."

With one last longing look at the lone working  turbolift, Atel sighed lightly and fell into step beside her weary Master. They turned as one towards the stairs and began the long, slow descent towards the living quarters.

As their footfalls echoed into the hollow depths of the deserted stairwell, Obi-Wan pulled at his ragged cloak and tried to ignore the neglect. It seemed chill here and dark, the dusky space strobing with dim light as the glowlamps flickered randomly. The litter of time hung in forgotten corners, paint peeling in places, the railing worn and in need of repair. They had both seen better kept dungeons.

The constant twists and turns of the stairs seemed to give him comfort, though. Obi-Wan's pain lessened as his body remembered to step ever downward, concentrating on soothing movement rather than the intolerable tension of that ghastly meeting. He felt more at ease, centered, accepting that the future may hold trials and problems but this moment was for living.

At last, when they reached the residential level, when they finally sprung from that dim place, Obi-Wan seemed preoccupied. He stopped, looking about him. Chuckling slightly and startling his puzzled apprentice, he gestured toward the stairwell and its battered durasteel door.

"I remember this place so well. Did you know that I met my Master for the first time by that door? Or rather the door met him..."

Her brown eyes grew wide as Obi-Wan reached with one hand and caressed the ancient metal, gently following the lines of misuse with his fingers. "We, Garen and I, were trouble-makers even then. I couldn't have been more than seven or eight, devious as sin and bent on breaking every rule at the Temple."

He gave a quick, warm laugh. "I had bet Garen that I could race all the way down from the Council Chambers faster than the turbolifts. He was skeptical, of course but accepted the wager. What he didn't realize was that I had pressed the buttons for every floor as I raced away, running headlong down these very stairs. I would have made it, too, if a certain Jedi Master hadn't gotten in the way." He laughed again. "I don't know who was more surprised, Qui-Gon or me."

Shaking his head, his grin widened. "You should have seen him, the staid Jedi Master flat on the floor, hair wild, his blue eyes smoky with anger. And me, sprawled on top. I'd tripped on his legs, of course. Once he collected himself, he grabbed me as quick as lightening, holding me by the scruff of my tunic, bending down to see what hooligan had dared pull a fast one."

"I was terrified. He was renowned, a brilliant swordsman, said to be the best in living memory and I was just a stupid kid who had gotten caught. I expected to be scrubbing the Temple floors from here to the top of the tower but he surprised me." Obi-Wan's face was relaxed, his eyes alight with remembrance. "Qui-Gon stared at my face for a moment, then looked at the door and I knew somehow that he had figured out what I had done. Just then, Garen raced up and began to berate me for cheating, never noticing that a Master still held my tunic. And, his eyes, my Master's eyes, grew bright with mischief as he looked at us, quarreling, making accusation and counter-accusation. I couldn't believe it when Qui-Gon began to laugh. Stopped us both cold.  In the end, we were all laughing and then he let us go. Last thing I remember about that day was peering back at Qui-Gon as he walked away, chuckling and shaking his head."

Obi-Wan's face grew still. "That was before Xan's fall, of course, when he was still happy. It took me a long time to help him bury those demons but that day, I made him laugh." His eyes closed briefly in despair and loss and then he peered at Atel, sighing. "How I miss him."

"But…." she stood rigid with shock, "Master, I thought you hated him."

Now it was Obi-Wan's turn to be stunned. "Whatever gave you that idea?"

Atel looked thoroughly confused, gazing down at the floor for a moment and then into Obi-Wan's questioning eyes. "Forgive me, Master. But you never talk about your old Master. You've never said a word about him. I thought you were ashamed to be trained by that rogue Jedi."

"Rogue?" Obi-Wan's choked on the word. His voice grew harsh, his face hard as stone. "Don't ever call him that again."

He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the pain that came roaring back, spiking with intense urgency. He knew he should not be berating his Padawan like this; she had told the truth from her perspective. But to hear such accusations coming from her mouth after the Council's lies, it was too much. "Go back to our quarters. I will discuss this with you when I have calmed down."

"But...."

"Now, Padawan."

She nodded and turned, dejected. Obi-Wan stood, arms crossed, face scowling and watched as she scurried away. Then he leaned against the door, shoulders slumped in weary bewilderment.

"Blast! I shouldn't have done that. Why would she think such a thing? How could she? Qui-Gon a rogue? Never!" Gritting his teeth, he pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to will away the pain and exhaustion. But it did no good. "Damn the Council for this mess. And damn Qui-Gon for leaving me here."

Still unnerved by his Padawan's accusations, Obi-Wan knew that he needed a sanctuary, somewhere safe to try and capture his lost serenity, to find his calm center. He yearned for a place of quiet meditation. Contemplating his limited options in these troubled days, a warm thought came to him. It was obvious; he knew just where he had to go.

The Room of a Thousand Fountains was ancient, older certainly than living memory, with a quiet beauty that was timeless and breathtaking - bubbling streams and stunning vistas, roaring waterfalls and cool breezes. It was the one sanctuary known to all.

To Obi-Wan, it had always held a special place in his heart. So much of his past, so much history had taken place within its lush confines, both good and bad. He knew it would be the perfect place to find serenity again.

Smiling, he moved towards the distant gardens, past the living quarters, past the empty crèches and the silent gymnasiums, past all the problems that had plagued his heart. When, at last, he reached his destination, he paused outside the ancient carved wooden doors, savoring the moment, welcoming the thought of all that greenery pulsing gently with the Living Force. He knew that much-needed tranquility was just beyond the ornate doors.

He was so wrong.

As he pushed the heavy doors wide, a overwhelming glare of harsh lights blinded him. Thrusting an arm upward to cover his now-tearing eyes, he noticed the artificial hum of mechanicals, the smell of rank fertilizer and grim taste of crushed greenery. He could not believe his eyes.

Gone were the rivers, streams, swaying trees and flowers of every kind. Instead, row upon row, ever upward, as far as the eye could see, were the plants and fruits of commerce. They had turned his beloved sanctuary into despised Bandomeer, into an agricultural factory. He stood there, stunned, swaying with disbelief.

Scrubbing at his eyes to wash away the appalling vision, he looked again. Plants filled the entire space, orderly rows of vegetables, vines heavy with fruit hanging along the sides of the terraces as they mounted up towards the ceiling, exotic herbs swaying in the breeze. Every space conceivable was filled with the green of industry. Nowhere were the stone pathways, the swards of grass, the gentle grace of blooming flowers... nowhere.

He must have made some small sound of protest. A human-sized droid, obviously in charge, floated up to him. "Master Jedi, you should not be here."

"What...what happened? Where is the mediation garden? What have you done?" Obi-Wan's voice was rising, almost in panic.

"Master Jedi. Please leave or I will have to call someone in authority. Go now, sir." The droid was polite but adamant. A mechanical arm swept out, grasping the Jedi's cloak and gently but firmly led Obi-Wan out into the corridor. Releasing him, it turned without a backward glance, and closed the door.

The clang of locks turning in place, sealing the space, echoed in the darkened hallway. Obi-Wan just stood there, mouth open, eyes unblinking. He breathed a small protest and then seemed to fold into himself, legs buckling as he collapsed onto the tiled floor. Pulling his legs up, hugging them as he moved into a fetal position, burying his face in his hands, Obi-Wan sat there. He sat there for a very long time.

Betrayal - Chapter 4

Punishment doesn't always fit the crime

His apprentice found Obi-Wan slumped in front of the ancient doors some hours later. Apparently, Atel had become concerned when he did not return and, ignoring his strict orders to remain in their quarters, hunted him out.

"Master, it's time to come back." She pulled at him, grabbing onto his unresisting arm, tugging insistently. He just looked at her with exhausted eyes, shaking his head. "Come on, Master. You can't stay here. If you do, they'll just punish you again. And me with you." With a final upward wrench, she managed to get Obi-Wan to his feet.

He stared at her, wounded and confused. Low, harsh, his voice raspy with unshed tears, he nodded towards the doors. "Did you know about this?"

"Yes, of course. The rumor mills have been buzzing about it for months."

"Why? Why did they do that? It was so beautiful."

"You must be joking. Why? Money, of course. The Senate has just cut the allotment again. The Council needed the money to maintain the Order. It was that or more dismissals."

"Not again."

"Come on, Master. We can't stay here and discuss this. I've got tea brewing, even as we speak." With that, Atel pushed her exhausted Master towards the living quarters. They both knew they could not discuss Temple matters in the monitored hallway; it might be considered seditious and they were in enough trouble with the Jinn mission coming up.

She pulled and pushed and prodded him and, at last, they tumbled into the tiny common room of their apartment. Obi-Wan collapsed onto the small couch, giving a slight ooff sound as he sat down. Atel moved to the kitchenette and brought forth the promised tea, gently placing it into her Master's trembling hands. He just stared at it for a while, watching the steam rising in the cool air and, then dipping his face downward, took a small sip.

"Thank you, my young Padawan. It's very good." Obi-Wan leaned back as his apprentice hurriedly propped a pillow behind his head. "How did you know where to find me?"

She shrugged. "You often talk about that garden and I remember walking there with you many times. I thought that you might go there to meditate." She looked down and then into his exhausted eyes. "I'm sorry about the gardens, Master. I know what they meant to you."

"I suppose it's better than more dismissals." Obi-Wan's hand pushed against his temple again as the headache continued to pulse and throb. He needed to get a painkiller but not yet, not yet - not until he apologized for his behavior to her.

"I..."

"Yes, Padawan?"

She knelt before him, a picture of perfect penitence, and bowed her head. "I'm sorry, Master. I should not have spoken so to you."

"Atel, you did nothing wrong."

"I must humbly disagree. I knew we were both tired and you were upset. I just didn't realize..."

"My young apprentice, I repeat, you did nothing wrong. I had no idea that was how you felt about Qui-Gon." Atel looked up at him with brown eyes, her  face haggard. She shook her head.

"I should have been more mindful. You never talk about him. I just assumed..."

He pulled her up and gestured to sit by his side. His arm came around her in a sharp hug, then released her and took her small hand in his own.

"Atel, I never talk about him because it hurts too much to do so. He was my mentor, my Master, almost a father to me. When he was dismissed, I was devastated, heartbroken and alone. I couldn't believe that they could do something like that to this great man." She frowned at that but said nothing as he continued. "He told me not to contact him, that it might hurt me to do so. Hurt me… there he was, thrown out of the Temple , his only home, almost penniless, and he was worried about me. I ignored his advice, of course. How could I not?"

He shook his head at the harsh memories. "At first, I requested information about him every day. And every day I was told to mind my own business and not be concerned with people no longer within the Jedi Order. After a couple of weeks, I grew frantic and began to make my own discreet inquiries. I guess I wasn't too discreet because they found out. I was hauled before the Council and told in no uncertain terms to stop what I was doing. I bowed slightly and left and began again to make inquiries. I was more guarded this time but they must have had surveillance on me because I was brought again before the Council. This time they sent me for punishment." Atel made a small gesture of dismay.

"Oh, the Council does not harm those people they wish to punish, not physically, at least. That would be barbaric and the Council is anything but that." He couldn't keep the sarcasm out of his voice; he shook his head at the chilling memories. "They sentenced me to a day in the cells at the bottom of the Temple." Atel looked confused again.

"You've never been there, I know. I made very sure that you were never to blame whenever punishment was meted out. The cells are Force-shielded so that no Jedi could escape - at least that was their original intent. When you are put into the cells, it is as if the Force does not exist and you are alone. But… but... it was more than that. They must have enhanced the shielding or put in some type of augmentation device for amplifying emotions in an escalating feedback loop, maybe as a test of will or control. I don't know. I would have thought that some inkling of that type of device would have leaked out - the rumors should have been running wild but there was never a whisper. Maybe it was experimental. I don't know. But whatever they did, whatever they used, it was extremely effective."

He took a deep shuddering breath and stared straight ahead. "In there, blind and deaf to the Force, you feel smothered, unable to breathe, panicking in that awful place, intensely claustrophobic, your whole being screaming for escape. The walls seem to close in, ceiling collapsing, mind wailing from the panicked echoes of the fear and torment of those who have been there before, and you are alone, so alone. It drives some insane with that loss, especially those trained within the Order from early childhood."

Obi-Wan shivered. "After a day in there, I would have done almost anything to avoid it again. Almost. But within a couple of weeks, I renewed my attempts to find out what I could about Qui-Gon. And again I was caught. Punishment this time was three days."

He stared at her, pain scrabbling behind his eyes, pulsing, pulsing around his neck and temples. He shrugged. "After that, I became very sneaky. It took them almost six months to find out about my little investigations. This time, punishment was a week."

 Obi-Wan looked down, ashamed. "I am a coward, Atel. I couldn't...couldn't face that again. I stopped looking."

"But, Master, you said in the meeting, that you had repeatedly asked about Master Jinn."

"I have asked every chance I could over the last ten years but the Council refuses any contact. I had hoped to talk with him, with or without the approval of the Council." He closed his eyes in pain and then looked at her with abject misery. "Ten years, Atel. The best man I have ever known and I let him down. How can I face him again after all that time?"

"I don't know, Master. Perhaps he has changed."

"No, not Qui-Gon."

"Master Obi-Wan, it has been a long time. Former Master Jinn is accused of crimes against the Jedi Order. Surely, he must have done something to merit this investigation. And he is, after all, a rogue Jedi."

Obi-Wan stood abruptly, the fragile teacup tumbling from his hands and smashing on the floor, the dissonant sound of china shattering, hot tea flying everywhere. He towered over her, his head spasming with pain.

"Never. Never a rogue. I told you no."

Looking bewildered, Atel said, "Master, please. We were told he was a Jedi gone bad and dismissed for that very reason. My last class in treaty negotiation went over the circumstances several times. It's the truth, Master. Qui-Gon Jinn went rogue and was thrown out of the Order because of it."

He was stunned and stared at his apprentice with disbelief. Legs buckling, he sat down hard on the couch and tried to find the calm center that he needed so badly. He breathed deeply, once, twice. Then quietly, distinctly, he spoke, his voice firm. "Atel, listen to me. I was there all the time, for every mission. Qui-Gon Jinn never became a rogue Jedi. You have been taught a lie. The question is - why are they lying about it?"