It all happened in one horrifying moment. Too fast, too fast.

The cry of "Kill the Jedi" shrieked into the air. Overwhelmed by the clamor of pitched battle, desperately fighting for his life, twelve year old Qui-Gon Jinn had only an instant to react.

The wild-eyed rebel rushed forward, her mouth foaming with rage and obscenities. With a sudden burst of speed, her vibropike came in high then slashed low at the vulnerable Padawan even as the blood lust pushed her toward the Jedi. Her face was insane with hatred's mask, pale skin painted in gore.

As she shoved the pike toward the boy, he leapt aside, back-pedaling to try and escape her fury. She twisted then into his path, reaching forward to gut him and rid the universe of the Jedi abomination. But it was too late.

With one quick thrust, the woman was impaled, the lazersword piercing her chest. A red mist blossomed out, heart heat turning cool in the air, and covered them both in a fine oily spray. In the green glow of the saber, the crimson haze darkened, devastation apparent in black blood.

For a brief instant there was silence between them. And suddenly, the savage grunts of her uncontrolled Rancor rage spiraled into high-pitched wails, screams of searing agony.

Qui-Gon just stood there, frozen in the moment.

He did not hear the shrill echoes of destruction going on all around him. Rough curses and the whispered pleas for mercy, the sun-bright pulses of explosives, and the startling call of carrion birds were without meaning. All he could see, all he could hear, all he could feel was her hoarse howl of scalded pain.

She moved then, pulling fiercely at the light spearing her chest, as though she could pluck the torment from her body. But she did not understand that it was already too late.

Instead, her hand sliced apart, the fingers falling away and downward, making soft plopping sounds as they hit the blood-soaked ground one by one. Her voice gone in the scorching agony, the mewing whimpers grew fainter as she stared at the Padawan. And then she slumped sideward, collapsing into the saber.

Qui-Gon tried to shut off his blade but not soon enough. Her body fell apart as the light sizzled through liquefied flesh, heart and bone and skin. Spurting out, her life's blood vaporized into a scarlet cloud, coating everything. As the woman collapsed into pieces, one shortened arm seemed to reach for her errant fingers.

And then she was dead.

Qui-Gon did not know how long he stood there, watching the unnamed woman turn into a corpse. He did not hear the final sounding of surrender or the soft footfall of his Master. He saw only the horror that was of his own making.

An eternity later, as Master Dooku quietly called his name, Qui-Gon Jinn let out a single wail of grief and promptly vomited all over the pieces of human meat now littering the ground.

He said not a word when his Master urged him away, just stared into some infinity that only he could see. But it could not last long. There were decisions to be made.

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As the ship winged its way through the sunset clouds and shot up into the first reaches of deeper space, Qui-Gon had still said nothing. Dooku had guided him into their small cabin but, even as he began to speak, the boy just turned away. Studiously avoiding all questions, he retreated to the viewport in the far corner and stood there, unresponsive and rigid as stone.

Dooku grew increasingly concerned. Ever a quiet child, Qui-Gon would sometimes turn pensive and withdrawn when something was bothering him but this... this was much more than a simple slight or failed test. This was the first time he had killed another living being. And it appeared to be eating him alive.

Finally, Master Dooku had had enough. "Padawan, talk to me." When the answer was only more silence, he reached out, touching Qui-Gon's shoulder. But the Learner jerked away roughly. One brief flick of dark-blue eyes muddied with anguish and he turned back toward the star-streaked window.

A painful whisper. "Please don't touch me. I'm not clean."

With that bleak admission, Qui-Gon began to scrub at his hands. Pulling at stained flesh, it seemed as though he were trying to strip away the very skin tainted with his failure. He looked down then, appearing to study his fingers as they scrapped imagined flecks of blood and meat from sweaty palms. When it appeared that it was not enough, never enough, he began to drag his hands across his tunics with increasing fervor, trying to rub away the filth only he could see.

He looked up at his Master, silently begging him for help, and then back down at the hands that seemed to have gained a life of their own. A low, soft grunt escaped as the boy pressed in, palms scrubbing hard against the spattered tunics. The rasping whisper of cloth against abused flesh was harsh in the small cabin.

"Padawan...."

Blue eyes uncomprehending and terrified met those of his Master. But he did not stop. He could not stop.

Dooku realized that this must go no further. With one quick movement, he grabbed the restless fingers in his own and pulled his Padawan close. Stillness came over the boy for just a moment. Blinking rapidly, Qui-Gon stared down at the large unsullied hands of his Master and then suddenly, he struggled to pull away, fierce in his attempt to twist out of the firm grip. But Dooku held on.

"Padawan...." He had to break through the durasteel barrier of his Learner's sorrow somehow. "Enough of this."

With that, Qui-Gon froze. Standing there, miserable and confused, a frown burrowed into his skin. He tried to quell the overwhelming emotions throttling him but he couldn't stop trembling. Refusing to look at his Master, trapped by the gentle reproach and his own deep guilt, he bent his head in shame.

"How can you stand to be near me? I murdered her. I am... I am...."

Dooku drew in a sharp breath, furious that he had let it get this far. "Qui-Gon Jinn, stop that immediately. You did what you had to do."

Wincing at the harsh tone, Qui-Gon shook his head in denial. But instead of accepting the truth of his Master's words, his remorse burrowed in deeper. He felt tainted, filthy. The Force seemed to swirl around him, his aura streaking in colors of old blood and despair.

Frustrated that he could not stop his Learner's crippling grief, Dooku clenched his hands, anger turning into whitened knuckles and knotted sinew. But there were younger fingers still trapped within his grasp. Qui-Gon let out a soft grunt at the unexpected pain and, realizing his mistake, Dooku let him go immediately.

Qui-Gon stepped back, out of reach. Hiding his face as he bowed his head in submission, he just stood there, subdued. He did not protest his Master's action. And as much as he was hurting, it was clear that he expected harsher punishment, that he deserved all of the pain and more.

It saddened Dooku to see that. He said more gently, "Padawan, you did the right thing."

Qui-Gon looked up then, his eyes huge in certain disbelief. "No, I...." The words began to tumble out. "Master, I keep seeing her face as I shoved my saber into her. Astonishment, pain. I... I could feel her agony in the Force. She.... "The unshed tears rasped in his throat.

"Padawan, enough."

The Learner just shook his head, confused and half-crazed with the memories, "I can't seem to.." Trembling once more, he looked down at his hands in distrust and began to scrub again at the tainted flesh that had betrayed him. The frown deepened. "I don't want to remember but I can't seem to...." He tried to push the disturbing images away without success.

Dooku was firm. The guilt must be quenched somehow. "Qui-Gon, you must get past this. If you are ever to be a Jedi Knight, you..."

Despair blossomed into sudden fury. Stepping closer to his Master, he spat out, "Jedi, is that what I am? Is that what we do? Murder people?"

"Qui-Gon!"

The condemnation in Dooku's voice only drove the boy further into his misery. Qui-Gon seemed to shrink inward at the harsh tone, his arms wrapping about his torso in mock comfort. The blue eyes watched his Master's face with little concealed trepidation as he said, "I don't know if I can.... if I will be able to do that again."

Master Dooku drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to quell his dismay. He knew he needed to tread carefully here; this was too important a decision for either of them to make lightly. He could only hope that the Force was guiding him down the right path.

Conviction threaded his reply. "You see only the life you have taken but there was more to it than that, Padawan. I saw the good that you accomplished, the lives you saved today. Surely, that is worth something."

An aborted shake of the boy's head. "I don't...."

Another sigh from Master Dooku and then he tried a different approach. If he could get Qui-Gon to focus on the true events of the day, the boy might see his way clear. "Tell me what happened, Qui-Gon. In your own words."

"I..." Qui-Gon was about to refuse his Master's command but one demanding stare and, abruptly, he gave in. But the monotone litany that followed spoke volumes.

"I was guiding the injured men toward the transport when the rebels attacked. One of the medics tripped on the broken ground, almost dropping the man he was carrying but was able to regain his balance and moved off towards the ship. I was shouting at them to hurry but then blaster bolts rang out, hitting the ground near the stragglers. I took the flank, hoping to draw their fire, and began to deflect it back toward the rebels. I could see the medical team reach the transport and move inside. I stopped for just a moment and then began to step backwards to follow them when out of nowhere she... she..."

And he could go no further. Miserable, he turned away, waiting for his Master to reprimand him. He knew that because of him, a woman was dead. His fear and a body lay in pieces. One frozen moment and ...

A whisper of movement, a brush of tunics against his own and then one large hand began to stroke his hair. Too tired to fight, Qui-Gon just stood there, shivering with anticipation. It would be now. His Master must think him a failure and he had only to say it to seal his fate.

"Padawan, you did what you had to do. A Master in the Force could have done nothing else."

Qui-Gon looked up in astonishment. Did Master Dooku not hear what he had said? He was not fit to be a Learner and yet his Master could say such things. He could not let him think that. "It wasn't enough. I murdered that woman because I wasn't... "

And now the Jedi Master realized that there was a deeper truth hidden there. And it was about to come out. "Padawan?"

Qui-Gon began in hiccup in a futile attempt at staving the tears and the inevitable rejection. "I wasn't listening." He brushed furiously at his wet face as he confessed his failure. And the desperate sobs were bubbling at his throat, tearing at him to get out. "The Force was telling me to go into the ship, that I was needed there but I didn't... I couldn't do it. I saw that you were in trouble and I just wanted to help. I just wanted to help you."

Dooku wrapped his arms around his Padawan, hugging him close. "Qui-Gon, you are not perfect. None of us are."

With that, Qui-Gon dove into the warm embrace and began to wail out his anguish. "One moment, that's all it took and then she was there. I killed her. I didn't want to but I didn't listen… I should have.... not let her die like that." And he burrowed in, sobbing in his Master's arms.

Master Dooku knew that Qui-Gon needed this - to purify himself in tears. Inwardly sighing, he thought about the missions of his own past. Every time a Jedi went into the field there was a potential for the taking of life. He accepted the harsh reality as payment for the incredible good that he did in the service of the Republic. Qui-Gon would come to accept it as well, in the end. It was the way of the Jedi. And so he continued to stroke the soft hair and murmur assurances as the child grieved for his lost innocence.

But Qui-Gon did not understand any of it. He only knew that the moment, this moment, was filled with pain and bottomless regret. And as he sobbed into the rough tunics of his Master, he whimpered softly, "Should have listened. I'll never be clean again. Never."