This was an interview that they did of me on the Jello Anarchy website. Early 2007

To start with, give us a rundown on your background.

I'm 56 years old, married for 36 years and with two kids. My oldest daughter just turned 18 and is at college right now and I'm having empty nest syndrome, big time. My other girl is 12. 

I'm an analytical chemist and have worked at my company for 33 years. I also have a degree in Anthropology and I've been on a couple of local archaeological digs. 

Hobbies – painting, quilting, costuming and writing. I love to travel and I've been to 48 states (still missing North Dakota and Louisiana), a bit of Canada, the Caribbean, a lot of Europe as well as Japan, China and Hong Kong. My most recent trip was to the Mediterranean on a cruise but I also have been known to travel on the cheap as well. I adore visiting new places…

Describe your introduction to the GFFA and what turned you into an addict.

Saw Star Wars opening weekend in 1977, stood in line for hours (the movie was only showing at a few theaters and the lines were incredible). I was an adult when I saw it. Most of you probably don't remember the way the movies were then – full of depressing bits of reality, very much a turnoff. When I saw the Star Destroyer come in from overhead, I knew we were in for a treat. I went to see it about 10 times when it was first out and when it went to the secondary theaters, I would go there for an afternoon of SW.  

Addict – I suppose I am. The combination of mythology and an uplifting message was a great way of getting my attention. We had just come out of the Vietnam War and things were not very nice. No one believed the government, the environment was going to hell and people were worried about oil – sound familiar? Star Wars took you out of all that and gave you hope, even if it was in a Galaxy far, far away. At least there, people were willing to do the right thing even if it cost them their lives.  

I couldn't get enough of it and I still can't.

Have you ever been embarrassed about buying or owning SW merchandise? Any particular items that made you squirm?

Nope. I don't get embarrassed about stuff like that. I wear my SW t-shirts to the mall, have my car with its IM JEDI license plate and go gaga over the latest Hallmark ornament.  

I do admit that I bought a JarJar huggable toy (for a costume presentation) and he's hidden somewhere in my basement.

How and when did you become a Qui-Gon fan?

The moment he stuck his lightsaber into the door of the Neimodian ship and it started to melt. And so did I. To me, he was the perfect Jedi Knight – driven to do what was right even if it hurt himself or others, stubborn, passionate, gentle, and fierce. He was a mixture of serenity and intensity, in balance. Sarcastic and appreciative of irony, intelligent and strong. I was thunderstruck when they killed him off. I've been trying to keep him alive ever since.

How has your view of him evolved over the years?

I think as I get older, I appreciate him more. Liam is about my age, give or take a year. So Qui-Gon would be dealing with age issues and responsibilities and doing the right thing while still trying not to groan after a hard day of saber-fighting.

 I've always thought he was such an interesting character, so full of flaws that were just wonderful to exploit – trying to do the right thing and then getting upset and unhappy when no one else would see that he was doing the right thing. And then withdrawing from everyone when he thought he was being misunderstood and not allowing anyone in. Such stubbornness, too, but that was also a cover for his deep hurt. Great stuff.  

However, when I read Princess_Arulmohzi's description of how she saw Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan's relationship, I was just blown away. I've since incorporated her ideas into how I see him. Teacher, wise man, fool. All of these and more.  

If you could spend an hour with him, what would you talk about ... or do?

I'm married. If I were single, beautiful and articulate, I'd slowly take off all his clothes and touch that soft skin and loosen his hair, smell him and taste him and find out how big his…. errr… feet are. Sorry. Got carried away.  

But as it is, I probably would talk to him about what the hell he was thinking taking Anakin on when he had a wonderful and loyal Padawan. And then get him to show me how a lightsaber works and talk about the Force and then babble on about whether he has a hobby and what he really thinks of Yoda. You know, all those silly questions that never get answered except in fanfic.

Which other SW characters do you connect with?

Younger Obi-Wan is a great character, also to exploit. He is so calm and poised and yet he feels things so deeply, struggling to remain the perfect Jedi. And when he fails, that's when you know that he is - perfect. I love writing him although I find him quite difficult at times. He seems to want to go on his own path and I keep herding him back to the plot…LOL. I'm not interested in the older Obi-Wan. I'm still mad at him for lying to Luke.  

Anakin from TPM through the middle of ROTS. Once he goes to Mustafar, I can't really connect with him, seeing him more as a monster than a vulnerable, confused Jedi. I wanted to guide him so much in ATOC and throttle him when he killed Dooku and shout at him to get away from Palpatine. But he didn't hear me at all.  

Luke Skywalker. Farmboy to Jedi Knight. Naïve and sweet and refreshingly endearing, he went from being a backwater fool through the hell of realizing that everyone he had believed in had lied to him to a calm, perfect Knight, very much like a young Obi-Wan. Absolutely wonderful character to read. Writing him has been a problem but I think I'm getting better at it.

How did you find the world of fanfiction, and what made you stay? Did you write stories from the beginning?

No, I never wrote stories before 2000. I had no interest and, frankly, thought I'd be terrible at it. Besides, I was busy with quilting and costuming at the time.  

The world of fanfic. I've always enjoyed talking about SW, the ins and outs of the characters, the plots, the motivations. However, I had read a few Star Trek fanfics and really hated them so I stayed away from SW fanfic, thinking they would be the same. Luckily a costuming friend of mine suggested the Qui-Gon Jinn Discussion list which talked about TPM and also had fanfic on it.  

One particular story, In a Strange Land by Stacey Lee, a self-insertion story that was well written, was very intriguing. We got to discussing the story one day and I made a comment about Obi-Wan that everyone disagreed with. I thought about it a long time and then a plot bunny reared its ugly head and I just had to write it. It wasn't great but it wasn't bad either. I have it on my website because Stacey, as owner of the Stacey character, didn't want it published on the QGJDL.  

But that was the start. I wrote one more side-story in that universe (she had said I could although I still couldn't post it except my own website) and then went on to other things.  

After a while of posting on the QGJDL, I was told that there was a site, theforce.net, and they had SW stories. I found the Archives and they accepted a story of mine. So I would go there fairly often to read. While poking around, I stumbled, purely by accident, onto the fanfic boards and I've been there ever since.

You always say you‘re a slow writer because you want to get it just right. How do you go about it? Do you write a first draft and then work from there? What‘s your concept?

Slow, slow, slow. I am darn slow.  

My usual way of writing a story that has any dialogue in it is to write the dialogue first and polish it up. I feel that dialogue carries the story most of the time – the interactions of the characters push the plot along – so the dialogue needs to sound and flow right. After that, I will add all the little things that go along with the dialogue – names, gestures, ways of saying things. Then I will add all the other stuff, movement, transitions, exposition, and plot points that haven't come out in the dialogue.  

Then I will polish the wording. My thesaurus is used extensively (ClarisWorks has a wonderful thesaurus but I also use thesaurus.com when necessary). I may change sentences or even paragraphs to get the wording just right. I try and make it aurally stimulating as well. I've found that I sub-vocalize as I read so I want the story to "sound" right in addition to having a visual flow to the words.  

Then I will go through the whole post again, just to make sure everything is right. Of course, at this point, I'm tired so I may miss things. But, for the most part, I don't post anything that I don't think is worth reading – it must meet my standards above all else. I'm pretty harsh on myself but I want it right. I usually don't use a beta. I find I'm too impatient to wait for them to get around to reading it. 

For short things, I won't write up a draft per se but longer pieces, I will have an outline. For my epic, Betrayal, I have an extensive outline with plot points that I want to make for each chapter, a timeline, a character reference and where I want to increase or ease the tension of the story. So it really depends on how long the story will be whether I have an outline or not.  

As for why it takes me so long to write sometimes, when I post a chapter, I need to rest for a while. The posts can be rather intense and I have to clean my palate and do something else – either write a story that is completely different or else work on one of my other hobbies. So after I post something, I don't even start working on the next one for a week or more.

Which of your stories are you most proud of and why?

Betrayal is probably the one I like the best. I admit that I love the language I use in it. And I've learned so much in writing it – action, plot twists, characterization, POV changes, how to use an outline to purposefully add little nuggets of things for your readers to find later on. I'm really quite proud of it. I'm also happy that I've been able to keep my readers interested even though it's taken me forever to write it. They are all wonderful to wait that long.  

Lighting the way home  is also in the Betrayal universe but is a romance between my OC, Le'orath Antilles, and Qui-Gon Jinn. I wanted it to be a lush, intense romantic drama. I think I succeeded in that. It wasn't posted separately but in the Betrayal thread. It's also part of a series on their relationship but I think it was the most balanced of the stories.

 And then there is Swimming is for Grownups.  I really love this one for a couple of reasons. I played around with writing a dialogue-only story that actually has a plot – that's always fun. Plus I was quite silly with it, having Mace and Xanatos as young kids talking about lakes and sex and if Master Jinn and all the other Masters had sex in the lake and other foolishness. I want to experiment in my writing styles and I thought it came off rather well.  

Finally, I adored working with Jade and Shaindl and a bunch of others in "As the Furniture Flies". With that, I had such fun being silly and writing things quickly. I was just sorry when it died. I loved that stupid thread. Plus I did the unthinkable – I had the sewage tanks split open and flow over Qui-Gon Jinn. Ewwww. It was great fun and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Which of your stories do you wish had never left your computer?

Ahhhh, the ones you've never seen. I don't post anything that I don't want posted. I have a few things that are on my computer that may get posted eventually but if they are that bad, no one is seeing them but me.

The vignettes you've written in the past year mostly seem to be either very funny or very dark (ie. Swimming is for Grownups, Bull's-Eye). Do you tend to write a certain genre to kind of balance things out either in your life or your writing? Or do you just follow the muse? 

Ah, you've noticed my pattern. I don't like to write too many things in the same genre. I don't want to be known as the woman who only writes gory stories or silly humor pieces or romance or drama or angst. I love to experiment and try new things all the time. So when I write one or more stories in a particular genre, I deliberately switch gears and look to write something completely different. That being said, I have gone through a time where I wrote nothing but gory, harsh, depressing stories but that was, in part, to deal with my mother's death. It took quite a while to get over and I found myself writing things that I might not otherwise have written.  

In fact, now I'm probably going to have to write something funny or sweet, just because the last few things I've written were serious.

What's the first thing you're going to do when you finish "Betrayal" (after hitting ctrl-S, of course)? After years of working on this huge story, do you think you'll feel a hole or just a ton of relief?

Do when I've finished Betrayal? Will I ever be done????  

I will dance a dance of joy and eat some chocolate. Honestly, I will feel relief, pure and simple. Much as I love writing the story, it's been a huge anchor around my neck. Sometime, I feel like life has passed me by while I was at the computer. But, on the other hand, I always felt an obligation to my readers to do a good job, the best I can and to see it through. Plus I promised I'd finish it.  

I will be very happy about it. Then after a little while, I'll have to decide whether or not to try and put it in the Archives which would mean a massive rewrite since my POVs need work in that one. Once I became aware of my shifting POVs, I tried to correct it but I'd already written 200 pages. I'm not sure I'm dedicated enough for a rewrite. I'll have to think about that long and hard.

Do you ever want to move your writing beyond fanfiction? Or have you already done so? 

No, I have no intention of writing beyond fanfic. I got into fanfic because of SW and I assume that I never will move on. That being said, if a plot bunny starts chewing on my leg and not letting go, it might be a different story. But I'm not here to write original stories or other fandoms and I'm certainly not here to make money writing. That would just be a job and I already have one.

Does your family influence your writing at all?

Nope, not at all. My husband thinks I should stop playing around and write something that I can make money at. What kind of fun is that?  

You work full time, you are a mother, you are deeply involved in costuming, quilting and fanfiction ... does it ever all seem to be too much for you, or do you thrive on constantly having a full plate? How do you find balance?

Full plates are greatly under-utilized.  

People often ask me the same sort of question and I always tell them that I like to burn my candles at all twelve ends. I seem to thrive on intensity, on doing several things at once. I get bored easily and I'd rather be doing more and sometimes getting frustrated than having nothing to do but watch paint dry or even watching my boring experiment chug its way to conclusion. I believe that life is to be grabbed onto and enjoyed, squeezing out every drop that you can. It's the only life you get so have a ball with it.  

That being said, sometimes I get overwhelmed. If I feel that I'm overcommitted, I'll try and see what I can drop. If I can't, then I'll just see it through and then watch the grass grow for a little while in order to recharge. But then it's intensity again. There's too much out there to miss – so I make sure I don't miss it.  

Do you have any dream projects, things you'd like to accomplish that just seem a million miles away right now? Maybe a bunny for yet another epic or a certain costume?

No, not really. Since I'm older and have had a lot of adventures already, I'm pretty satisfied. I've been in enough costume presentations that I get asked to be on panels and give workshops. I have to compete at the Master class in historical garb and regular costumes because I've won so much. I won Best amateur artist at a Worldcon for my quilts. And people tell me I write well. In fact, one of my friends at work (who I thought only read my stuff because we were friends) told me the other day that she really loved my last story and that it was pro quality. I was tickled pink.  

Besides, I'm never writing an epic again. Once was enough.

What’s your biggest pet peeve in fan fiction?

The boards or the writing?  

The theforce.net boards – enough with the drama. Can't we all just get along and teach each other how to be better writers? 

Writing – laziness, actually. Capitalization, punctuation, learning the basic rules of grammar, using a spell-checker – there is really no excuse for not using the tools at hand. It's not that hard and the writer who ignores it is doing their readers a disservice. I know it's pretty harsh but someone needs to say it.

Jello! Which color/flavor? Any favorite accompaniments?

Kiwi-strawberry. Can I get Obi-Wan on the side? LOL, I don't put anything else in my jello although I may put whipped topping on top. No fruit, though. That just ruins the jello.

You are consistently one of the top posters at this site (Jello Anarchy) and have probably said something on almost every thread. Does being social come naturally to you? Are you the same in RL?

I'm social? Where is that laughing icon?  

When I was young, I was the shyest person around – and hated it. When I went off to college, I made a concentrated effort to change, forcing myself into social situations and being more forward. I went to Toastmaster's meetings to learn how to speak in public and going on stage took a great deal of self-pressure. I wasn't about to let a little thing like fear stop me.  

Now, I have no problem wading in on the boards and talking about things. I try to be nice about it, especially if it would hurt someone's feelings. But I'm strong-willed and have an opinion and am old enough to not care necessarily what others might think of my opinion.  

Yes, I'm the same in real life. I'm pretty much what you think I am from what I appear to be on the boards. I still hesitate when in a new social situation but I force myself to get it over with and just enjoy it. And usually, I do. 

If you were stranded in the middle of a forest with no place to go, which one book do you hope to have with you?

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. I've read it countless times and I plan on reading it again and again. Her sarcastic wit, the way she describes situations and places and things, just blows me away every time. And I have a thing for Mr. Darcy.

Type out a quote or poem or song lyrics that reveal something about yourself and explain it. 

From Lee Ann Womack – I hope you dance.

 I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

To me, that is the epitome of life - to dance in life's joys, to live to its fullest extent. To not sit back and mourn the loss of opportunity but to grab onto life with both hands. To fulfill your dreams with all the gusto and energy you can.  

I've tried to live my adult life that way. To try something new, different or odd or interesting whenever I can. Not because it will make me more money or satisfy someone's else's ideas about status or what I should do. But to taste life in all its intensity. I've flown in a hot-air balloon even though I was terrified. I've gone out on stage in costumes made with my own hands even though I wanted to shrink into the shadows and never come out. I've tasted snails and jellyfish and reindeer meat, whitewater-rafted in Alaska and climbed into lava tubes in Hawaii, slept in a tent under a sky so full of stars that it glowed. I've lived. I've chosen not to sit it out but to dance and I will continue to do so until the end of my days.  

Is that enough explanation? LOL. Oh, and the funny thing is that I don't dance (in the moving, arms around your partner kind of dance) at all.

Is there anything else you'd like your adoring fans to know about you? 

I try very hard to write well and please my readers as much as please myself – sometimes more. I don't always succeed but I try. Don't tell anyone but I'm very insecure about my writing skills. Really! I don’t say it to get people to try and make me feel better; it's really true.  

Plus I'm actually shy. It's just hidden under all that social stuff.

Thanks to Indra and Mousche for such a lovely set of questions.

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