My eventual goal is to enter here some of my favorite passages from Guareschi's writings, but I just haven't gotten around to it yet. In the meantime, here are some from my friend Vajrang Parvate, whose excellent Guareschi website is the first-listed one on my "Links" page).

I. From Don Camillo and the Prodigal Son (aka Don Camillo and His Flock):

"The Little World" (page 7) --
     I was born near the Po and it is the only respectable river in all Italy. To be respectable, a river must flow through a plain because water was created to be horizontal and only when it is perfectly horizontal does it preserve its natural dignity. Niagara Falls is an embarrassing phenomenon, like a man who walks on his hands.

"The Dance of the Hours" (page 18) --
     It was all very strange, because before this none of them had ever cared about minutes at all. Minutes and seconds are strictly city preoccupations. In the city people hurry, hurry so as not to waste a single minute, and fail to realize that they are throwing a lifetime away.

"The Stuff from America" (page 29) --
     Some of the Reds were needy enough, but they didn't come. This was the only fly in the priest's ointment, because he had prepared a special homily for their benefit. 'You haven't any right to this, since you have Stalin to look after you. But take a parcel just the same, Comrade, and here's luck to you!'
     When none of the Reds put in an appearance and the priest was told that Smilzo was standing behind a bush, taking down the name of everyone that went away with a parcel, he realized that he would have to keep his homily to himself. By six o'clock in the evening all the 'regular' needy had been taken care of and there were left only the parcels meant for 'special' cases. Don Camillo went into the church to talk to the Lord.
     'See here, Lord, what do You think of that?'
     'I see, Don Camillo, and I must admit I find it touching. Those people are just as poor as the rest, but they're putting Party loyalty above their hunger. And so Don Camillo has lost a chance to deliver some sarcastic remarks at their expense.'
     Don Camillo lowered his head.
     'Christian charity doesn't mean giving the crumbs from your table to the poor; it means dividing with them something that you need yourself. When Saint Martin divided his cloak with a beggar, that was Christian charity. And even when you share your last crust of bread with a beggar, you mustn't behave as if you were throwing a bone to a dog. You must give humbly, and thank him for allowing you to have a part in his hunger. Today you simply aped the part of an altruist and the crumbs you distributed were from someone else's table. You had no merit. And instead of being humble, you had poison in your heart.'

II.  From Don Camillo's Dilemma:

Introduction (page 9) --
     I know that when I was a little boy I used to sit on the bank of the mighty river and say to myself: 'Who knows? Perhaps when I'm grown up I'll manage to get on the other side'. My greatest dream was to own a bicycle. Now I am forty-six and the bicycle is mine. Often I go to sit on the river bank where I sat as a boy. And as I chew a blade of grass I can't help thinking: 'After all, this side is better'.
     I listen to the stories borne down the mighty river, and people say: 'He grows more absurd every year!' Which isn't true, because I was absurd from the very beginning. Thanks be to God.

"A Soul For Sale" (page 35) --
     'Lord,' Don Camillo asked, 'who can understand these people?' 'I can,' the Crucified Christ answered, smiling.

"The Excommunicated Madonna" (page 109) --
     'I don't see why he chose the arcade for a subject,' said a member of the would-be intelligentsia. 'There are far more picturesque scenes along the river.'
     The painter heard this remark and said without turning around: 'Picturesque scenes are for penny postcards. I came here to paint just because it isn't picturesque.'

"A Lesson In Tactics" (page 147) --
     'I'm not especially pleased with you, Don Camillo,' Christ said. 'The old man and Peppone and his friends behaved themselves more creditably than you did.'
     'But if I hadn't stirred up the situation a bit, nothing would have come out of it,' protested Don Camillo weakly.
     'That doesn't matter. Even if some good comes out of your evil-doing, you're responsible to God for what you did. Unless you understand this, you've misunderstood God's word completely.'
     'God will forgive me,' murmured Don Camillo, lowering his head. 'No, Don Camillo, because when you think of all the good which your sin has done for the poor, you won't ever honestly repent.'
     Don Camillo threw out his arms and felt very sad, because he knew that Christ was quite right.

"Peppone has a Diplomatic Illness" (page 154) --
     '"People?" What does that mean? "People" as a whole are never going to get into Heaven. God judges "people" individually and not in the mass. There are no "group" sins, but only personal ones, and there is no collective soul. Every man's birth and death is a personal affair, and God gives each one of us separate consideration. It's all wrong for a man to let his personal conscience be swallowed up by collective responsibility.'
     Don Camillo lowered his head. 'But, Lord, public opinion has some value....'
     'I know that, Don Camillo. Public opinion nailed Me to the Cross'.

"A Ball Bounces Bank" (page 164) --
     'Lord,' he said to the Crucified Christ as he stood before the altar, 'how did it all happen? After the upbringing that boy's had, how could he know the difference between good and evil?'
     'Don Camillo,' said Christ, 'how do fish learn to swim? By instinct. And conscience is instinctive in the same way; it's not something that can be transmitted from one person to another. It's not like taking a light into a dark room. The light is burning all the time, covered by a thick veil. When you take the veil away, the room is lit.'
     'Very well, Lord, but who unveiled the light in that boy's soul?'
     'Don Camillo, when the darkness of death is impending, everyone instinctively searches within himself for a ray of light. And now, don't you bother your head about how it came about; just rejoice in it and thank God.'

"The Card Sharpers" (page 175) --
     'Don Camillo, I said that you were in the service of the King of Heaven, not of the kings of clubs and diamonds. You ought to be ashamed!'
     Don Camillo threw out his arms, raised his eyes to Heaven and exclaimed: 'Lord, I know I'm in the wrong. But you heard what he said about the game and how it addles a man's brain.'
     Then something caught Don Camillo's eye. It was Peppone's pack and the flames of the fire were just beginning to curl around it. In a moment, it would be too late to find out how an expert like Peppone marked the kings and queens. Christ sighed.
     'Don Camillo, who's going to save you from burning in Hell?'   Don Camillo did not answer, but he sat quite still and did not go up to bed until the glowing coals had turned to ashes.

"One Meeting After Another" (page 227) --
     'Lord, punish me! I've said too many stupid things.'
     'No,' Christ answered. 'I'm concerned not with your words but with your intentions. Your heart's in the right place, even if your tongue does trick you. Watch that tongue of yours, Don Camillo; it has a way of getting you into trouble.'

"Hammering It In" (page 240) --
     'Lord,' he said, kneeling before the Crucified Christ, 'now we're even; a hammer for a hammer.'
     'One stupidity plus another stupidity makes two stupidities,' Christ answered.

"Don Camillo Returns" (page 246) --
     'Priests are ministers of God, not shopkeepers. The confession is what matters, not the confessor; that's why the priest stays behind a grating which serves to hide his face. When you make your confession, you don't tell your life-story to one priest or another; you speak to God...'

  (page 247) --
     'I'm always content with what God gives me. If He holds out His finger, I don't grab His hand.... And yet often I wish I could.'

III.  From Don Camillo and the Devil (aka Don Camillo Takes the Devil By the Tail):

"Operation Saint Babila" (page 9) --
     'Lord,' he said, 'thank you for not letting Saint Babila drag me into the water. I have reason to be happy tonight, because Saint Babila is settled "per omnia saecula saeculorum", and that means for ever and ever.'
     'Amen,' murmured Christ with a smile. 'But remember, Don Camillo, that in human events there are no absolutes.'

"Peppone's Pilgrimage" (page 15) --
     No one but a madman would have ventured out if he didn't have to, that is, no one but a madman or a hunter, because a hunter is only a madman who hasn't been shut up in an institution.

"Victims of War" (page 44) --
     'The sin of the wife doesn't cancel the sin of the husband. Each one has to pay....'

"The Rains Came" (page 60) --
     'Don't be blasphemous, Comrade,' said Don Camillo severely. 'The human race has a big bill to pay, and the present generation has to make up for the deficiencies of the one that preceded it. We're late in coming upon the scene.'
     'Then the late-comers are fools,' observed Peppone.
     'No, Comrade; the only fools are those that haven't won a good place for themselves in the eternal life to come.'

"Made in U.S.S.R." (page 64) --
     'No, only party members can enjoy it. But I had hoped that my film hall would attract some of Peppone's hangers-on, and I could save them from the bear's embraces.'
     Christ sighed. 'Are these your only weapons, Don Camillo?' he asked. 'I didn't have any machines with which to seize men from the devil's grasp and put them on the path of righteousness.'
     'Lord, forgive me,' said Don Camillo, humbly bowing his head. 'But the devil didn't have any machines then, either. If the devil rides a motor-cycle, why should I pursue him on foot?'
     'Don Camillo, I can't follow your cycling metaphor. But the vehicles that carry men to heaven or hell are just the same now as they were then.'

  (page 69) --
     '.....The Russian TV! And yet I'll wager that if the discoverer doesn't tell his story they're quite capable of keeping up the farce indefinitely. Isn't it utterly ridiculous? Are they stark mad, to play a part like this, without ever giving themselves away? Self-discipline, they call it, but I have another name... Lord, you aren't even listening....'
     'I was thinking of the sorrows of the world, Don Camillo, not of the tall tales you've been telling.  What is it, then, that the visitor to the People's Palace saw?'
     'Lord, a fellow accidentally got in there last night and saw the famous TV set,' said Don Camillo, hanging his head. 'It's authentically "made in U.S.S.R.".'

"Ring out the Old, Ring in the New" (page 95) --
     'Don Camillo, you're a skilled hunter and a fisherman, aren't you?'
     'Yes, Lord.'
     'You hunt with a gun and fish with a hook and line, don't you?'
     'Yes, Lord.'
     'Then if one day you were to see fish flying through the sky and birds slithering under water, would you still fish with a hook and line and hunt with a gun?'
     'No, Lord, I'd fish with a gun and hunt with a hook and line.'
     'That's where you're wrong, Don Camillo! Because you'd fail completely in both endeavours.'
     'Lord, I don't understand.'
     'Many do not understand, Don Camillo, because they look at mere words instead of realities.'

"A Poacher's Penance" (page 143) --
     'Lord,' he went on indignantly, 'how can people fail to make a small sacrifice which would yield them so much joy?'
     'Don Camillo, too many people regard any sacrifice as a great one and are entirely wrapped up in seeking their own happiness. To them happiness may mean NOT giving something they don't need.'