I'm sorry, I know you told me before you left. "Only when I'm with you." I kind of thought. " Since they're only training wings and all, what the Hell can go wrong"? Well, I did put them on and I turned around and looked in the mirror and thought I looked simply smashing. One thing led to another and pretty soon I was rummaging about up stairs to see if I could find the appropriate Fairy attire.

After a long and diligent search I was finally able to dig up the daughters old ballet Tutu. I needed some shoes and I didn't have any that matched the wardrobe so I found my old pair of cowboy boots and slipped those on. On the way back down I started thinking that there was a rather remote chance something could collide with me and cause harm to my various parts. So when I spotted my sons football helmet and skateboard pads. I went ahead and slipped them on also.

So now if you can picture me, standing in front of the mirror with my two pussycats looking on. You'll see a middle-aged bald guy with a beer belly wearing a tutu, cowboy boots and a crash helmet. Looked kind of like one of the Village people going to a Garth brooks concert.

Well anyway, personally I thought I looked a tad foolish. But I still figured I'd be safe. What could go wrong? So with that bag of Magic fairy Dust you keep faxing to me. Just like I've seen you do before. I take a pinch of dust. Sprinkle it upon my head. Utter the magic words.

I find myself blinded by a brilliant flash of light and then with a deafing crash of thunder ringing in my ears I promptly shrink to about 2 inches.

"OW! This is COOL," I thought. UNTIL, I turn around and see the look in my HUGE kitties/Tigers in training eyes. They're looking at me like I'm some kind of bug or something.

Mr.Dugen makes a leaping pounce for me and I start flapping my little wings like crazy.

I'm able to just get one wing flapping which seems to just make me flop around in tight circles while making a screaming sound. I don't really know if the screaming noise was the sound of my wing or from my throat. Anyway the horrendous sound must of scared him because he leapt backwards with a meow and a hiss.

I'm able to stop my dizzying spiral of death and come to a staggering halt. As I stand there swaying with the world twirling I notice CB, my other attack cat making a flying pounce at me. I now am able to get both wings flapping at once and I shoot upwards at an incredible rate of climb and before I can slow my wing beat I hit the ceiling with a resounding Thwack and ricochet off the ceiling and flap my way to a curtain rod above the living room window. I lay there draped over the rod gasping and panting and feeling lucky to barely miss being eaten alive by my own animal friends. I lay here awhile atop my perch and ponder my situation.

It didn't take to long to ponder. Because in a few moments I started to feel rather strange when with a flash of light and slight POP in my ears I regain my old shape. 5ft 7in and 160 lbs. Now with my extensive study of physics I knew in a split second that Sir Arnold Palmers theory of Gravity and his theory of relativity were going to take hold. I knew in that split moment this poor little apple was in relative deep doo.

Noting the curtain rod had been engineered for around 60oz and I far exceeding that. I came down with a crash and a thud. The "THUD part" really hurt. Later, Laying on the floor with tutu a skew and two laughing cats standing upon my chest trying to do CPR or just use me as a new scratching post. I hear a squeal from the passion pit/bedroom.

It's my Wife on the phone with 911 reporting an "INTRUDER" Great Scott!! Burglars! At a time like this?

Later as I drift in and out of consciousness I become aware of Officer Marge of The Enumclaw police Dept. You may remember her as the officer that had me handcuffed and bent over her car while I was trying to impress her with the *MAGIC WORDS* "foreplay-sex-duct tape-nair". WELL! Let's just say She was not a happy camper when she saw me dressed as a transvestite Fairy/cowboy/football player.... HOLDING a BIG BAG of White powder. Next thing ya know I have Guardian ONE which is King County's police helicopter circling around the house with searchlight ablaze along with D.E.A. agents running around the house.

So, in closing Polgara I would like to take this moment to plead to you. Please don't be too mad at me. I really didn't mean for all this to happen. If you'll forgive me and get me out of jail on bond I promise I'll not try and fly again until you're with me. Thank you oh so much. # 38942

PS: The magic dust is now locked in the evidence room. I know that if you'll just come save me. We can get the secret dust out of there. I have a plan.