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	this issue of "The National Harold-Gazette" is copyright 2004 dark star publishing. all rights reserved. may not be reproduced, in whole or in part, without written permission from the publisher. this is a work of satire. any resemblance to actual persons and places is strictly coincidental; sometimes.
GUNMEN TAKE HOSTAGES AT LOCAL CONVENIENCE STORE Force them to eat fatty snack foods Recently, in a suburb of Cincinnati, OH three burglars burst into a local convenience food store brandishing what appeared to be large packages of assorted snack foods. Read the full story .....	GROUNDHOG REFUSES TO COME OUT OF HOLE Weather Forecasters Fear The Worst The nations weather forecasters are frantically searching for clues to when the winter of '04 will be over as the famous groundhog, Lackawanna Larry, never came out of his hole this past February 2, Groundhog Day. Read the full story .....
Our mascot, Morris the albino moose.	Today's Daffynition: Groundhog - how you make sausage.
DO INQUIRING MINDS REALLY WANT TO KNOW THIS? Editorial Comment "OPRAH'S BUTT GROWS BY 3 INCHES" was one of the headlines on the front page of one of the supermarket tabloid papers not long ago. Read the full story .....	U.S. SKI TEAM BURIED UNDER AN AVALANCHE WHILE IN TRAINING Substitutes are needed While training for an upcoming cross country skiing competition in the mountains of Vermont, the U.S. Ski Team was buried under an avalanche of snow. Read the full story .....

Advertisement - Announcing the new and improved Burpee Cola. The sugar and caffeine free tasteless soft drink. Now with more burps per serving than any other soft drink on the market. So at your next family picnic or party liven it up a little! Serve the new Burpee Cola! Now available in your grocer's freezer section. Also available in new low carb formula, with even less taste!

Thought for the day - If some brands of toilet tissue are advertised as "facial quality", are there some brands of facial tissue that are advertised as "derriere quality"?

Cooking with Edna
by Edna Schirkner
Today's Easter Dinner Recipe: Rabbit Stew and Deviled Eggs

"Rabbit stew, huh? I'm still trying to figure out where the rabbit gets the eggs for Easter. Last I knew, rabbits don't lay eggs. Besides, I hate rabbit stew. Can't get the dang critter to sit still long enough to skin 'em. Then I got to chase him all over the house. I usually find him in the den, playing with the old adding machine on my husband's desk."