Okay. Now that I've got you here, let's get some things straight. I do not care if you are black or white, male or female, straight or gay, rich or poor, Christian, Jew or miscellaneous. It does not matter. If I like you, it is because of you. If I dislike you, it is because of you. Do we understand each other? Good. Let's proceed.
It is time to stop pandering to the stupid people of the world. If you spill hot coffee on yourself, you cannot sue anyone. If you eat spermicidal jelly on toast and get sick, you cannot sue anyone. We have to stop holding other people responsible for our own stupidity. There was actually a warning on a tube of Blistex that says not to use the product in your eyes. What kind of moron thinks to himself, "Gee, my lips are chapped. Better rub some Blistex in my eye!"? I hate to think about how much more we pay for things simply because the company that makes a product or person who provides a service has to carry a huge amount of product liability or malpractice insurance and passes the cost on to the consumer. All because the idiot who lives down the street from you doesn't have enough common sense not to harm himself unless specifically told not to do so. You stupid people know who you are. Stop it! (You too, you bloodsucking lawyers!)
And another thing ...
2+2=4. There is such a thing as proper English. Geography and history are important. There is no way the youth of America can be their best if we do not expect their best. Telling a student that it's okay to spell a word however he or she wants as long as the meaning is understood is pure lunacy. A generation of kids are coming through our schools being taught to feel and not to think. We are not rewarding success for fear of hurting the feelings of those who do not reach the same level of achievement. Why not encourage achievement instead of rewarding mediocrity? I used to get so tired of the dopes in class (mostly in college, sadly) who would always ask the instructor "Is this going to be on the test?" Does it matter? Do you want to learn something only if you have to? Arrrggghh! I've got to stop. I'm getting angry.
And another thing ...
What the hell is a hate crime? Do you have to hate a whole group of people to commit one? If someone overhears me saying something about a federally protected group of people and later I get into a fight with a neighbor who happens to be a member of that same group (because he's a jerk, not because he is a member of a minority), would I be committing a hate crime? Would I be brought up on special assault charges? Placed on double-secret probation? Who is going to determine hate? Is there going to be something called a dislike crime? An indifference crime? A love crime? Does anyone else see the problem here?
And another thing ...
To any militant homosexuals that may be reading this : WE DON'T CARE!!! You have to realize that we really don't want to know all about your lifestyle. Those members of the straight population who hate gays are going to hate you no matter what you do. Those of us who are more tolerant are getting tired of the whole "We're here, we're queer, deal with it!" attitude. Stop organizing marches through town where the more depraved and immoral of your persuasion strut about half-naked and antagonize all who happen to have the misfortune to witness the display of destructive abnormality. You are not making friends. Live your lives. Do what you do. Just don't make the rest of us watch.
And another thing ...
This one is for the ladies. To clarify the point made by Billy Crystal in "When Harry Met Sally", men and women can be friends. It's just that usually we don't want to only be friends. Don't get me wrong. We don't necessarily mind having you as friends, but it's not our first priority when it comes to women. You may think you have a great male friend, but trust me, it is not because he wants to be. It's because he got stuck in the "friend zone" and couldn't find a way out. So don't ever tell him about some other guy who you think is cute and how you hope he will ask you out. Don't tell him that you wish your boyfriend was more like him. Don't complain to him about how all the good ones are either married or gay, especially if he is neither. That's what you have female friends for.
And while I'm on the subject, why don't you women just come out and say that looks matter a lot more than you are willing to admit. We do. There is no doubt that a man is visual. He wants a woman to whom he is attracted physically. If she is also a good person, well that's just icing on the cake. In contrast, so many women insist on repeating the party line that other things like a sense of humor or sensitivity are more important. You're not fooling anyone, you know. There are multitudes of men with the qualities that you allege are so important, yet you will still seek the ones who are complete jerks (sorry, guys) because they have rugged faces, toned muscles, and/or cute butts. Oh, let's not forget the rich or powerful. You dig that too. But you say, "Jeff, I see reasonably attractive women with men who are not so good looking, rich or powerful all the time. Explain that." After the search for the perfect guy in the perfect package gets to be too exhausting, you settle. It's as simple as that. Besides, there has to be an exception to prove the rule. I'm not saying that any of this is wrong. Just don't be so hypocritical about it. I won't even get started on the whole "Size doesn't matter" load of b.s. Geez, I'm not just a little bitter, am I?
And another thing ...