I just finished reading some of the stuff I wrote over the past year or so. I'm pretty good at this. I know I haven't written anything in a long time. Gee, has anything been going on while I was away?
Polls, polls and more polls. If I hear the results of one more poll, I'm going to start taking hostages. But then CNN/Time will poll the hostages and discover that 92% of them want to be released and 8% are undecided. There has to be something wrong with the way the questions are being asked. Or maybe they're just asking the wrong people. Take presidential approval polls, please. (That one was for you, Henny.) Since January we have learned that the president has committed sleazy and adulterous acts in the White House with a female employee less than half his age and has lied about it for more than seven months. Yet according to the polls, there are still some people who see him as a moral man. And don't forget the sky high approval ratings. I guess what bothers me most about these polls is that they are now the news. Poll results are now lead stories on news programs. No longer is the plane crash news, but the poll that asks how the American public feels about the plane crash. A learned constitutional scholar can appear on a television news show, but immediately after putting forth a brilliant analysis of a situation, some dim-witted news person would follow up with "But. Dr. Smith, the polls say blah, blah, blah. How do you explain this?" The average dolt who gets a call from the Gallop people doesn't care about anything but the price of beer and what channel the ball game is on. And he probably doesn't vote. (At least, I hope not.)
Which leads me to another proposal: Criteria for voting. Now I realize that not enough people vote as it is, but I want to ensure that the stupid people of this great country (and you know who you are) cannot vote. So, let's lay some ground rules, shall we.
1. If you have ever voted for someone based upon looks, you
cannot vote.
2. If you depend on government assistance for at least 25% of your income, you cannot vote.
3. If you hyphenate your ethnicity, you cannot vote.
4. If you enjoy watching daytime shows hosted by Oprah Winfrey, Jerry Springer, Leeza
Gibbons or any of those other idiots, you cannot vote.
5. If you hate any group of people based upon race, gender, religion, etc., you cannot
vote.
6. If you cannot pass a basic civics test, you cannot vote.
Actually, the last should be the primary criteria. We make immigrants take a citizenship test just to become an American. I think a similar test should be given before a voter registration can be issued. Nothing too difficult. Maybe something like the tests we used to get in eighth grade civics class. Explain five of the first ten amendments to the Constitution. How many senators and representatives are there? Who is third in the line of succession for the presidency? How does a bill become a law? (Any twentysomething or thirtysomething who ever watched "America Rock" on ABC should know that one.) It's just that so many of our fellow Americans won't or can't think for themselves. I fear that they are gaining control. Or maybe I'm too concerned about it. I should just relax. Hey, everything is groovy. There's nothing to worry about. Who cares about politics and societal issues? As long as you don't try dragging my bay or dropping the bomb on my street. Now c'mon baby...
And another thing ...