Frankie says "Relax!"
You know I caught clips of Kenneth Starr on Capitol Hill and there's something I don't understand. Where was the crazy, out of control, maniacal incarnation of all that is evil that we've been hearing so much about for that past several years? All I saw was a mild-mannered guy in glasses and a business suit. It must have been another one of those terrible Republican tricks. They want people to think that Mr. Starr is a regular person. Thank God we have guys like James Carville and David Kendall to keep us straight. But you know, I've finally changed my mind about the whole Clinton thing. I thought back on the history of the presidency and realized there have been other scandalous presidents with corrupt administrations. We got through it okay. This guy will be gone in a couple of years. We will again have a man with integrity in the White House. Clinton has become a national joke. Everyone knows he's a no good, devious, lying, self-centered bastard. The fact is that he will be remembered for no more than fellatio and failed foreign policy. No one will recall that the economy in the late part of the decade was in fair shape. No one will recall that he said he cared about everything and anything. No one will recall that he championed minor legislation allegedly for the sake of the children. They'll only remember Monica. Hahahahahahaha!
And another thing ...
To be honest, I'm not too wild about the holidays. I can understand why suicides increase during this time of year. I could really do without the Thanksgiving to Valentine's Day stretch. I blame the media, with all the family holiday specials on television and advertising everywhere. They tell you what to give your loving spouse and children for Christmas, what champagne to drink at all those New Year's Eve parties you've been invited to, and how to get in good with your mate or significant other on Valentine's Day. I would imagine that all of this expectation of ideality would make even relatively content people begin to question how good their lives are. What's worse are all those people who just have to say something so clever like a sarcastic "bah humbug" if they detect that you are not crazy about the holidays. That really makes things better. My tip to you helpful people: Shut the hell up. Stop expecting everyone else to be as happy as you think you are. Now go to the mall and buy something.
And another thing ...
Speaking of the holidays, political correctness rears its ugly head. Consider the following offerings from the Vanderbilt University Office of the Chancellor. Late in November they mailed out the following invitation to certain staff members:
Please join with the
Chancellor's Office
During our annual Christmas party
By bringing your own SPECIAL
Christmas ornament to place on our tree...
An ornament unique
to yourself
or
to your office...
We think this will be a wonderful addition in celebrating the holidays!!!!!
Several days later, they send out the following letter to correct the invitation:
Last week you received an invitation to our
annual holiday party.
Through an oversight on our part and in the haste to get them out, we referred to our
"Christmas Party" and "Christmas Tree."
We apologize if this appeared to be insensitive to anyone.
We do hope you will join us on December 11 and
bring whatever represents
YOUR holiday, if you so desire, to place on our Holiday Tree.
I don't know if some sniveling weenie complained or if they caught this blatant miscarriage of insensitivity on their own, but give me a break! Speaking as a non-Christian, I could not care less if they had a Christmas tree, Buddha bush or Shinto shrubbery! I do have a little bit of a problem with nativity scenes on government property, but only because that's partly my tax money paying for the thing and not because of some adherence to the mythical separation of church and state. I don't think most people who have differing religious beliefs really care about the whole thing anyway. They have something else to believe in and often appreciate and participate in the more secular aspects of Christmas. It's the people with no religious beliefs who always seem to pitch the biggest fit. I'm not sure what kind of ornament atheists bring to a holiday party anyway. An empty hook?
And another thing ...