Still with me? Good. Try this on for size.
I don't smoke. I don't like to be in the presence of a lot of smokers. I don't like my clothes smelling like awful cigarette smoke. However, the more I have to hear the shrill whining of the anti-smoking Gestapo, the more I want to take up smoking. Since when is tobacco the worst problem in the world today? What about alcohol abuse? Drugs? Teen pregnancy? And teen smoking is not a new phenomenon. Ask your parents. Ask your grandparents. If they smoke or had smoked, they will more than likely tell you that they took it up at a young age. And there wasn't even such a thing as Joe Camel! How can this be, you ask? Easy. Young people are idiots and easily fall prey to peer pressure. However, many of the same morons who insist that teen smoking can be stopped or prevented through education and by regulating tobacco advertising also say we can't teach abstinence and must make condoms readily available to teens because they are going to have sex and we can't stop them. No entiendo! Keep in mind that the sooner you are willing to eliminate the freedoms of others, the sooner you will lose your own.
And another thing ...
I am potentially going to lose some of you on this one. But, what the hell. AIDS. We have known about it for about fifteen years. We know that it seems to have a period of infection of up to ten years or so. We know what activities spread the virus. Anybody who now contracts HIV as a result of their own actions deserves it. Hold on, Jeff. Aren't you being a little cruel and unsympathetic? I have sympathy for people who get AIDS through no fault of their own (blood transfusions, accidents, etc.). I have sympathy for people who contracted the disease before it was well known what it was or how it is spread. I refuse to be told that this one is my fault. AIDS activists like to use the slogan "Silence = Death". I want to offer a more accurate slogan. "Inserting your penis into an infected man's anus = Death; Keeping it in your pants = Life". And promiscuous heterosexuals, don't think you are escaping criticism. You may have better odds, but you are just as pathetic. I won't even start on the heroin addicts. They are slowly killing themselves anyway. So, doctors and scientists should continue to try to find a cure for AIDS, but not at the expense of research to cure deadly congenital diseases that end the lives of innocent people who could not prevent their sickness.
And another thing ...
I have managed to go a page and a half without mentioning our national disgrace, President Clinton. I can wait no longer. By now we are all familiar with the little dinner break Mike Tyson took in the middle of his fight with Evander Holyfield. What difference does it make what the president thinks about it? On a national cable news network (I won't name names. Oops, I guess I did.), the big news of the transfer of Hong Kong from the U.K. to the Chinese was followed quickly by the president's reaction to the ear-chomping incident. The president's reaction? Maybe it's just me, but I don't remember anybody in the mainstream press running to Ronald Reagan (far and away one of the top five presidents in our nation's history) or George Bush (not one of the top five presidents in our nation's history) for their reaction to every little thing that happened. What really amazes me is that they ask Bill Clinton about anything. The man has no strongly held convictions, no moral center, and no opinion that hasn't been run up the public opinion flagpole before he shovels it to the great unwashed. "Mr. President, what do you think about inter-league play in baseball?" "Mr. President, did you see Speed 2 and did you like it?" "Mr. President, do you think I should go with Sprint or stick with AT&T?" Forget my pain, Mr. President. Feel this!
(Deep breath) I shouldn't really be blaming the media entirely. While they certainly are slanted at a sharp 45 degree angle to the left, much of the blame has to fall squarely on the shoulders of the selfish, short-sighted, unthinking American public. You know who you are. You are the folks who say, "I'm doing alright, so what difference does it make who is president? It won't affect me." You are the folks who have fallen for the notion that Bill Clinton, a much better actor in Washington than Reagan ever was in Hollywood, is a common man who is concerned about the "working people" and not the condescending, self-interested lawyer that he is. You are the folks who overreact emotionally to situations and don't pay attention to the details. You are the folks who will believe anything you are told because it is on the network news or on the front page of your local rag. You are the folks who watched every second of the O.J. Simpson trial on CNN but will not watch a second of a riveting speech or thought-provoking debate on C-Span. I can understand you people getting tricked by this overblown used car salesman once. However, there is no excuse for the second time. Mr. Clinton thinks that the American public are sheep. All too often he is proven right by John and Jane Q. Public who sit on their couch and watch television like glassy-eyed zombies, nodding in agreement to every lie that's spoon fed to them and grinning from the satisfaction of believing that their president really cares about them.
(Another deep breath) I could go on, and probably will later, but I'll just end this with a few great lines from my favorite movie of all time, "Broadcast News." (By the way, I am Aaron Altman.) Reporter Aaron (Albert Brooks) explains to news producer Jane Craig (Holly Hunter) why he thinks her love interest, network anchorman Tom Grunick (William Hurt), while being a very nice guy, is the devil : "What do you thing the devil's going to look like if he's around? Come on. No one's going to be taken in by a guy with a long, red, pointy tail. Come on, what's he going to sound like? Aaaarrrrgggggh!?! No. I'm semi-serious here. He will be attractive. He'll be nice and helpful. He'll get a job where he influences a great God-fearing nation. He'll never do an evil thing. He'll never deliberately hurt a living thing. He'll just bit by little bit lower our standards where they're important. Just a tiny little bit. Just coax along, flash over substance. Just a tiny little bit." Frighteningly familiar, eh?
And another thing ...