So I'm lying in bed last night (alone, so very alone) trying to get to sleep when my mind wanders to women. And why not, really? Anyway my closet door was open and I saw my shirts hanging there when I started to think of the sexiest looks for a woman. Here are my top five, in no particular order.
1. A man's dress shirt only. The other reason I thought of this is because I had just listened to "Man, I Feel Like A Woman" by Shania Twain in which she sings about wearing men's shirts and short skirts. (Oh, I can picture that video in my head right now.) Now it's never happened in one of my shirts (damn it!), but a woman appearing in the doorway with a pair of bare legs sticking out from beneath a white dress shirt is so hot. The front and tail of the shirt hanging down to somewhere just about the knee and the sides suspended about mid-thigh. The cuffs of the sleeves rolled up a bit. And the knowledge that just below that shirt of yours is all the good stuff with no other layers of clothing is so good. It just doesn't get any better that that.
2. A football jersey only. For a lot of the same reasons stated above. This is for a woman of average to small frame. It just doesn't work as well for a big woman. The whole allure of a little feminine thing in her man's clothing is lost if the woman looks like she could be a real football player herself. This, like the dress shirt, has been seen in plenty of movies and television shows. It's always been a favorite of mine. I have some football jerseys in the closet, so if anyone wants to volunteer...
3. Catholic school girl uniform. I can't really explain this one. Actually I can. Being a leg man, the pleated skirts are a total turn-on. It does wonders for the posterior as well. I got a kick out of the running gag on "That 70's Show" about the guys panting over Donna's school uniform. And there's a reason that Brittany Spears dressed that way in her video for whatever song it was. Of course she took it a step further. She was the slutty school girl, with the blouse tied in a knot in the front exposing the midriff. That's one of those classic videos you can only watch with the mute feature on, lest you hear the song itself and your head explodes.
4. French maid outfit. You have to be in pretty good shape to pull this off effectively. Great legs are a plus. A push-up bra or boustier (for those less endowed) compliments things as well. Unlike the above three looks, this outfit is figure-intensive. If you're hourglass looks more like an "O", then you'll just look like a fat maid at a fancy hotel. The only redeeming part of the movie "Clue" was the actress playing the maid dressed in the full sexy getup. Just damn.
5. Cheerleader uniform. Granted these all seen terribly obvious, at least the last three, but there is a reason. They're just so hot! I guess there is some repressed psychological sexual urge that makes cheerleaders sexy. Maybe it's because cheerleaders are usually young and all the parts are still fit and firm or because cheerleaders are so peppy, positive and cute. Or maybe it's just because most men always wanted to nail one when they were in school. Most uniforms worn by professional football cheerleaders don't really do it for me. Those are more dance outfits. The look I'm after is what usually comes to mind when you think about cheerleaders: very short pleated skirt, form-fitting top with a high collar, cute little ponytail. The all-time best cheerleader unis are for University of Southern California football. Not only do you have the skirts but also tight long-sleeved sweaters. I think UCLA and California wears similar outfits.
So there you have it. In my fantasy world where women would actually wear these things for me, that's as good as it gets.
And another thing...