The First Amendment is wonderful, isn't it?
There is something that I need to clear up for you women, if in fact there are any women reading this. Actually I would be addressing the insecure women who seem to be under the impression that the bigger your breasts are, the more men will be attracted to you. It is sad that so many women, be they movie stars, models, or math teachers, center so much of their self-esteem in their breast size. So, I'm going to clue you in on something. Please remember this. Write it down if you have to. Okay, are you ready? It's all in the presentation. That's it. No matter what size they are, if they are well presented, men will notice. It just so happens that it is apparently easier to present the bigguns. What I'm getting at is that there is way too much mutilation going on. By mutilation, I mean breast augmentation surgery. Now the potential health risks have not been proven, but that's not the reason I am so against this exercise in vanity. Surgery for such a stupid reason as bigger boobies is pointless. To be honest, they're not that important. (Stop snickering, guys!) As long as they are on the premises, that's all that matters. "But Jeff," you may be asking, "are you telling me that if you could surgically enlarge your penis, you wouldn't do it?" No I would not. 1. I don't want to have Frankenschlong, with scars and little bolts coming out of its neck. (Neck?) B. Who the hell would know the difference? Third, it's like comparing bananas and oranges, so to speak. Breasts are just decoration. Oh, sure, they're fun to play with, but when it comes to the old one-two, they're not that involved in the process. Conversely, with men, that's all we've got. If it's inadequate, then there's a big(?) problem. Geez, how did I get myself into this one? I think I'll shut up now. Exit, stage left.
And another thing ...
I must admit that I am a little torn on an issue. I know that discrimination on the basis of race, gender, religion, etc. is wrong. However, I can certainly agree with a persons right to free association. What brought the issue up for me was an episode of "Real Sports" on HBO, on which they interviewed some wealthy professionals and the country clubs that would not admit them. I watched the story thinking that the people at the country clubs were idiots. These candidates were no different than any other country club type, except that they were black. They would fit in as members, but the rules of some of these clubs were such that a few members, or only one, would be enough to block acceptance of an application. (In case you were wondering, the admitted reason those blocking membership did so was race.) On the other hand, why should anyone be forced to associate with someone that they don't want to associate with? What government agency will be in charge of making sure every social organization in the country has enough blacks, Hispanics, women, Jews, lesbians and paraplegics? Every club would then be looking for LaToya Hernandez Goldberg, the crippled dyke. The determining factor in the story for me was that each of the clubs in question were receiving tax breaks. If you want to be a member of a group of people who are exactly like you and refuse to admit anyone who is the least bit different, go right ahead. In America, we have a right to be stupid. Just don't use my money to do it. I'm not sure what I'm getting at, but I think I made my point.
And another thing ...
Liberal thinking is for children. Ask a child what the world is like and you will get fantastic stories of a world where everyone is happy and nice to each other, where everyone has everything they want and no one goes without. This is all very fine and good. The difference between the real world and the world of children and liberals is that people live in the real world. Allow me to illustrate. Children and liberals want peace on earth with no war. That would be great except for one thing. There will always be at least two people who hate each other. There will always be evil in the world. There's no way around it. Humans are wired that way. Children and liberals think everyone should be equal. That would be great except for one thing. We are not equal. We should all be treated equally, but that's not the same thing. Bill Gates is a gazillionaire. I am not. Is this fair? Yes. Bill Gates is a lot more clever than I am. There are people who are more advantaged than others in terms of intelligence, skill and/or motivation. Those with less of these traits have to try harder. That's called life. Children and liberals want to do whatever they want without limits and don't want to be told when they have done wrong. That would be great except for one thing. Morality is not subjective. If a child lies, cheats or steals, he must be corrected. If President Clinton lies, a corporate CEO cheats, or a poor person in South Central L.A. steals, it is still wrong. Ethics are not pliable. You can pick just about any subject. Animal rights. Environmentalism. You name it. Children and liberals have a distorted view of reality. But children grow up.
And another thing ...