Q. No, really. This web page is so seamless and professional. What are you selling?
A. Though we have been entirely co-opted by the White Power Structure, we have nothing to sell.

Q. On TV commercials, I've heard references to the importance of having a 'web site strategy.' What is your web site strategy?
A. To make you embarrassed on our behalf.

Q. When was this site last updated?
A. This site is an exercise in reader-response hermeneutics; that is, it has no finished status outside of what its 'readers' bring to it; therefore, it is in a constant state of revision.

Q. What the hell kind of BS is that last answer?
A. Post-structuralist nonsense. Don't be an English major unless you want to spend years of your life wallowing in it, only to find, in the end, no one gives a shit and you can't get a job.

Q. This web site appears to satisfy the Supreme Court's 3-prong test for obscenity (i.e., prurient; patently offensive; AND lacking in significant scientific, literary, artistic or political value.) What do you have to say for yourselves?
A. Uuh, huh huh. You said 'prong.'

Q. Who's the bigger whore: Newt or Clinton?
A. It's hard to judge. Newt is fatter, but Clinton is taller.

Q. Am I just really out of touch with my body, or is it normal to notice a fabric softener sheet lodged in your shirt midway through the day?
A. You should only be concerned if you're noticing them in your stools.

Q. What does it mean when my computer tells me I need to crap into my hand and throw the crap at my boss?
A. Don't worry, that's just part of Windows 95.

Q. Ponca City sounds like a funny place, but I can't find it on the map anywhere. Is it made up?
A. Hey, listen, smartass, BACHMAN TURNER OVERDRIVE was able to find it in 1988. They took care of business at Hutchins' Memorial, attracting fans from as far away as Newkirk and Blackwell, and anybody who's anybody knows all about it.

Q. What ever happened to that "Pork - the other white meat" ad campaign?
A. New advances in the nature of pig meat have rendered that ad campaign obsolete. Pork is now the other citrus fruit.

Q. What's the deal with the Antonin Artaud quote on the image gallery? Just who do you think you are?
A. A rough translation is 'this is a spectacle not afraid to provoke your nervous sensibilities.' We thought the web site needed a French high-art reference to round out the uneven-ness.

Q. I read in one of those cheap newsweeklies that researchers were able to synthesize a human ear on the back of a mouse. What are the implications?
A. This means you can replace your tired, worn out ears with fresh new ones, pre-pierced for maximum comfort and convenience.

Q. Why is this web site so stupid?
A. Click here to discover the answer. You might be surprised.

Q. What's the difference between Chris Kristofferson and Kenny Rogers?
A. The distinction is entirely academic.

Q. In a race between a Democrat and a Republican, who usually wins?
A. Business.

Q. Is Rush Limbaugh a big fat idiot? Or is he just a liar?
A. Yes. Click here for details.

Q. What would happen if you fitted a snake with one of those plastic cones they put on cats and dogs to prevent them from licking themselves after surgery?
A. The snake couldn't lick the cat or dog.

Q. Wouldn't another documentary about great white sharks or lions be interesting?
A. No. No it wouldn't.

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