Aspiration

To gain employment, thereby supplementing my expected retirement income from beany babies, Shaq glassware, Deep Space Nine plates, and other collectibles

Key Accomplishments and Abilities

• Co-authored Wild Cabbages of the Northwest (unpublished manuscript)
• Orange air-tambouriner #6 and hoola-hooping yokel #2 for the 1993 Super Bowl Halftime show
• Can recite many state capitols from memory, and is "pretty sure" she knows where to look up the rest
• While pregnant, successfully avoided handling those capsules that pregnant women aren't supposed to handle
• Semi-pro metal detector. Lifetime findings: $9.32 and some fillings*
• Flake Tester II, Crab Control Division, MuLaw Inc., 1991-1993. Key project involved revamp and documentation of the Kesnian Process and associated counter-dynamics in preparation for the Connor-Michaels Renegotiation.

* top 3 percentile according to most recent 1996 figures, the latest year for which complete statistics are available

Education

• Seattle public schools. Would have been valedictorian if not for that punk-ass Mr. Brown
• The Evergreen State College, B.A. with hepcat distinction (narrowly missed 'scenester' by two raves)
• Licensed Real Estate Agent, Backhoe Operator, Dentist, Elder Care Worker, Marriage Broker, Bottle Deposit Collector, Tax Preparer, and Flo-Bee Stylist in Arkansas, Louisiana, and South Carolina

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