to rants page.
Dear well meaning idiot,
When we discussed your diet, and your desire to lose weight, I made a comment about myself.
You immediately said, "You're not fat."
Do you have any idea how stupid you made yourself sound? I know you meant well, but I lost all respect for you, and I will probably never develop any sense of trust in you. Did you suddenly become aware that you were speaking to someone who makes you look slim? You didn't seem embarrassed. If it helps any, I wasn't, at least, not for myself.
...and we both know that you know this. You are aware of those extra 20-30 pounds you carry, and they bother you. If I lost 50 pounds, I'd look a lot like you do now, only shorter. I'd probably still think that I was fat, but I wouldn't be clinically obese.
So how can you have the nerve to stand there and tell me I don't look fat? Do you think I don't know?
As I said, I'm certain that you meant well. You are guessing, from my behavior, that I am fairly comfortable with my body as it is, or that I am fishing for compliments. If you feel it necessary to pay one to me, you could always try saying something like
"I like the way you look,"
or"It looks good on you,".
Either of these would express goodwill, and an lack of intention to offend, without insulting my intelligence or your own integrity.
I could continue, here, with an analysis of the societal factors which lead you to your elaborate efforts not to acknowledge that I'm fat. I could even go on to talk about the ones which drive you to think that you are. As it happens, you are not one of those underweight women who are constantly damaging themselves by trying to drop one more dress size. You have a pretty good sense of the state your body is in, and the state you would like it to be in, and seem to have a realistic plan to get it there. I applaud you, both for what you're doing for yourself, and for the fact that you do not feel compelled to 'save me' from myself.
But please, please, don't don't belittle both of us by lying about it. I know what I look like, and I deal with it. You can, too.